Category: spiritual issues

MB and I have some acquaintances from a previous church who are “missionaries.”

And, yes, I hate to say this — and I’m totally hiding from God as I do so — but I call them “missionaries” as opposed to missionaries.

Here’s why:

This couple was sent off from the church with great fanfare and hoopla. They were moving to southeast Asia to start an orphanage, you see, and isn’t that a noble idea and all that. The wife’s family comes from this particular country and she inherited some land in said country. For their orphanage, right?

Howevah …… and here’s where it gets squinky for me and I don’t know why I’m throwing all Christians under the bus lately, but, well, I’m a crankypants.

The squink is this:

They didn’t start an orphanage. They’ve lived in this country for 4 or 5 years now. They’ve had 2 children while living over there. It’s cheapcheapcheap to live in this particular country, but, then again, the church supports them, so it’s even cheaper! Somehow, once they’d been “in country” for a while, the Lord conveniently “changed” their vision. They weren’t supposed to use their land to build an orphanage. No. They used the land to build themselves a HUGE house instead.

Now to be fair, they do take in foster children from this country. At one time, I believe they had as many as 6 kids total living in their home. The husband is an aspiring novelist and works on his books most of the day. I mean, he doesn’t work outside the home in this country. The wife homeschools the kids.

I guess I don’t understand HOW this is missions. I don’t get it.

Plenty of people in the US take in foster children and, yes, they get a small stipend or whatever from the state, but this couple is having their entire lifestyle subsidized by the church. I’ve known people who’ve taken in foster kids here in the US, and in every case, at least one of the parents worked outside the home. My own parents took in a foster child when I was 6 and my foster sister was 16, and at that time, BOTH of my parents worked outside the home. They were earning their own money. Now I’m sure there are people who take in a bunch of foster kids just to get the money from the state, but I don’t imagine the people who do this are calling it “missions” either.

Someone help me. How is this “missions”?

Is there something I’m not seeing?

To me, the idea of missions is an outwardly focused thing. An evangelism thing. Sure, this couple is teaching their kids about Jesus, but so is my sister. So is my brother. So are dear readers Brian and Kathi. So is any Christian family — one assumes — anywhere in the world. And they’re NOT being subsidized. My brother and sister have real world jobs where they earn real world money to support their children. They don’t sit back and receive tithe money from their churches so they can work on their Great American Novel. Or their Great Southeast Asian Novel.

I mean, to be honest, since we’ve witnessed all this going down with this couple (they have a blog we follow), MB and I have seriously discussed going BACK to this whackadoo church and saying we want to be missionaries. Ohpleaseohplease, let us be missionaries. Because it kind of seems like a sweet gig, doesn’t it? Being paid for what the rest of us work for? Church welfare in a beautiful country overseas?

Look, these are tough times. I mean, I’m in school right now to completely change careers. But maybe I can chuck all that, move to a cool country, call myself a “missionary,” and get on the church dole.

Come on, pippa! Let’s be “missionaries” and start our Sudden Yurt commune overseas!

Who’s with me?

More from Dude.

This is after MB and others gave him a polite and much-needed smackdown for the comment referenced in the post below and he’s having a change-ish of heart. He’s directing this at MB, after MB explained to him that “dumb” could mean “stupid” or “mute.” (Italics mine.):

As I was telling (another commenter), I was meaning dumb sheep as in their intelligence.  I once heard that they would follow each other off of a cliff and die just because they were following the one in front of them.  (Okay. This is an apt analogy of a FOCer. I’m with you.) I didn’t mean stupid or mute.  (Oh. Just suicidal then. I see.) I guess you interpreted my tone in a way I didn’t intend to be interpreted.  That’s always been the problem with written text; tone and influx of voice for emphasis doesn’t exist.  Even primitive written languages have that.  It stinks.  Did we ever meet?  I don’t remember a lot of last names.  (Yes, because, naturally, MB was using his real name. See how it works? Of course, everyone uses their REAL NAMES on the Internets! Sheesh. Jesus himself would use a screen name just so wouldn’t bug him, Dude.) Did I ever sin against you at the SD church?  If I did, please forgive me.

Brothers and Sisters, I never intended this to go this way.  I was hoping for some good iron sharpening iron.  I came across in a rude, boasting, arrogant way.  Please forgive me.  As for my questions and comments, that aren’t offensive, please help me?  Thank you so much!

So, okay. A teensie change.

But, then, Dude weighed in randomly, off-topic, just a month later:

When will you all come around? (FOC) ROCKS!! You have read and laughed at my story (eh???) but you know that I am in seminary and lead worship at FOC SD Church. I pastored in Calvary Chapel before. I’m young but I’ve been around. Get over your bitter selves and be reconciled with your brothers and sisters in the churches you left. I know you would be received with love and open arms! Let me say it again (FOC) ROCKS. We have planted 3 new churches in California and Arizona in just a year! Come back!!

I’m still unclear, Dude, and I wish you would just answer the question: Are you or are you NOT in leadership?

Strange how his earlier apology — a month before — seemed to have worn off, like Novacaine. I get it, Dude. Saying you’re sorry can feel like a root canal.

My response to Dude:

You know, I’m happy FOC is so great for (Dude), but honestly, coming in here and speaking that way is like trying to sell the awesomeness of peanuts to a roomful of people with deadly peanut allergies. Look, we tried peanuts and they nearly killed us. You peanut lovers, eat away, but you need to be OKAY with those of us who choose not to partake because it proved detrimental to our health.

(Dude), let’s imagine a scenario for a minute. Let’s imagine, oh, your best friend’s wife cheated on him and he found out. Let’s imagine he’s utterly devastated. Let’s imagine HE — the injured party — tries and tries to work it out with her, all to no avail. Then let’s imagine because of his pain, because of his wife’s unrepentance and unwillingness to work it out, he feels he must leave his wife. Would you, in the face of your friend’s horrible grief and betrayal, dare to say to him, “But SHE ROCKS! SHE IS AN AWESOME WIFE!! When are you going to come around to that? Just get over your bitter self and go back! She will welcome you with open arms!!”

(She won’t admit anything wrong or she’ll throw it back on you ….. but “GO BACK! SHE IS AWESOME!!!”)

That’s essentially what you’re doing to those of us here who’ve been really hurt or abused or wronged or betrayed by FOC. It’s not a perfect analogy, I know. You’re that guy callously demanding that your broken friend go back to the unrepentant spouse. You’re that guy expecting your human hurting friend to just GET OVER — on your timeline — some massive spiritual and emotional damage.

Processing things of this nature takes TIME, (Dude). I am not Jesus. I am human. I need the GRACE of time. I need the GRACE to have a human reaction. Do I need to forgive? Yes. Forgiving can hard enough when someone asks us for forgiveness, but when it’s not asked for, not even sought, that doubles my load of forgiveness. I must forgive what was done and THEN forgive that there’s total unrepentance about what was done. Can you understand that, (Dude)?

I truly hope you’re never injured by a church in a similar way. I also hope no one whose “soul you end up shepherding” is ever hurt BY you — not until you learn, really learn, to develop the compassionate heart of Jesus. I don’t know if they teach that in seminary. You may have to ask the Holy Spirit to give you some. And, in my experience, whenever I’ve asked the Holy Spirit for more of this quality or that quality — it’s funny. He puts me in situations where I need to exercise that quality but can only do so with HIS help. Maybe you’re continuing to read here because the Lord wants you to learn compassion for his hurting sheep FOR YOUR SAKE. For the sake of your future as a pastor. Maybe God’s intent for your readership here isn’t to chastise the hurting. Maybe it’s something that has more to do with compassion. Just a thought.

You chastising me and others about how we need to COME BACK and GET OVER OURSELVES is not likely to produce that outcome. It’s like you’re some cheerleader at a wake. It’s just not appropriate.

I admit — I’m taking your attitude quite personally because I went to YOUR church. I know exactly who you are. I’m glad you like your church. I’m glad that’s true for you. But your church hurt me. And that is true for ME. Accept that. You ARE representing your church, whether you like it or not. You’re in leadership, as you’ve repeatedly stated.

And I don’t think your tone and insensitivity represent your church very well.

Dude, Dude, Dude.

I had a flicker of hope for you with your change-ish of heart, but then — poof! — it died.

Below is a really interesting video I found linked in the comments of a blog I read regularly now — about a certain “family of churches” and its corruption and abuses and subtle use of group think to produce compliance.

Conformity is huge within this “family of churches.” My personal experience was that one person was much like another. Apart from physical differences — and even with that, there was conformity in clothing — one person’s personality and conversation was much like the next. They spouted what sounded like sales pitches. The words may have differed, but the attitudes were identical. Even in our first weeks there, I could sense ….. something. The tip of an iceberg of rigidity under all the smooth pleasant surfaces. I’m still reeling a bit from how bizarre the whole thing was and I’m still surprised and a little embarrassed at how much the ordeal with Outing Person has hurt me.

I knew Outing Person years ago, as I’ve said, and it pains me — literally pains me — to see that his personality seems to have done a complete 180, from the joyful, alive, warm person I once knew to the dour, listless, cold man he seems to be today. How has he changed so much in front of his loved ones without comment from them? Unless they, too, are changing simultaneously? If My Beloved had done a complete 180 in his behavior and personality I would say something, for God’s sake, unless I’d somehow lost the ability to notice. Does Outing Person’s family say nothing because they’re also changing, because they’ve also lost discernment? If I can see it, why can’t they? The implications here are actually terrifying to me.

From what I’ve learned of this “family of churches” over the last several months, I can’t help but lay some — probably most — of the blame for his transformation at its feet. He has conformed to the group. Says the same things others say. Forfeited his personality in order to be “obedient” to man-made rules. His individuality, which once shone so brightly, has been assimilated into the Borg of this church. In my brief and bizarre interactions with him at Maybe Church — and my heart is sick to say this — I saw a man in bondage to rules and legalism. He was once SO free. SO loving. It was all I could do not to shake him or smack him and cry, “What’s happened? What’s HAPPENED TO YOU??” Literally, pippa, I grieve over this. Grieve. Over the months since then, I have found myself randomly weeping over the alteration in this man. I’m not talking about the physical changes that people go through as they get older. Who cares about that? It’s not substantive. I’m talking about the fact that his personality and his demeanor were completely unrecognizable, completely OTHER to me. I actually found it frightening.

I’ll tell you my theory: The Antichrist? That whole thing? It will start with the church itself smoothing the way for that, sloooowy morphing truth into truthiness until the people in the pews end up believing something entirely different from what they started with. It’s happening even now, within this organization, but it’s so subtle, SO subtle, that unless you stubbornly and obnoxiously cling to your independent thinking skills — your GOD-GIVEN ability to reason and analyze — you will succumb.

The man I knew years ago would not have succumbed.

So, yes, it grieves me. I weep over it. I wish I didn’t, but I do.

And it starts with conformity, with the subtle pressure of group think.

Watch this video on an experiment in conformity and see what I mean.

Oh, hurrah! I discovered more notes from our time at Maybe but really Not On Your Life Church.

These are just my notes. MB doesn’t weigh in, which is a real shame. So the pastor’s preaching and I’m talking to myself in this notebook like a weirdo.

I really would NOT have fit in at this cult …. er, church. I mean, I’m a weirdo, but not their kind of weirdo. My brain is just not washable enough.

So here I go, dissecting the church AT church. Probably our second week there.

~ Nearly every man here is wearing a short-sleeved shirt, either a polo or a light cotton, all in pale pale almost non-colors. They don’t tuck them in so their bellies are covered. Ugh. It almost seems like a uniform here. Pale ghosts of people.

~ The sleeves on those cotton things stick out at the elbows like little pup tents. Ick. Come worship the Lord! Sartorial castration — no extra charge! It’s a room full of Homers.

~ If they were all naked, they’d look better.

~ I should rethink that.

~ Basically, they all look kind of pasty and weak in their Easter-egg clothes. I’ve never been more turned off in a room full of men.

~ Oh, the words between the songs at worship: “I believe there are people today struggling with guilt about not getting things done.” Hm. Really, Peaches? Pretty safe bet, isn’t it? Holy Spirit not really swinging out in omniscience with THAT one, is he? Why bother? So you can get up and look godly with a no-brainer? Boo-bye.

~ Every song is a dirge. Am I dead?

~ Ugh, P-Geist! He’s praying and he CANNOT just say “Amen.” He is literally droning, “in the name of the glorious, beautiful, powerful, amazing Father …. Amen.” No need to butter up the Almighty, Crackie. God’s not impressed.

~ TOO MUCH TALKING!! (ed.: Sorry. I was clearly losing it.)

~ The pastor is asking, “What’s the background noise of my heart?” Uh …… Guns ‘n’ Roses?

~ I really don’t see myself hanging out with these people.

~ Also, don’t come up and introduce yourself and let ME hold up the entire conversation.

~ Why does everyone want to know how we found out about the church?? EVERYONE has asked us. WHO CARES?? We’re here. Is this a marketing thing?

~ Why do they all talk about John Piper? “Do you know John Piper?” “Have you read John Piper?” They seem very worshipful about … John Piper! John Piper!! JOHN PIPER!! Calm down, Homers. And roll your sleeves.

~ He’s now talking about joy in a room full of the glummest people I’ve ever seen.

~ “Dripping with mirth.” Oh, I BEG you to please stop saying that.

(Seems I had issues from the get-go, doesn’t it? Well, you could call it issues or, uh, critical thinking skills. Let’s go with the second one, shall we?)