more of tracey’s church notes

Oh, hurrah! I discovered more notes from our time at Maybe but really Not On Your Life Church.

These are just my notes. MB doesn’t weigh in, which is a real shame. So the pastor’s preaching and I’m talking to myself in this notebook like a weirdo.

I really would NOT have fit in at this cult …. er, church. I mean, I’m a weirdo, but not their kind of weirdo. My brain is just not washable enough.

So here I go, dissecting the church AT church. Probably our second week there.

~ Nearly every man here is wearing a short-sleeved shirt, either a polo or a light cotton, all in pale pale almost non-colors. They don’t tuck them in so their bellies are covered. Ugh. It almost seems like a uniform here. Pale ghosts of people.

~ The sleeves on those cotton things stick out at the elbows like little pup tents. Ick. Come worship the Lord! Sartorial castration — no extra charge! It’s a room full of Homers.

~ If they were all naked, they’d look better.

~ I should rethink that.

~ Basically, they all look kind of pasty and weak in their Easter-egg clothes. I’ve never been more turned off in a room full of men.

~ Oh, the words between the songs at worship: “I believe there are people today struggling with guilt about not getting things done.” Hm. Really, Peaches? Pretty safe bet, isn’t it? Holy Spirit not really swinging out in omniscience with THAT one, is he? Why bother? So you can get up and look godly with a no-brainer? Boo-bye.

~ Every song is a dirge. Am I dead?

~ Ugh, P-Geist! He’s praying and he CANNOT just say “Amen.” He is literally droning, “in the name of the glorious, beautiful, powerful, amazing Father …. Amen.” No need to butter up the Almighty, Crackie. God’s not impressed.

~ TOO MUCH TALKING!! (ed.: Sorry. I was clearly losing it.)

~ The pastor is asking, “What’s the background noise of my heart?” Uh …… Guns ‘n’ Roses?

~ I really don’t see myself hanging out with these people.

~ Also, don’t come up and introduce yourself and let ME hold up the entire conversation.

~ Why does everyone want to know how we found out about the church?? EVERYONE has asked us. WHO CARES?? We’re here. Is this a marketing thing?

~ Why do they all talk about John Piper? “Do you know John Piper?” “Have you read John Piper?” They seem very worshipful about … John Piper! John Piper!! JOHN PIPER!! Calm down, Homers. And roll your sleeves.

~ He’s now talking about joy in a room full of the glummest people I’ve ever seen.

~ “Dripping with mirth.” Oh, I BEG you to please stop saying that.

(Seems I had issues from the get-go, doesn’t it? Well, you could call it issues or, uh, critical thinking skills. Let’s go with the second one, shall we?)