So Tiger Woods has apologized to the entire world, apparently, for cheating on his wife and now people are parsing his apology, debating its merits, judging its sincerity.
And, you know, I hate this kind of stuff. I really do.
I’ve talked about this before, with Christian Bale’s big meltdown on the set of Terminator a while back and I still feel exactly the same way. I will never NOT feel this way.
It boils down to this: Public figures do not owe public apologies for private wrongs.
Christian Bale owed private apologies to the people directly involved or affected by his profanity-laced tirade.
And Tiger Woods owes private apologies to the people directly involved or affected by his adulteries.
That’s it. That’s it.
To rake him over the coals, to judge the merits or sincerity or even body language of his unnecessary public apology, to continue to behave as if this public figure owes you something personally is equal parts arrogance and naivete. He owes you nothing. This is a huge pet peeve of mine — people who boo-hoo-hoo about how disappointed they are when their sports “hero” or their celebrity “hero” does something wrong that in no way involves them personally.
If you’re someone who feels that Tiger Woods let you down — personally — you’re granting him too much power in your life and too little humanity in his. Stop expecting celebrities and athletes to be your role models for model behavior. That’s just ridiculous and unfair to the celebrity. They’re human. They’re going to screw up and hurt people and lie and swear and do drugs and cheat. Uhm, pretty much like the rest of us. So find role models elsewhere and learn how to separate what an athlete or actor DOES for a living from who they ARE in their personal life. Because they’re great on the screen or on the field or in the pool doesn’t mean they’re a person of great character. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not, either, but the problem comes from expecting heroic personal behavior from someone who is your sports “hero” or your acting “hero.” Stellar achievement doesn’t automatically equal stellar character. This seems a total no-brainer to me. Allow yourself to admire them simply for what they DO and allow them the freedom to be who they ARE, warts and all. Why imprison them in your unrealistic expectations? They don’t OWE you perfect behavior or, really, even decent behavior. I’m not sure they OWE you anything. Admire Bale’s performances or not. Admire Tiger’s game or not. Don’t expect superhuman behavior from them if you don’t expect it from yourself.
Let them do what they do and be who they are. They extend the same courtesy to you, don’t they? Just because they’re public figures doesn’t change the basic mess of their humanity. Just like toiling in obscurity doesn’t change ours.
Final thought: Christians? Don’t expect public figures who don’t embrace your beliefs to live according to your beliefs, okay? Shaking your head and wagging your finger at people who have failed to live up to standards they themselves don’t hold — well, it doesn’t help the cause. Or if you choose to do that, don’t scratch your head in bewilderment next time you hear Christians labeled as judgmental. As Christians, would you reject sharia law being imposed on you? I sure would. Well, don’t impose your Christian sharia on nonbelievers. You honestly don’t look any better when you do.
This just in: I am a crankypants.
I can’t remember where I read it but someone wrote, “If you’re ‘let down’ by Tiger Woods, you’ve got bigger problems than you think.”
I said on Facebook: “A rich and famous man used his fame to have sex with as many women as he possibly could. This is news WHY??”
People need to get a hobby.
And I love it when you get cranky.
Weeelllll, I agree and I disagree. I agree that he DOESN’T owe us an apology (and whoo boy, started a firestorm on FB when I posted that) but I think that when he DID make a public apology, then all bets are off on whether or not I have the right to critique that apology.
I’ll leave him alone when he leaves me alone, I guess is what I’m saying. 🙂
Thank you so much for this post. I am in total agreement. I did not want to hear apologies from either Christian Bale or Tiger Woods, because I do not know either of them personally. I’m a big fan of Bale’s movies, and neither his so-called ‘rant’ or his apology affected my enjoyment of them in either way. Likewise Tiger Woods.
Amen!
“If you’re someone who feels that *insert name here* let you down — personally — you’re granting him/her too much power in your life and too little humanity in his.” say’s it perfectly. Well done.
Lisa — I am sorry to hear that Tiger Woods is pestering you. 😉
I guess I think this: If it’s not an apology owed to me, I don’t feel I have a right to critique it. For me, that’s taking a place that’s not mine to take or taking ownership of something that isn’t mine. The people involved have a right to judge its sincerity all they want — and are the ones in the position to really KNOW if it’s sincere.
I think I actually start feeling sorry for celebrities who get raked over the coals like this. I’m not advocating his behavior in any way, but, again, it doesn’t involve me.
I understand what you’re saying though. He’s put the apology out there now, so it’s in the public domain. I don’t know. I still feel itchy about judging it. I’m weird.
sheila — /A rich and famous man used his fame to have sex with as many women as he possibly could. This is news WHY??/
Exactly. Nothing new under the sun there.
Layne — Hi and welcome! I so agree with you. My enjoyment of Bale’s performances has not waned at all. I’m a huge fan and if you want to still BE a fan — of anyone’s — you HAVE to be able to separate who they are from what they do.
I think it’s really, really sad that there’s enough of a “market” for gossipy news about Tiger that there are photogs camped out everywhere he or his wife & kids go. Just because he does commercials doesn’t give anyone the right to find out and publicize where his babies go to preschool. Sick.
Trace, I felt odd when listening to people critiquing his apology, too. I did happen to be listening to the radio when they broke away to his statement, so I did end up listening to the whole thing, and I took it at face value. Then later I heard pundits and armchair Judge Judys rake him about it… and I thought WTF? Can we just take what he said at face-value and just say Okay and leave it? Like, he’s an adult and so is Elin, and their marriage troubles are NONE of my business, but he felt obligated to speak about it, but he didn’t take questions, and that makes him a control-freak diva somehow? Shut the h*ll up and leave him and his family alone, folks! Good grief! I wouldn’t want to take questions from the press about MY marriage troubles, either! The questions people may have? None of their business.
Sorry, I feel a little strongly about this.
GraD — I know!! I do, too!! Yes, no press conferences for me about MY life either.
Thank you! I’ve been cranky over this too! It’s good to know there are others out there who think that he doesn’t owe us anything.
Straight up: I didn’t want or need to hear an apology from him.
I would not mind hearing an apology from those who kept holding him up, time after time, as such a wholesome family man that we SHOULD admire as a role model/hero. You know you’ve heard it, from announcers, commentators, entertainment “reporters.” Why do we let them do this to them, to us?
Kate P — I think you’re onto something here. Why not, from the get-go, just say things like:
“Golfer and utter a-hole Tiger Woods won The US Open yesterday.”
“Oscar winner and overall bastard Denzel Washington spoke to us today from the set of his new movie.”
“Grammy nominee and total bitch Taylor Swift was involved in a fender bender last week.”
I mean, wouldn’t it be a tremendous HELP? For everyone? No pressure for them. No expectations for us. Just tell people they’re all monsters from the get-go. Then if they did something GOOD, we’d all be pleasantly surprised, right?
I LOVE being pleasantly surprised.
Yeah! Well said. It makes me feel less weird to know others feel this way too.
Couple of other thoughts: I suspect it’s mostly the media who think Tiger (or other celebs) owes them. I could be wrong about that–I don’t do facebook or twitter–but I get the distinct impression that what mostly pissed them off was that he didn’t take questions, and that in general he has protected his, and his family’s, privacy and carefully controlled media access to him. They WANT access, they WANT to know what’s going on, and they mistake their want to know with the right to know. Tiger has denied them, and now they are taking it out on him, because they can–they own the microphone, so to speak. I confess to being curious–just exactly how does a person end up crashing a car into a tree just outside his own driveway, anyway?–but I don’t think that gives me some kind of right to know, nor am I entitled to a “proper” apology, or apology of any kind, just because I’m curious, or like to watch golf when Tiger’s playing.
I have PMS, so I’ll be playing your Devil’s Advocate today. Tip your waitress. Try the veal.
What *I* think Tiger should’ve done (other than keep his d*ck in his pants, which apparently is too difficult even when you’re married to a Swedish supermodel) is exactly what he did in the beginning. Cooperate with the authorities; issue a statement that says please respect our privacy, marital issues, blah blah blah fishcakes; and then do whatever his wife requires he do to preserve their marriage.
Then SHUT THE EFF UP until he was ready to play golf again. We may be voyeurs, the American Public, but we have the attention spans of gnats. Someone else is in line to take over TMZ, dude. WAIT IT OUT. Enter a small tournament quietly. Make a statement that says “I’m my wife’s b*tch for the next 20 years unless I want to pay her millions of dollars and I’ll make no further statements. Please respect my privacy.” Then go out, kick some butt on the course, and you know what? He’d have been LAUDED. He would’ve been the friggin’ poster child for sex rehab and Promise Keepers and the whole shebang.
But? No.
For whatever reason — handlers, hubris, what have you, he felt he owed us, the American Public, an “apology.” And not only was it a wimpy closed-circuit-tv statement w/no questions, his people announced it TWO DAYS EARLY. Hey, America? Remember that crap you almost forgot about? HERE’S SOME MORE!
I have zero (ZERO!) sympathy for celebrities who court the media and then cry Privacy! when the media turns on them. Tiger has a bazillion dollars — he can buy some privacy. And because he won’t, he’s fair game.
In my PMS-y opinion.
Lisa — I get what you’re saying. I guess I’m addressing people with the mentality that Tiger Woods owed them an apology. Those people are my pet peeve here. I mean, one feeds the other, perhaps. People act all personally offended or disappointed by what he did and then Woods or his handlers or whoever feels pressure to make a public apology for a private issue so people will feel less disappointed with a celebrity they are WAY too invested in.
Maybe a written statement would have been better, I can see that point, but maybe his apology is a response to public pressure to DO SOMETHING. I guess I’m not sure where the line is here between his courting the media and responding to pressures. To me, the fact that he didn’t allow questions seems to indicate a response to external pressures more than really courting the media.
But I love your PMS-y opinion.
/blah blah blah fishcakes/
Hahahahahahaha. THAT’S what he should have said!!!
Leave my family alone. I’m on a horse.
Hmm. Maybe not.
Cullen — Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Tiger needs to NOT do an Old Spice “Hello, ladies” commercial — he’s obviously said THAT enough — but still, I am howling!!!
I know you’re joking, but, Denzel needs to be left alone in this conversation. ALONE!!! Point made.
And, since I made the point, I think that I would be very upset if he ever did something Tigerish to his wife. Because I so want him to be a good man.
I know, I’m a hypocrite when it comes to not caring about Tiger but being bothered by something like this happening to Denzel.
Kathi — I know. It’s unfair. That’s why I HAD to pick him, because no one ever hears a bad word about Denzel.
I loves me the Denzel.
Oh, Denzel! *Sigh* He’s my celebrity crush.
The point made about Denzel is EXACTLY the way I felt about Tiger. I have always liked golf (playing more than watching obviously), but I love Tiger. He is just so above and beyond everyone else much of the time, AND he brings the competitive level up just by being in a tournament…they all play better when they’re competing with HIM. So, upon hearing of his “misdeeds” I felt gut-punched. NOOOOOOOO! Say it ain’t so, Tiger! Another one bites the dust. Another “role model” or “hero” or whatever just proves they’re human and fallible after all. I don’t feel he owes me a thing, I was just bitterly disappointed that he couldn’t keep it in his pants. Mostly I just feel sorry for him for the media circus, embarrassment, and family consequences that he has brought down on himself and his wife and kids. Sad. I guess I just wish more people in the fishbowl could live um…”exemplary” lives. Whatever…humans aren’t perfect and will always disappoint…all of us are so imperfect. Sigh…