a sampling of the mindset #2

More from Dude.

This is after MB and others gave him a polite and much-needed smackdown for the comment referenced in the post below and he’s having a change-ish of heart. He’s directing this at MB, after MB explained to him that “dumb” could mean “stupid” or “mute.” (Italics mine.):

As I was telling (another commenter), I was meaning dumb sheep as in their intelligence.  I once heard that they would follow each other off of a cliff and die just because they were following the one in front of them.  (Okay. This is an apt analogy of a FOCer. I’m with you.) I didn’t mean stupid or mute.  (Oh. Just suicidal then. I see.) I guess you interpreted my tone in a way I didn’t intend to be interpreted.  That’s always been the problem with written text; tone and influx of voice for emphasis doesn’t exist.  Even primitive written languages have that.  It stinks.  Did we ever meet?  I don’t remember a lot of last names.  (Yes, because, naturally, MB was using his real name. See how it works? Of course, everyone uses their REAL NAMES on the Internets! Sheesh. Jesus himself would use a screen name just so wouldn’t bug him, Dude.) Did I ever sin against you at the SD church?  If I did, please forgive me.

Brothers and Sisters, I never intended this to go this way.  I was hoping for some good iron sharpening iron.  I came across in a rude, boasting, arrogant way.  Please forgive me.  As for my questions and comments, that aren’t offensive, please help me?  Thank you so much!

So, okay. A teensie change.

But, then, Dude weighed in randomly, off-topic, just a month later:

When will you all come around? (FOC) ROCKS!! You have read and laughed at my story (eh???) but you know that I am in seminary and lead worship at FOC SD Church. I pastored in Calvary Chapel before. I’m young but I’ve been around. Get over your bitter selves and be reconciled with your brothers and sisters in the churches you left. I know you would be received with love and open arms! Let me say it again (FOC) ROCKS. We have planted 3 new churches in California and Arizona in just a year! Come back!!

I’m still unclear, Dude, and I wish you would just answer the question: Are you or are you NOT in leadership?

Strange how his earlier apology — a month before — seemed to have worn off, like Novacaine. I get it, Dude. Saying you’re sorry can feel like a root canal.

My response to Dude:

You know, I’m happy FOC is so great for (Dude), but honestly, coming in here and speaking that way is like trying to sell the awesomeness of peanuts to a roomful of people with deadly peanut allergies. Look, we tried peanuts and they nearly killed us. You peanut lovers, eat away, but you need to be OKAY with those of us who choose not to partake because it proved detrimental to our health.

(Dude), let’s imagine a scenario for a minute. Let’s imagine, oh, your best friend’s wife cheated on him and he found out. Let’s imagine he’s utterly devastated. Let’s imagine HE — the injured party — tries and tries to work it out with her, all to no avail. Then let’s imagine because of his pain, because of his wife’s unrepentance and unwillingness to work it out, he feels he must leave his wife. Would you, in the face of your friend’s horrible grief and betrayal, dare to say to him, “But SHE ROCKS! SHE IS AN AWESOME WIFE!! When are you going to come around to that? Just get over your bitter self and go back! She will welcome you with open arms!!”

(She won’t admit anything wrong or she’ll throw it back on you ….. but “GO BACK! SHE IS AWESOME!!!”)

That’s essentially what you’re doing to those of us here who’ve been really hurt or abused or wronged or betrayed by FOC. It’s not a perfect analogy, I know. You’re that guy callously demanding that your broken friend go back to the unrepentant spouse. You’re that guy expecting your human hurting friend to just GET OVER — on your timeline — some massive spiritual and emotional damage.

Processing things of this nature takes TIME, (Dude). I am not Jesus. I am human. I need the GRACE of time. I need the GRACE to have a human reaction. Do I need to forgive? Yes. Forgiving can hard enough when someone asks us for forgiveness, but when it’s not asked for, not even sought, that doubles my load of forgiveness. I must forgive what was done and THEN forgive that there’s total unrepentance about what was done. Can you understand that, (Dude)?

I truly hope you’re never injured by a church in a similar way. I also hope no one whose “soul you end up shepherding” is ever hurt BY you — not until you learn, really learn, to develop the compassionate heart of Jesus. I don’t know if they teach that in seminary. You may have to ask the Holy Spirit to give you some. And, in my experience, whenever I’ve asked the Holy Spirit for more of this quality or that quality — it’s funny. He puts me in situations where I need to exercise that quality but can only do so with HIS help. Maybe you’re continuing to read here because the Lord wants you to learn compassion for his hurting sheep FOR YOUR SAKE. For the sake of your future as a pastor. Maybe God’s intent for your readership here isn’t to chastise the hurting. Maybe it’s something that has more to do with compassion. Just a thought.

You chastising me and others about how we need to COME BACK and GET OVER OURSELVES is not likely to produce that outcome. It’s like you’re some cheerleader at a wake. It’s just not appropriate.

I admit — I’m taking your attitude quite personally because I went to YOUR church. I know exactly who you are. I’m glad you like your church. I’m glad that’s true for you. But your church hurt me. And that is true for ME. Accept that. You ARE representing your church, whether you like it or not. You’re in leadership, as you’ve repeatedly stated.

And I don’t think your tone and insensitivity represent your church very well.

Dude, Dude, Dude.

I had a flicker of hope for you with your change-ish of heart, but then — poof! — it died.