Month: October 2009

In the comments here, I asked blog friend Brian to tell me more about his home church. He sent me such a lovely, thoughtful email about the whole thing, about his spiritual process, that I asked him if I could please post it here. During the process of writing about church, I’ve been somewhat surprised at how many emails I’ve received from readers who don’t comment but who said to me, “I feel that way too.” “I feel alienated.” “I feel burned.” “I don’t know what to do.”

The church at large has a problem. It’s hurting its own people, not to mention the wrong message that sends to would-be or don’t-wanna-be Christians about what being a Christian actually IS.

So I share Brian’s email with those people too. It gives me hope. Maybe it will do the same for someone else. It teared me up with hope, actually, that maybe, just maybe, church can do what Jesus wanted it to do all along.

Thanks, Brian.

Here’s his email:

Tracey,

When I read things like your recent blog post it makes me sad. I cry because God wants so much more from his Church and some people just get in the way. We Christians have become a dysfunctional family, and who wants to be part of a dysfunctional family? Just drive down any street in this country and you’ll see church buildings on every corner and the only thing that divides them are rules or beliefs that man has put in place: we use electric guitars – well we don’t, we worship on Sunday – well we worship on Saturday, we take communion each week – well, we don’t… it goes on and on.

I’m going to make a very long story short.

I have been part of the institutional church all my life. I was baptized as a baby in the Catholic Church and again when I was seventeen and part of a non-denominational Christian Church. As it stands I believe that Jesus is the son of God, died on the cross, was buried, and raised to life three days later. I believe that the bible is the Word of God and he left it to tell us his story and if we want to know him we need to read his story. I believe that his Spirit dwells among us today teaching, guiding, and inspiring us. Beyond this I take things as they come and trust that the Lord knows better than I do.

About four years ago I started to really look at the church I was attending and how they were spending their time and resources. I began by reading and studying the four Gospels and the book of Acts to see what Jesus and his early followers were doing with everything they were given. The church we were attending had recently adopted the “seeker friendly” model that many mega-churches had adopted. Each week I started to see Jesus getting pushed to the side in favor of feel good sermons, stories, and events. Sermons became more like Dr. Phil or Oprah shows. Programs were started and forgotten. If there was a new person on Sunday morning I’d never know it because they’d be one of the thousand mixing in with the crowd. We built a coffee shop in the church and charged money for coffees and snacks under the guise of relationship building. Our monthly budget was well into the seven figures. If I drove by the church building during the week I noticed it was typically empty. The parking spaces that were filled were usually by the thirty plus staff members that worked there. All of this and our church was dying.

This pained me but I kept it to myself.

At this same time I was an adult leader with the High School students. On a mission trip to Mexico I ended up driving a supply van down that I was in charge of all week. One of the other adult leaders rode with me during the time we were in Mexico. Our discussions led to my feelings about the church and how Jesus was being left behind. She understood and felt the same way. She told me I should read a book – “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller. I’d never heard of it. Donald Miller was from Portland which made it kind of cool. Upon my return to Portland I picked up a copy and devoured it. Where had this guy been all this time? He blew my mind. I’d never read anything like this by a Christian author. He nailed it for me and gave me the courage to stand up and start asking questions and to seek Jesus in our midst.

After Mexico and Blue Like Jazz my conversations with people changed and I found out I wasn’t alone. For the next three years I researched, talked, conversed, prayed, read, and really searched for Jesus. I got off my butt and started working with the homeless ministry downtown and even became a mentor to the guys in the program.

This journey brought us to some ugly places. We saw things in the church we didn’t like and things people did we thought made Jesus look bad. I know you’ve experience this also. In this journey we switched churches a few times and met a lot of different people. There was good and there was bad. We kept on the journey never giving up faith that God loved us and knew what was best for us. I get the impression this is where you and your husband are these days. Searching.

This year we started our son in a TaeKwonDo class to help build his confidence and to gain a little discipline. After a few weeks we learned that the Master’s who ran the Dojang were believers. They are awesome people. We learned that the Dojang was part of their ministry and that they also had a home church group that they were part of. They use the Dojang to be part of the community and to meet people and to be a light in a dark place. They are bold about their faith and they pull no punches (pun intended).

About the same time this happened my wife ran into an old college friend at the church we were attending on Sundays. She told my wife about the home church ministry that they were part of. My wife was intrigued. They run an organization that helps people in need fix their homes. It’s kind of like Habitat for Humanity but instead of building a whole house they fix what is already there. Through this organization they share Jesus and his love. Then on Sunday nights they meet in different homes and worship, commune, and celebrate life. We decided to get together with them for dinner to catch up on life and to hear more about their ministry.

At this dinner we got to share our story and our journey of the last couple years with them. They smiled and nodded. They knew. They had been there too. The husband recommended a book called “Pagan Christianity” by Frank Viola and George Barna. I picked up the book and read it. It confirmed many of the things that I had seen over the years that I didn’t think were parts of the church that God had written into his plan and some of the shortcomings of the institutional church. Side note in case you read it: some of the book is a little silly and the authors take it to the extreme in a few cases, but the authors are home church advocates and are trying to make their point that it is a better way to do church.

We are now part of our friend’s home church group. I’m also volunteering time with his non-profit organization. Four weeks ago I was on the roof, in the pouring rain, of a man who broke his back on the job and had a leaky roof. Through the amazing donations by local businesses and the volunteer time of a general contractor we totally replaced this family’s roof. No cost to them, no strings attached. We did it because we love Jesus and that is what he would have done. Tonight me and another guy are having coffee at the family’s house under their new roof.

When we meet on Sunday nights at someone’s house we sit together as fellow believers in Christ. We share a meal and sit and talk about life. We share scripture and what Jesus is doing in our lives. We tell our stories. We pray and meditate. Sometimes we will sing a song or two, sometimes we don’t. We laugh together and cry together. It is a family. It is Church how, in my humble opinion, God intended. The group is diverse, very diverse. We have old people and young, alcoholics & drug addicts, married, divorced, single, the fat and the thin, the employed and unemployed.

As I read the book of Acts I see the Church of that day meeting in homes, gathering in the community, supporting each other, loving each other, correcting each other, and living their lives in a way that glorifies the risen Christ. This is what we strive for. We are not perfect, we do not have all the answers, but we try and I think God will bless us for that.

For now we are putting our faith in God that he has us in the right place. We are at peace and really enjoying this new experience. People think we’re crazy and that’s okay, maybe we are.

There are reasons why, for about the last six weeks, this blog has been completely lame. Some are behind-the-scenes personal things that are consuming my thoughts, things I’m not inclined to share right now. Others are church-related things sucking my brains away. And, actually, that’s the stuff I’ve been hinting about. The stuff I don’t know how to talk about or where, even, to begin.

Suffice it to say right now my blog is being “watched” by powers that be within the larger organization of Seriously Not Likely Church, formerly known as Maybe Church.

Suffice it to say that someone I trusted, someone I’d always believed trustworthy without question — someone I would have trusted with my life — who came by my blog address through a series of bizarre, stupid, and somewhat happenstance events, outed my blog to the church people who are now “watching” it.

Suffice it to say that these powers seem to believe I have “slandered” them and their church, despite the fact that the name of this church has never ever been mentioned here.

Suffice it to say that these powers would likely NEVER have found my blog had it not been outed. They couldn’t have Googled anything church related and found me. And if they had stumbled upon me, they would never have known what church I’m even talking about had they not been told.

Suffice it to say that I barely understand anything that’s going on here anymore.

But suffice it to say, that at this point, I’m furious and I want to say to all of these watchers:

SCREW IT.

SCREW IT.

Yep. I said screw it. Please alert more powers. Also Jesus. Or you know what, watchers? Confront me about my “sin.” My sins. Whatever you’ve decided I’ve done wrong here. Please do. Make yourselves known. You’ve got something you want to say to me? SAY it. For God’s sake, when I have bigger cojones than the men in the church, something’s wrong. Nothing worse to me than cowardly men.

I’m tired of tiptoeing around. I’m tired of betrayal. I’m tired of the contempt I’ve been made to feel for my own blog and for myself.

Please GOD, I am SO SO TIRED.

Where are the good people anymore? Where have they gone, God? Please tell me. I’m literally begging you. I’m completely losing hope in this area. Not in you, but in your people. Honestly, I can’t take it anymore. And the betrayal here at the core of this whole thing — I can’t even write about that part of it.

Look, Slappies. I doubt you’re here because you like the writing or me — which are the reasons that my regular readers/normal people come here, actually. No. You’re coming here with some kind of agenda. You’re coming here with judgment in your hearts already, a truly sickening thing since I have done absolutely nothing but write about my foray into a new anonymous church. And that’s somehow gossip? Or slander? You know, I can’t abide people who don’t understand basic meanings of basic words and use their misunderstandings of basic words to form the basis of ridiculous, mind-bogglingly stupid judgments.

What is wrong with you? Seriously, what is wrong with you?? Don’t come here bearing the name of Christ if you’re just going to be douches.

I’m sorry to my regular readers. I really am. I’m pissed and sick of feeling cowed.

Watch out, watchers. I haven’t named any names, but I make no promises to STAY discreet. I have no allegiance to your precious “organization.” Jesus doesn’t call us to that.

And, you know, watchers, I’m feeling kind of trampy and really pissed off, so I think maybe next Sunday, I shall don something “immodest” (by your crazy-rigid standards) and form-fitting when I dress for church. So beware my saucy D’s! If you ask me, they’re the very model of — what’s that phrase you like to throw around? — “Christian womanhood.” Alas, bummer for those of you who don’t attend this location. You’ll miss the D’s.

Let’s face it. If you’re viewing me as some kind of slanderous slattern, may as well look the part, right?

I’ll leave you to figure out how to manage that one next Sunday. I mean, you can’t stare at the saucy D’s; I’ll know it’s you. And you can’t avert your eyes from the saucy D’s, or I’ll know it’s you. Hm. Conundrum. Hm.

Well, I imagine I’ve said enough in this one post to send you all weeping and wailing in repentance to every last man in church for reading this filthy blog. I mean, clearly, there’s nothing here but slander and smut so you really should move along, for the sake of your eternal souls. At least with this post I’ve given you something to judge me for.

(And if you want to add “ends sentence with a preposition” as something FOR WHICH to judge me, so be it.)

See how the Lord provides? You have a need to judge and, behold, this post — his provision!

Judge away, Slappies.