insane email snippets

~ I’m thinking of doing like a very dark urban tale of dystopian woe.

~ So now I’m thinking of zombie love stories.

~ Oooh, that could definitely have a sex cabal. A zombie sex cabal!

~ Although, issue: Are zombies inherently unsexy? We must discuss.

~ Wouldn’t it be funny to have a company that employs zombies ? You’d have zombie bill collectors, zombie salesmen, zombie gas traders. The company has the lease on the lives of these zombies for 780 years. Companies are very powerful. Extremely. They do not have to pay zombies as much as normals, so their operating costs are minimal. Plus, zombies work 24/7/365. One lowly zombie discovers that some special zombies have been working on nanobots that will restore life. So they’ll still live forever, but as normals. This zombie (Darryl? Bob? Joe?) thinks he can steal the tech but he has to zombie-nap another scientist because, obvy, he doesn’t know how to use it himself.

And then…

Something happens. I’m not sure what. This is as far as I’ve gotten. I need liquor.

~ You could have a whole scene where the zombie workers sit around and order lunch take-out. But, of course, they only eat brains. It takes them all day to order take-out brains from, oh, Luigi’s Braineria. Because they don’t have people skills, obviously.

“Luigi’s Braineria, what can I get you?”

“Errrrwaahhhbaalggaaa.”

“What’s that, pal? Try again.”

“Gaaalbbaaaakabbballaaaaagggah.”‘

Uhm, basically, the scene goes nowhere and that’s the beauty of it.

~ Oh, and Luigi’s Brainera is ALWAYS hiring because lunch IS the delivery boy. This could be a recurring bit in your book.

~ You know, I’m not even drunk. These are SOBER ideas.

~ MB says the name of this book is The Brain Trust.

~ My Zombie Manicurist is the sequel.

~ The zombies just tap into the victim’s brain with an umbrella straw, like a pina colada or something.

~ They give smouldering, sexy looks to other zombies across the room while sipping on their brainycolada.

~ Brainycolada. Hahahahahahaha.

And you know, zombies are slow and pasty and such, but if anyone suspects, you can just say, “Oh, he’s from IT.”

~ “Oh wait, this woman’s not goth! She’s DEAD!”

~ How about dwarves? Or gnomes? There aren’t enough books about gnomes. A gnome thriller. A gnome sex cabal.

~ Which is less sexy? A zombie or a gnome? This is important stuff.

~ It is impossible to make zombies sexy. Would YOU want to be kissed by a guy with brain breath????

~ But at least they have initiative. What do gnomes ever DO??

~ Hang out in gardens. That’s all I know.

I think a zombie who has erectile dysfunction would be fun. And a gnome who – as far as I know – does not have any sex organs. It is a love that will never be.

~ How come no one has yard zombies? There are yard gnomes. I don’t think this is fair to the zombs.

~ I think we need to start this trend. Yard zombies! I love it! Oh don’t mind that zombie, that’s Harold, a lawn zomb.

Cross-posted here. But I edited. Because I’m a little hypocrite. Please leave me alone in my self-loathing.