snippets

ME: She looks like an old-timey clothespin.

*******
HE: I’ll be a few minutes.
ME: It’s okay. I can wait. I’m not 2.
(a pause)
ME: I’m more like 3.

*******
HE: He’s better when he’s not trying to be impressive.
ME: People are rarely at their best when they’re trying to be impressive.
HE: True.
ME: That’s why I’m so great.
HE: Oh?
ME: I am totally unimpressive.
HE: Oh, I see your plan there.

*******
HE: Facebook messes with the established social order of high school. It’s wrong.

snippets

On a long drive into the mountain. Weird things come up.

We pass a place called the “Lemurian Fellowship.”

ME: So lemurs have their own fellowship now?
HE: I guess. I’m Reformed Hedgehogian myself.

*******
Describing to MB the book I’m reading after he’s made all kinds of hideous assumptions about it and irritated me.

ME: So there’s an older man and he falls in love with a younger woman and she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and her name is Tracey.
HE: Oh? And what’s his name?
ME: To Be Determined Later.

*******
Discussing nursing homes.

ME: Mom will be one of those old people they end up killing.

*******
Idly singing a snippet of an old hymn while gazing out the window.

ME (in a dreamy voice): My mom used to sing that to us when we were little. (pause) And I was like, “Shut up, Mom.”
HE: Hahahahahahaha.
ME: Thought I was going a different way with that little story, didn’t you?

*******

ME: We need to accept the fact that as the years go by, we are going to become increasingly gross to each other.
HE: Haha. Yes, we need to have a frank discussion regarding our bill of rights and dealbreakers.

random snippets

We are at the stoplight at the bottom of the hill where, for a few months now, there has been a homeless couple panhandling at the corner. They seem in their early 30s but it’s hard to tell. The man seems to be in charge of 3 things: walking up and down the hill, holding the sign, and menacing cars. The woman seems to be in charge of one thing: sitting near the crosswalk curled over on herself. He goes to work — menacing cars up and down the same 30-foot stretch of sidewalk — and she curls over on herself. Watching this behavior, something suddenly occurs to me so I turn to MB and say, “Oh, I get it now. She’s stay-at-home homeless.”

*******

Favorite piece of movie dialog heard over the weekend:

HE: You’re shaking.
SHE: It’s the weather.

(What?? Well, sunny days do that to me, too.)

*******

Favorite parts (so far) of niece Piper’s novel “Cleo’s Adventures”:

Then the four of them rode a subway to Montana.

I also liked this dialog:

“Don’t be lazy, Jack. You’re a demigod, not a cat!”

“I wish I WERE a cat,” grumbled Jack.

And this opening:

When her mom told her she was sending her to Greek school, Cleo thought she said geek school.

I actually think that’s a pretty good opening sentence. Go, Piper!

She left me with a cliffhanger in the unfinished Chapter Four. It’s called “An Unplanned Swim” and apparently involves a hideous sea serpent in the Missouri River. When I asked her how a sea serpent ended up in the Missouri River, Piper said simply, “He just got lost and decided he liked it there.”

No complicated reason. Sometimes the most straightforward explanation is best, you know?

She has 24 pages so far. Oh, this is her second novel.

She is 10.

weekend snippets

MB to me:

“You’re like a bucket of popcorn shrimp! You just keep making me happy!”

*********

Describing an old Beanhouse customer we saw on the boulevard:

“Ugh. He was the grumpiest man alive. Like he was made of onions or something.”

**********

Baby Banshee, wondering where her cousin, Younger Nephew, is:

“Tee Tee, where dat guy dat goes wid da doggie?”

**********

Submitting to “The Hypnosis Game” as played by The Banshee and Piper.

BANSHEE: Okay, Tee Tee. Watch this necklace.
TEE TEE: Okay.
BANSHEE: You’re getting sleepy, okay?
TEE TEE: Uhm, sure.
BANSHEE: Well, you ARE getting sleepy, Tee Tee!
TEE TEE: Yes, ma’am.
PIPER: When I clap my hands, you will wake up and you will be our servant.
TEE TEE: That’s a bummer.
BANSHEE: Tee Tee! You’re asleep!
TEE TEE: Yes, ma’am.
BANSHEE: And …… you won’t be our servant, you’ll be our …… BEAUTIFUL LADY!!
TEE TEE: Nice save, Banshee.

Piper claps her hands.

BANSHEE: Hellooo, BEAUTIFUL LADY!!
TEE TEE: What’s up?
BANSHEE: Now go get us some cake!

snippet

“I’m not taking care of myself because I’m living from my blah and not my beauty.”

~ overheard in the bookstore where two old Jewish ladies were talking

I have rarely heard anything more wise.

snippet

Coupla dudes, just talkin. Not about me, I feel the need to add.

MB: She wears like a size 11 shoe.

(pause)

FRIEND: She must have a HUGE penis.

snippet

For reasons I can’t explain — or rather, won’t — the phrase/song of the week has been:

“Her burp cloth brings all the boys to the yard.”

I blame MB. It’s his fault. As usual.

snippet

We are watching “You’ve Got Mail.”

ME: Did you hear that lyric?? “I’ve been around the world, had my pickle in a girl”????
HE: Hon, I think it was “Had my pick of any girl.”
ME: Oh.
HE: Yeah.

snippets

(After mentioning someone old before his time.)

HIM: Dude, it’s called Touch of Grayâ„¢ not Shock of Old.

*********

HIM: So you have two kids but you’re not married? Sheesh. Put a ring on that cervix.

That man is out of control these days. He’s some kind of crazy grouchaholic now and I must really be weird because I think IT IS AWESOME.