Category: banshee boy aka “the negotiator”

ME: Uhm, Banshee Boy?
BB: Yes, Tee Tee, vhat you vant? I vedy busy.
ME: You are?
BB: Yes. Vedy.
ME: Seriously you are?
BB: Yes, Tee Tee! Can’t you see? I vedy busy.
ME: Wow. Uhm, okay. Well, you know — I’m sorry, I just have to say this and I suppose it’s none of my business, but you seem like you’re just ….. kind of …… showing off ……..and, well, strutting, you see, is the word that comes to mind.
BB: I not know vhat you talk about. Vhat is dis verd? “Strudding”?
ME: Well, it’s when you know you look good —
BB: Vhich I do.
ME: Right. And that’s my point. So you know you look good and you kind of …. show off a bit because you feel good about looking good.
BB: No, Tee Tee! I not do dat! How I do someting vhen I not know vhat someting is? But I do look goot in dese jeans.
ME: You do, Banshee Boy. But no strutting, I guess?
BB: No! Dis is crazy talk! I outraged!
ME: Uh, sorry. I just thought —
BB: No, Tee Tee! Dat is de problem! You no tink! You just bladder!
ME: “Bladder”?
BB: Yes! Dis is vhat I say. Bladder. Talk, talk, talk. No tink.
ME: Uhm, sorry, Banshee Boy.
BB: It’s hokay, Tee Tee. Now please to leaf me alone to valk dis vay den dat vay den dis vay again.
ME: Uh, sure.
BB: But I just valking like normal boy.
ME: Of course.
BB: Not dis crazy strudding ting you say.
ME: Right.
BB: Now please to moof. You are blocking my vay.

Mere moments later ……..

ME: So, Banshee Boy.
BB: Yes, Tee Tee, vhat? You are vedy demanding today.
ME: Well, it’s just curious to me.
BB: Vhat?
ME: Well, okay. You just finished not strutting and now —
BB: I just tired from all de valking.
ME: You’re never tired.
BB: You do not know me so vell, Tee Tee. I sometimes tired.
ME: So you’re just tired then?
BB: Yes.
ME: From all the “walking”?
BB: Yes!
ME: So I guess I should assume you are definitely not posing right now?
BB: Again, Tee Tee, you use veird verds I not understand.
ME: You are not showing off your tight jeans and/or your belly?
BB: Is dat vhat dis posing ting is?
ME: Well, in this situation, yes.
BB: Den I vedy much not do dat.
ME: Right.
BB: But you do see de jeans, den?
ME: Oh, yes.
BB: And de belly?
ME: Yes, Banshee Boy. It’s pretty hard to miss. I actually think I see the outline of your left kidney where the jeans press down on it. We could have Thanksgiving dinner on that belly.
BB: You no need to be hurtful, Tee Tee. I just a tired boy vid a healty appetite. Dat is all dat is goink on here.
ME: Good to know.
BB: Now please right now to take my photo.

BANSHEE BOY: So. Tee Tee. Here you are ageen. Vill you never let me hef peas?
ME: Peas? Sure, you can have peas. I mean, I have carrots for you here but you want peas?
BB: No! Not peas. Peas. Peeeeas. Peas of mind.
ME: Ohh, peas of mind.
BB: Yes! Dis is vhat I say! Peas of mind!
ME: Well, I dunno, Banshee Boy. You’re 7 months old. Your life seems pretty peaceful to me. You think painful gas is the height of suffering.
BB: You no understand me at all. I veddy disappointed.
ME: I’m sorry to hear that.
BB: Please to geef me peas to suck on mushed apples in dis cone tingy you geef me. Dat is all I vant.
ME: Sure.
BB: You no need to stare at me.
ME: Uhm, sure. Sorry.
BB: Tank you. You move along now, Tee Tee.

BANSHEE BOY: Tee Tee!!!! I tink I luf you!!! I KNOW I luf you!!! Tee TEEEEEEEE!!!!

BB: Tee TEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Say you luf me too!!!!!

BB: I tink of nuttink but you!! And de jars of de Gerber pears!!! Vell, I tink of you just as much anyvey!!! Tee TEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

BB: TEE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Please to say you luf me!!!!!! Please to say it!!!!!

BB: TEE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

ME: Well, you know, I think you’re very nice.

BB: TEE TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Another installment in the ongoing saga of my relationship with my new nephew, aka Banshee Boy, aka The Negotiator.

BANSHEE BOY: Tee Tee.
ME: Yes?
BB: Please to remember how I sed I vhas not moved by all your do-inks?
ME: Yeah, I remember.
BB: Vell …….
ME: “Vell”?
BB: Velll …………..
ME: “Vell,” what?
BB: Vell, I tek it all back! I eem VEDY moved by ALL your do-inks!
ME: Oh? Really?
BB: Yes, YES!
ME: That’s great, kid.
BB: I eem keptivitated by you!
ME: Oh, okay, good to know.
BB: I kennot control myself!
ME: Wow. Okay.
BB: I tink I feel de luf for you! I tink my head will splode vit de joy!
ME: Uhm, really, wow. This is getting embarrassing, Banshee Boy.
BB: I just speak de troot! Tee Tee! I luf you! I eem full of de luf for you!!
ME: Sheesh, kid. Get a grip.
BB: I do not vhant de grip!! Hold me, Tee Tee!! Please to hold me!
ME: Uhmm ……….. yeah, where’s your dad?
BB: Tee Teeeeeee!! I vill never not to feel de luf for you!!!
ME: (muttering) This is so undignified.
BB: Tee Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

The Negotiator is a tough nut to crack.

BANSHEE BOY: Tee Tee.
ME: Yes?
BB: Please to not tink I eem moved by your do-inks.
ME: Uhmm …… I really don’t know what you meannn ……
BB: Please. Tee Tee. Let us speak de troot here.
ME: Uh, sure.
BB: I see you do-ink dat ting you are do-ink.
ME: You mean, looking at you?
BB: Tee Tee. No.
ME: You mean …… taking your picture?
BB: Tee Tee. Please to not pretend vit me.
ME: But —
BB: I see you do-ink dat ting vit your lips.
ME: What thing?
BB: Vhere you mek your lips become like de blubber.
ME: Blubber?
BB: And vhere dey move vedy fast.
ME: Oh, really? Hm.
BB: And vhere you mek de veird noise.
ME: There’s a noise?
BB: Yes! Tee Tee. Please speak de troot! You are tryink to mek me lef.
ME: “Lef”?
BB: Yes. De “ha ha ha” ting.
ME: Oh, I see.
BB: Yes! Tee Tee! And I eem not moved by your do-inks, hokay?
ME: Sure. Okay, Banshee Boy. Whatever you say. We’ll see.
BB: No! Ve vill not “see.”
ME: We’ll see if we’ll see.
BB: Please to mek sense, Tee Tee.
ME: That’s not how I roll, kid.
BB: Vell, den, I vill say dat ve vill see if ve vill see if ve vill see.
ME: All righty. So. Isn’t it your bedtime now?
BB: Yes. I find I grow veary, Tee Tee. Please to carry me to my crib.