Category: the best thing ever blog game

All righty. Half of you are about to learn your U. S. Open Women’s Singles Player!!

The rest of you are still on slips of paper sitting quietly in our Impartial Best Thing Ever Blog Game Bowls and will be assigned as soon as the matches have been played that dwindle those players down to eight.

So, MB and I randomly drew these from our aforementioned bowls with drumroll sound effects and The Simpsons playing in the background, to add to the general solemnity of the occasion. I’ve added links to some info/photos of the players so you can learn a bit about yours, if you like. Oh, and may I say that some of you are verrry pretty ponies? (Mazeltov, Baseball! And also Gene Wilder! Finally!)

The Women’s draw is really exciting and unpredictable this year. Any of you could win this — that includes those of you still sitting quietly in my bowl.

So hang on!

Here we go. Player assignments — first half:

Opportunity — ricki
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Dinara Safina (RUS)

Old Glory — Sal
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Serena Williams (USA)

Baseball — Lisa
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Ana Ivanovic (SRB)

Mark Twain — nightfly
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Marion Bartoli (FRA)

American Idol — Maggie May
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Sybille Bammer (AUT)

Gene Wilder — Brian
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Venus Williams (USA)

The Liberty Bell — Kate P
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Jelena Jankovic (SRB)

*NSYNC — sarahk
US Open Women’s Singles Player: Justine Henin (BEL)

Okay. That’s it for now. Read up on your player. Check them out. Fall in love. And you bowl sitters … just sit tight. I promise I won’t eat Trader Joe’s O’s on top of you or anything. You’re safe where you are until your big moment!

See you on the court, peeps.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Since I used the men’s draw for Wimbledon, I decided to use the women’s draw this time around. Just to mix it up.

All right. It’s embarrassing — I can’t believe how long it took to find images I liked for a few of these. What is wrong with me??

(And uhm, Denzel? I love you, but, hon? Why do you look perfectly the same in evvvery photo of you? Why? Why? doriangray doriangray doriangray)

Well, anyhoo, it is finished and …

Here you ARE, in all your living, dead, real, pretend, papery, intangible GLORY!!

Alexander Hamilton — sheila

The Constitution — Cullen

‘NSYNC — sarahk

Baseball — Lisa

The Liberty Bell — Kate P

Jazz — Katie

Old Glory — Sal

Opportunity — ricki

Gene Wilder — Brian

Google — Sarah

Mark Twain — nightfly

American Idol — Maggie May

Denzel Washington — Kathi

Dean Martin — WordGirl

PostSecret — red fish

Paul Bunyan — Anita

Okay. Here’s our final list. Images will be up for your Thing sometime tomorrow, Thursday. I’m still searching for some of them!

HERE ARE THE PLAYERS:

1) Alexander Hamilton — sheila

2) The Constitution — Cullen

3) ‘NSYNC — sarahk

4) Baseball — Lisa

5) The Liberty Bell — Kate P

6) Old Glory — Sal

7) Opportunity — ricki

8) Jazz — Katie

9) Gene Wilder — Brian

10) Mark Twain — nightfly

11) American Idol — Maggie May

12) Google — Sarah

13) Denzel Washington — Kathi

14) Dean Martin — WordGirl

15) PostSecret — red fish

16) Paul Bunyan — Anita

Stay tuned to be assigned to your U.S. Open Player. The tournament hasn’t progressed that far yet, but we are prepared!

All right, peeps. I’m in desperate need of some fun. It’s hot. Hot is not fun. Boheme is rife with crazies. Crazies are not fun. And I have a hangnail. And as everyone knows, hangnails are BARELY SURVIVABLE!!

Soooo …. uhm, guess what’s going on in the world of tennis?

Wait. Is that sarahk I hear? What’s that, sarahk? Yes! You’re right! The U.S. Open!!

That means it’s time again for:

THE BEST THING EVER BLOG GAME!!

AMERICAN VERSION!!

And you’re not sick of it. You’re NOT, dammit. I say so.

All right. Remember how this works? Please say yes. I explained it badly here, if you need to revisit the explanation I gave for Wimbledon. It’s the same dealio; just with America.

So I need 16 people to leave their pick in the comments here for The Best Thing Ever to come out of the good ol’ US of A. It can be a thing, a person, an event. Whatever. It’s your choice: The Best Thing Ever: America.

Remember: I take these entries on a first-come, first-served basis. With our English version, there were lots of people de-lurking to enter. De-lurkers are always welcome, of course, but you should be aware that your comments go into moderation first. Still, I will try my dern’dest to get to these as quickly as I can. Also, duplicate entries will be decided based on who got here first.

Once play at The Open gets down to the Round of 16, each Best Thing Ever will be assigned randomly to an Open player using our impartial Best Thing Ever bowls. In The Best Thing Ever, basically, you as a person no longer exist, so in that sense, you will know what it is like to work at Boheme and we will share a moment of strange solidarity.

You are Your Thing and Your Thing is Your Player.

How your player does in The Open is how your Best Thing Ever does in this game. Got it?

Oh, and it’s ruthless single elimination here.

Winner gets A POUND OF THE BEST COFFEE EVER!!

Eventually!!

(Right, Sheila?)

Also, because I’m a rather whimsical creature, I’m adding a wrinkle this time ’round: If your Thing/Player is eliminated, I think it would be fun if you make a post-match comment as your Thing explaining what the heck your problem was, why you lost, venting against the winner, whatever you think your Thing would say if interviewed after its unfortunate elimination. Make it as punny and silly and dramatic and bitter as you like. Say your “Thing” is Abe Lincoln and you lose. And maybe your Loser Comment starts with, oh, I don’t know: Fourscore and 40-love ago …. which is completely lame and that’s what I want! I mean, I just made that up here. But, basically, the lamer and sillier the better, Losers!

So when you choose your Best Thing Ever, go ahead and give some thought to what your Loser Comment might be, should you lose. Think of it as planning your acceptance speech for the Academy Awards …. only the total opposite of that, mmkay?

And I’m open to suggestions for a name other than “Loser Comment.” It seems kinda harsh, but it’s just what I typed here on the fly. Any ideas on that?

Okay, peeps!!

READY?

16 PEOPLE.

THE BEST THING EVER: AMERICA.

GO!!

THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM, aka SCALES OF JUSTICE
(Roger Federer, SUI)!!!

It took 5 sets for the SCALES OF JUSTICE to do it, but in the end, they sentenced

MONTY PYTHON (Rafael Nadal, ESP)

to a life in the hoosgow, blowing their noses at each other and singing The Lumberjack Song. At match point, THE SCALES OF JUSTICE fell to its non-existent knees and began to cry. Which can’t be good for an inanimate metal thingy, what with the constant threat of rust and all. Still, it was weirdly moving and I choked up a bit, too.

(Oops! Wait! Family member in the area! Uhmmm, okay. Phhew. I’m totally sneaking around here in Youu-tah posting this on my non-existent blog, you see.)

Sooo ….. again, and quickly now, before I’m busted:

The winner of “The Best Thing Ever: England” is THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM/sheila!!

CONGRATULATIONS!! A pound of muy delicioso coffee — oh, handpacked by moi — winging your way!!

And thanks to all who played in the inaugural edition of The Best Thing Ever blog game!!

This should be a good one!!

It comes down to:

MONTY PYTHON (Rafael Nadal, ESP)

VS

THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM, aka SCALES OF JUSTICE (Roger Federer, SUI)

Shake hands, gentlemen and inanimate metal thingy! Have a good game!

Here they are, before we drive off to the non-bee-arr-infested Zion:

THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM, aka SCALES OF JUSTICE (Roger Federer, SUI)

SLAMMED THE GAVEL DOWN ON …..

JANE AUSTEN (Richard Gasquet, FRA)

ANNNND ….

MONTY PYTHON (Rafael Nadal, ESP)

NIPPLES EXPLODING WITH DELIGHT, DEFEATED …..

THE MAGNA CARTA (Novak Djokovic, SRB)

Miss Austen was later discovered slumped in a pub mumbling over a pint of ale, The Magna Carta in a soused wad on the floor nearby. Tsk, tsk.

Most indecorous.

SEMI-FINALS, EVERYONE!!

The draw of the final four looks like this:

THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM, aka SCALES OF JUSTICE (Roger Federer, SUI)

VS

JANE AUSTEN (Richard Gasquet, FRA)

ANNNND ….

MONTY PYTHON (Rafael Nadal, ESP)

VS

THE MAGNA CARTA (Novak Djokovic, SRB)

Good luck to the men, the woman, the inanimate thingy, and the paper!

Lordy!! What a day for trying to connect to the Innernets!

And what a day at the All-England Tennis Club!

So the results ….

THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM, aka SCALES OF JUSTICE
(Roger Federer, SUI)

THREW THE BOOK AT

THE MINI COOPER (Juan Carlos Ferrero, ESP)

Which is an amazing feat for an inanimate armless thingy.

JANE AUSTEN (Richard Gasquet, FRA)

IN A SHOW OF RELENTLESS PERSUASION, DISPATCHED

THE BEATLES (Andy Roddick, USA)

Miss Austen later said, “They may be bigger than Jesus, but at least He could return a serve.”

THE MAGNA CARTA (Novak Djokovic, SRB)

BEHEADED, IN THE WORST PAPER CUT EVER ….

THOMAS MORE (Marcos Baghdatis, CYP)

After the match, Mr. More’s head was spotted canoodling with Miss Thatcher’s head over Cadbury chocolates at the concessions stand.

MONTY PYTHON (Rafael Nadal, ESP)

Later in the locker room, Mr. Shakespeare cornered the newest chick reporter — the last chick reporter having quit after yesterday’s codpiece incident — and insisted she interview him.

“A man can die but once,” he said.

“But, sir, you’re not dead,” she replied.

“I am a man more sinned against than sinning.”

“It was a fair game, sir.”

“”For the rain it raineth every day,” he sighed.

“Okaaay, well …. it has been raining a lot.”

“”Fair is foul, and foul is fair!”

“Are you talking about baseball now, sir?”

“Delays have dangerous ends,” he reminded her.

“But you finished the game.”

“Having nothing, nothing can he lose.”

“Well, but, you did lose the match.”

“Now is the winnnter of our discontent.”

“Yeaah …. well, sorry you’re so depressed about it.”

And with that, the chick reporter left our poetic loser to his random asides.

Mr. Shakespeare was last seen wandering the locker room, mumbling repeatedly to his racket, “Is this a dagger which I see before me?” and wearing nothing but his autographed codpiece.

See you on the courts, peeps.