All right, peeps. I’m in desperate need of some fun. It’s hot. Hot is not fun. Boheme is rife with crazies. Crazies are not fun. And I have a hangnail. And as everyone knows, hangnails are BARELY SURVIVABLE!!
Soooo …. uhm, guess what’s going on in the world of tennis?
Wait. Is that sarahk I hear? What’s that, sarahk? Yes! You’re right! The U.S. Open!!
That means it’s time again for:
THE BEST THING EVER BLOG GAME!!
AMERICAN VERSION!!
And you’re not sick of it. You’re NOT, dammit. I say so.
All right. Remember how this works? Please say yes. I explained it badly here, if you need to revisit the explanation I gave for Wimbledon. It’s the same dealio; just with America.
So I need 16 people to leave their pick in the comments here for The Best Thing Ever to come out of the good ol’ US of A. It can be a thing, a person, an event. Whatever. It’s your choice: The Best Thing Ever: America.
Remember: I take these entries on a first-come, first-served basis. With our English version, there were lots of people de-lurking to enter. De-lurkers are always welcome, of course, but you should be aware that your comments go into moderation first. Still, I will try my dern’dest to get to these as quickly as I can. Also, duplicate entries will be decided based on who got here first.
Once play at The Open gets down to the Round of 16, each Best Thing Ever will be assigned randomly to an Open player using our impartial Best Thing Ever bowls. In The Best Thing Ever, basically, you as a person no longer exist, so in that sense, you will know what it is like to work at Boheme and we will share a moment of strange solidarity.
You are Your Thing and Your Thing is Your Player.
How your player does in The Open is how your Best Thing Ever does in this game. Got it?
Oh, and it’s ruthless single elimination here.
Winner gets A POUND OF THE BEST COFFEE EVER!!
Eventually!!
(Right, Sheila?)
Also, because I’m a rather whimsical creature, I’m adding a wrinkle this time ’round: If your Thing/Player is eliminated, I think it would be fun if you make a post-match comment as your Thing explaining what the heck your problem was, why you lost, venting against the winner, whatever you think your Thing would say if interviewed after its unfortunate elimination. Make it as punny and silly and dramatic and bitter as you like. Say your “Thing” is Abe Lincoln and you lose. And maybe your Loser Comment starts with, oh, I don’t know: Fourscore and 40-love ago …. which is completely lame and that’s what I want! I mean, I just made that up here. But, basically, the lamer and sillier the better, Losers!
So when you choose your Best Thing Ever, go ahead and give some thought to what your Loser Comment might be, should you lose. Think of it as planning your acceptance speech for the Academy Awards …. only the total opposite of that, mmkay?
And I’m open to suggestions for a name other than “Loser Comment.” It seems kinda harsh, but it’s just what I typed here on the fly. Any ideas on that?
Okay, peeps!!
READY?
16 PEOPLE.
THE BEST THING EVER: AMERICA.
GO!!
Alexander Hamilton
Dean Stockwell
Hahahahahaha. Okay. Sheila, dearheart, you must choose between boyfriends.
The Constitution
I’m not even looking at your post until after I say one word: ‘NSYNC!
HAHAHAHAHA. Ever since Best Thing Ever: England ended, I’ve been waaaaaiting for Best Thing Ever: America! And yeah, I’ve had ‘NSYNC ready for a while. YAY!
Okay, Cullen!
Sheila — I’m going with your dead boyfriend on this one. Is that okay?
You knnnow, maybe someone could pick Aaron Burr and we could have a very different outcome this time around.
I’m just sayin’ is all.
I’m a loser. I thought I was supposed to pick 2.
You can see my conflict.
Yeah, let’s go with AH.
AGHGHGH! I read your post! I love the Loser Comment! I can SOOOO come up with one for ‘NSYNC. It makes me almost want to root against me (‘NSYNC) just so I can give the speech! I’m ready, baby!
Oh, and if someone in moderaaaation has taken ‘NSYNC ahead of me (who could blame them)… I pick ALIAS. Yes, yes, I understand that Freedom of Religion is a little more far-reaching, but what am I gonna do? Talk like I’m from a million different denominations? I’d be all over the place.
BTW, have you seen the commercial where someone is teaching the kids to play tennis? “Show me McEnroe!” I love the girl who throws her shoes on the ground.
Oh… Dismissal Speech? Dismissal Lecture? Loser Sneeze?
Oh, and if you need me to take a picture of my ‘NSYNC bobbleheads, just let me know. I have all five.
Baseball.
‘NSYNC! Hahahahaha, sarahk! Except I’m sure you’re quite serious. And I just might take you up on the bobblehead picture. That would be … let me see if I use this right … so clutch!
Okay. Here’s who and what we have so far:
1) Alexander Hamilton/Dean Stockwell, depending on what Sheila tells me.
2) The Constitution — Cullen
3) ‘NSYNC — sarahk
4) Baseball — Lisa. Woo-hoo, Lisa! You missed the last one, I think!
Let’s go with Hamilton. 🙂
sarahk — You are killing me. Just the thought that you’ve been holding on to ‘NSYNC since the end of England — hahahahaha! And you may be surprised, as I was, to see that NO ONE else tried to snake them from you. Wow. But what a relief, I’m sure! 😉
sheila — done!
Oh, and I think I want to call it “The Boo-bye Speech,” given how fond I am, how big and bobbly-headed I am, about my own invention of the word (phrase?) boo-bye.
So … work on your Boo-bye Speeches, peeps!
Do I get another pick? Because, if so, Bill Hader.
No, Lisa. Sorry. Just one pick!
The Liberty Bell.
(Well? It’s what all the tourists from around the world want to see when they visit Philly.)
The Flag. Old Glory. The Stars and Stripes. The Star Spangled Banner. The Red, White and Blue.
(I thought about being Texas, but decided that might be a little self-absorbed, not to mention arrogant.)
Jazz
I said “opportunity” elsewhere so I’ll just add it here to make it official.
Gene Wilder! Who doesn’t love this guy? I know that there are many things and people that make America awesome but Gene is special. He makes me laugh, I love his face, and he loved his wife.
I posted in the comments above – but I’ll repeat it here for the record: Mark Twain. I’m already smiling about the boo-bye speech.
Denzel Washington. Mmmmm….
And, I like the “Loser” catagory. Nothing breeds the spirit of competition better than “winner” and big-fat-Loser.
Oops…I left it in the wrong spot, too, so I will transfer my sarcastic comment to here, and chose American Idol.
Maybe that should just be Reality TV in general. Which ever, Tracey. You can decide.
It MUST be American Idol, Maggie May!
My choice is Google. I’m glad that you’re doing this again, Tracey!
Brian — Gene Wilder! I love that choice!
NF — Mark Twain. Another goodie!
MM — I agree with sarahk — and let’s not forget she made the inspired choice of Simon Cowell for our English version — it’s gotta be AI.
Kathi — Denzel is completely yummy. Please love me, Denzel.
Sarah — Google, yes! Where would we all be? Brilliant.
I LOVE the Denzel choice!
Whyowhy must I have to choose between Dean Martin and Gene Kelly? TRACEYYYYYYY!!!! DAMMIT!
Who would I rather perform their special talent for me… Dean crooning to me is far hotter than ol’ Gene working up a sweat… still he’s s*ex on legs to watch… Hmm…
Gonna’ have to go with Deano. ‘Cuz I could sit in the haze of a packed club, smoking from a long cigarette holder, drinking my cosmo while a lovesong spotlight caught all the facets of my dripping diamonds and the highlights in my perfectly coifed hair. I wouldn’t even look ruffled that he loved me… *sigh*
And the fact that he’s Italian doesn’t matter — America made him what he is.
…And sheila calls herself a fan… 😉
WG — Beautiful! Dino it is. And Gene Kelly is on my exempt list.
So one day, when he resurrects and hotfoots it to my front door, I will go with him and we will dance the dance of the giant blowing sheets.
Uhm, like in “Singin’ in the Rain,” I forgot to mention.
OK, you’re twisting my arm. How about Paul Bunyan?
Someone pleeeeeeeeease pick Jimmy Stewart!