the “duh” of the casey anthony verdict

Am I the only person in the world who knew Casey Anthony would be found not guilty? If so, is there some kind of prize involved?

The night before the verdict came in, MB and I were talking about the case, making our predictions.

MB said, “The jury is 7 women and 5 men. Those women are gonna find her guilty.”

“Nope,” I said.

“‘Nope’? Why not?”

“The forensic evidence just isn’t there. I think she did it, but the evidence doesn’t prove it. She walks. Not guilty.”

“That sucks. I think you’re wrong.”

“I think I’m right.”

“Guess we’ll see.”

“Yup.”

One thing I’m very familiar with through my time years ago studying court reporting is jury charges. Those are the long, wordy, boring instructions the judge gives the jurors before they begin deliberations. They’re literally just read from a book, most of the time, with case-specific names occasionally inserted. In real time an entire jury charge can take a judge anywhere from, oh, 20 to 40 minutes to read. They’re charge specific, too, meaning an embezzlement case will have one type of “charge”; a murder another. I have huge chunks of these things stored away in my brain mainly because I heard them so many times. It’s like how you have Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana” banging around in your head: overexposure to the mental contaminant. Jury charges are repetitive in nature to make sure people get it, get it, get it. In a way, they’re a bit of an insult to a person of above-average intelligence, but no juror can really argue that the instructions weren’t made abundantly, boringly clear. It’s the ultimate in legal CYA.

And one thing the jury in the Casey Anthony trial would have heard over and over and over would have been the phrase “reasonable doubt.” In explaining reasonable doubt, and I’m quoting from memory here, a jury charge might say:

(Italics mine)

The law presumes the defendant to be innocent of crime. The defendant, although accused, begins the trial with a “clean slate,” meaning with no evidence against him or her. And the law permits only legal evidence presented before the jury to be considered in support of any charge against the accused. So the presumption of innocence alone is sufficient to acquit the defendant, unless the jurors are satisfied beyond a reasonable doubt of the defendant’s guilt after careful and impartial consideration of all the evidence in the case.

It is not required that the state prove guilt beyond all possible doubt. The test is one of reasonable doubt. A reasonable doubt is a doubt based upon reason and common sense; the kind of doubt that would make a reasonable person hesitate to act. Proof beyond a reasonable doubt, therefore, must be proof of such a convincing character that a reasonable person would not hesitate to rely and act upon it.

The jury must remember that a defendant is never to be convicted on mere suspicion or conjecture.

The burden is always on the state to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. This burden never shifts to a defendant, for the law never imposes upon a defendant in a criminal case the burden or duty of calling any witnesses or producing any evidence.

So, if the jury, after careful and impartial consideration of all of the evidence in the case, has a reasonable doubt that the defendant is guilty of the charge, it must acquit. If the jury views the evidence in the case as reasonably permitting either of two conclusions—one of innocence, the other of guilt—the jury should of course adopt the conclusion of innocence.

And, frankly, there you have it. Based on this kind of charge alone, the definition of reasonable doubt, Casey Anthony had to walk because of the utter lack of forensic evidence, and because, if the evidence takes you to two conclusions, you are charged to choose “not guilty.” But, really, that lack of hard forensic evidence alone creates a reasonable doubt. “A doubt for which you can give a reason,” some jury charges say. “Not a fanciful or capricious doubt.” A reasonable doubt.

Do I think she did it? Yeah, I do. I think she’s a despicable person and I have all kinds of emotional doubts about her. I even have a “gut feeling” she’s guilty. I mean, come on. If it was an “accident,” then everyone sure acted like psychos in the aftermath of said “accident.” Call 911 if she fell in the pool accidentally. Don’t wrap her body in a blanket and bags and bury her in the woods. Yes, all the circumstantial evidence is damning — the smelly car, the Internet searches about chloroform, her bizarre behavior while Caley was missing, her pathological lying. My mind and my heart utterly reject any notion that she is innocent. But that’s not what the jury is asked to find. Jurors are not charged to find her innocent; they’re charged to find her guilty or NOT guilty. Not guilty is not the same as innocent. It’s legalese that essentially means the prosecution did not prove its case beyond a reasonable doubt. Not guilty is not necessarily innocent. Sometimes, it is. But in this case, no. I don’t think that’s what the jury is saying. They’re saying, “The lack of forensic evidence linking Casey to the crime gave us reasonable doubt. We were dutybound, legally, to find this verdict.” They jurors themselves may not even like that fact, but that’s their duty. It’s unpleasant, yes. Even horrible if you believe in your heart a murderer goes free.

But that’s reasonable doubt. That’s the standard of proof here.

And all these people going around calling it “the new O.J.”? I’m sorry. That’s just stupid. There’s a huge difference here. There was plenty of DNA evidence linking O.J. to those crimes and the jury came back not guilty in 4 hours?? No. That’s jury misconduct, in my opinion. They couldn’t have even begun to go through all the evidence before them in 4 hours. This jury spent almost triple that amount of time grappling with much lesser evidence.

Do I think it sucks that Casey Anthony walks free?

Yes, I do.

Do I think the jury had any other legal option?

No, I don’t.

I blame that bastard reasonable doubt.

quote

I love this quote and find it comforting whenever I’m tempted to compare myself to Susie So and So.

Each one of us is something that the other is not, and therefore knows something — it may be without knowing he knows it — which no one else knows, and it’s everyone’s business, as one of the kingdom of light and inheritor in it all, to give his portion to the rest.

~ George MacDonald

“diagnosis wenckebach”

So I now do medical editing using voice recognition software and a whole mess of other high tech gizmos and gidgees that I barely understand. Essentially, I’m reminded on a daily basis what a dummypants I am. Still, I get to endure this daily assault on my ego in privacy of my own home, so that’s cool, but I’m basically a doctor now and I don’t make a doctor’s income, which is less cool.

Last week doing research on the job, I found, finally, the cardiac condition I was looking for — something called “Wenckebach.” It’s some kind of block in your heart and it’s pretty no bueno and that’s all you need to know for our purposes here, because the really important thing here is that during this research, I found a YouTube video on this whole Wenckebach dealio made by med students at the University of Alberta as a study aid of sorts. It’s called “Diagnosis Wenckebach” and it’s a spoof of Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back.”

I am seriously in love with all of these med students.

Diagnosis Wenckebach
Ever since we started on this cardiac
I’ve turned into a hypochondriac
I’m all filled up with those sclerotic plaques

Just watch it. You don’t have to understand a thing. It’s a thing a beauty, if you ask me.

“Them other rhythms don’t know how to act.”

I don’t know. I can’t stop laughing.

where’s the rapture?

Hm. Hm. Where’s the breaking news of the disappearance of millions?

MB’s brother lives in Australia — where it is currently, ahem, almost 5 a.m. tomorrow, the 22nd. MB said, “Yeah, I think (brother) would have texted me if there were suddenly a bunch of empty Speedos on Bondi Beach.”

Hmm.

I guess the world lives to debauch another day, eh, Harold?

Honestly, though, this man is doing damage in so many ways. Here’s an example. You know, I’d be okay, Harold, if you were taken to your final destination at 6 p.m. your time today.

Oh, no. Wait. That would rob me of the pleasure of hearing what the hell you have to say for yourself on Monday.

Also: Will you be reimbursing the people who gave their life savings to promote this “guaranteed” rapture? Since you claimed “The Bible guarantees it!” when it, in fact, does not and this was simply one man’s flawed guarantee, I think the least you could do is reimburse those who gave everything to you because of your retarded and duplicitous “guarantee.”

I smite thee in my head, Harold. And all your minions who duped gullible and vulnerable people.

3 days ’til “judgment day”

So this partially mummified old fart, Harold Camping, founder of “Family Radio,” is predicting on his radio show that the rapture of Christians will occur on May 21, 2011 at 6 p.m. your time and the end of the world entirely for all the heathens will be on October 21, 2011 without a specific o’clock stated, sorry, heathens. I know that makes it tough to plan your BBQs.

familyradiosmall.jpg

I’ve seen several of these billboards in SD, one just a couple of blocks away from our place. My favorite part is “The Bible Guarantees It!” I won’t even get into the myriad ways his theology is wrong, partly because it’s so convoluted and partly because I don’t wanna and mostly because I’m lazy, but suffice it to say his theology is wrong in myriad ways. As far as that moment — that, yes, I do believe in — the rapture, the Bible says no one knows the day or the hour. Except (asterisk) Harold Camping. And judgment day and the rapture are not synonymous events, wiener.

You know, if I were God up in my heaven and if I had penciled in the rapture for May 21, 2011, 6 p.m. your time, I’d definitely be erasing that NOW — just to mess with that dessicated old Harold Camping. Can you imagine how insufferable that dude would be in heaven if he’s right? For all eternity, he’d be prancing around and crowing, “Yeah, that rapture thing? I predicted it. I was right. Oh, hey! Did I mention I was right about that rapture thing? Here’s a sticker I made as a reminder. Let me just put it on your shirt there, okay, brother?”

Bear in mind, he previously predicted the rapture would occur on September 6, 1994, and when that didn’t happen, he claimed he’d “miscalculated.” Seventeen years later, now that he’s nearing 90, he’s claimed his calculations are better, more accurate, because as we all know, people’s mind do get sharper with age.

Still, as a favor to you, I did some research to find out what country gets each new day first. Since Camping says the rapture will occur at 6 p.m. your time — more like a progressive dinner than a sudden simultaneous disappearance of millions of people but look at me being all nitpicky — I thought this would be useful information for you to have for Saturday. Now the island nation of Kiribati greets each new day first, but the first “major” country to start the day is New Zealand. (Sorry, Kiribati. Please don’t leave me an offended comment. I’d just never heard of you until researching this, okay?) The US is really one of the last places to start the day, lazy butts, so you have plenty of time to monitor the news this Saturday for a slow and steady and increasingly anticlimactic disappearance of millions, maybe billions, of people around the world.

If you’re hearing of this on Saturday, pippa, do not panic, okay? You have plenty of time to hit your knees and make it right with the Lord before the rapture slowly and irritatingly sweeps your way.

Now, if you do get left behind, ya heathens, according to Camping, there’s no hope for you. You’re doomed. But the upside is you only have those 5 months until the end of the whole world on October 21 anyway, so you may as well enjoy your pre-doom life. Drink too much. Eat too much. Fornicate too much. Kill people too much. Whatever. You’re doomed. So get it all out of your system since you won’t have a system after October 21 out of which to get anything. (Hey, the world may be ending but that’s no reason to end a sentence with a preposition.)

Now, my dad, who is the “Strongly Worded Letter Champion of the World,” wrote to this Camping fellow. A few times. (Ahem, Dad. Thanks for the crankypants. Good Lord, am I my dad’s daughter or what?)

Here are my dad’s questions for Mr. Camping:

1. Do you know how much money is needed each day to keep Family Radio on the air?
2. If so, will you notify your listeners when you have enough money on hand to continue your programming only until 5-21-11?
3. If you do not notify your contributors of such time and accept more contributions than are needed, would this constitute a lack of faith or fraud?
4. Have you given the contractually required lease termination notices to all of your landlords that you plan to vacate the premises on 5-21-11? If not, why not?
5. Have you made plans for the disposition of Family Radio assets after 5-21-11? If so, to whom are you leaving those assets? If you haven’t made plans, does that evidence a lack of faith or a lack or caring?
6. I am a good person, but by your criteria I will be “Left Behind” so will you consider leaving said assets to me? I will use these assets wisely in the carrying out the “Great Commission.”

The first letter went unanswered. So Dad, undaunted, sent a followup letter:

1. If you truly believe May 21 is “Judgment Day” why are you spending precious air time with a program telling people how to lose weight?
2.Will the Rapture take only the physically fit?
3. On “Open Forum” why are you taking any questions other than those pertaining to how to get ready for “Judgment Day?”
4. If we cram in a little bit more Bible knowledge will that get us a better heavenly seat?

Dad is in NO MOOD right now for dumb ass Christians. (Although he would never use that phrase.) Neither am I.

But there you have it, Christians, heathens, et al.

I’ve selflessly given you everything you need to know regarding the progressive dinner/rapture taking place this Saturday, 6 p.m. your time.

Be good little Boy Scouts now.

BE PREPARED.

(You can monitor this all on Family Radio in your area, ‘kay? I’m looking forward to his May 22nd broadcast. I’m dead serious.)

re: my “very hurtful” comments on swimskirts

Dontcha just love those new driveby commenters armed with a pressing need to randomly scold you and announce how offended they are by even the most minor thing you say? I especially love it when they are (or seem to be) Christians. Or I should say, a certain kind of Christian. The perpetual panties-in-a- twist-about-nothing kind of Christian.

First-time commenter “Jessica” was apparently wery wery upset about my opinions on swimskirts. And if you’re gonna pick your hills to die on, swimskirts should be at the top, right? Honestly, if you want to take offense over something minor that isn’t remotely personal to boot, at least make your case articulately and cohesively.

I’m putting this front and center because her driveby comment speaks to that rigid legalistic Christian mindset that I so rail against. This is a pretty good example of that thought process: it’s not coherent; it’s defensive; it’s scolding. And it takes something specific — my dislike of certain “swimskirts” — and turns it into some kind of holistic personal indictment that needs to be answered in kind. It wasn’t at all personal yet she took it personally and then made it personal. Buhzarre. I just don’t understand that mindset, don’t want to, and hope I never do.

While I generally prefer to let any commenters throw themselves under the bus, if they’re so inclined, with a ridiculous driveby like this, I’m willing to give a little shove. So … her comment and my response.

I just want to say that I spend hours every year trying to find a decent swimskirt that is appealing as well… I am 28 and no matter what your opinions may be I do wear a swim skirt it is my belief and I can still look hot doing it! The things you say are very hurtful, how would you like it if you believed in something and someone was constantly bashing it! this was wrong of you, maybe you should take a quick look in the mirror and see if there is anything about yourself you can make fun of, im sure you will find a flaw somewhere!

Comment by Jessica — May 16, 2011 @ 7:33 am

Jessica– Honestly, I don’t care what you wear at the beach. If you want to wear these, fine. But your comment is all over the map. What am I “constantly bashing”? Since this is your first comment, how can you label my post about these swimskirts as an example of my “constantly bashing” anything? And what is it that you “believe in” that people are “constantly bashing”? Modesty swimsuits?? I really hope your belief system encompasses something a little larger and more important than that. If not, you’re trapped in legalism over clothing, which is one of the things that bugs me about certain Christians. And I AM one.

The things I say here are my opinions. That you take such easy offense over the fact that a total stranger doesn’t like swimskirts, well, hon, that’s your issue, sorry to say.

And to say “this was wrong of you”? So it’s wrong of me to have an opinion? Boy, I’m sorry for you, hon. You do sound a bit like someone trapped in a patriarchal and/or legalistic system and that sucks for you, that kind of spiritual prison.

By the way, is this really something that’s personally offensive and/or hurtful to you? My dislike of swimskirts? Come on. You’re 28. Toughen up. The fact that you find this so wrong and hurtful suggests to me that your identity is somehow tied up in this “belief” in swim skirts. Beachwear does not a belief system make. And if it does, it’s a pretty flimsy system. I’m sorry, but I didn’t know you were a Swimskirtarian.

Jessica, you don’t know the context that caused me to write this post or the rigid legalistic church environments I’ve encountered lately that have made me wary of anything that smacks of the same, but, interestingly enough, you’re more than willing to jump in — outside of that larger context — and play the “I’m offended” card.

(And did you miss my comment above where I conceded that there was one swimskirt that I might actually wear?)

Good luck as we approach swimskirt season, Jessica.

And since my opinion as a total stranger seems to matter to you: I’m sure you’re hot, okay?

But, you know, I will do as you suggest and take a quick look in the mirror. One thing I know I won’t see, however, is a swim skirt.

Crackie can’t wear the swimskirt, you see, because her crankypants are too tight.

Sighhh.

“rolling in the deep”~ adele

Holy crap. She’s fabulous. A powerhouse.

Right now, I’m obsessed with this song — and this video. I love every image in it. Especially the dancer, looking like an otherworldly Mongol warrior swirling in the snow. When you first see him (her? I love that you can’t really tell) about 5 seconds in, so still, so dark, it’s so frightening that it’s thrilling. Don’t underestimate the things that I will do. Then the water begins to pound and the warrior begins to move, slowly through the white, and you know this woman whose heart has been ransacked is on the brink of her revenge. And you can’t wait. You can’t look away. I love the story behind every image, but an implied story, a story you write yourself. My story of it may be very different from yours and that’s the beauty here. Maybe that’s one of the benefits of being a nonlinear thinker in a linear world: things like this make total sense to me. I’ve watched it repeatedly now, playing a little game with myself and pausing at 3-second intervals, 5-second intervals, and there’s not a wasted shot in this entire thing.

Every freeze frame is a perfect shot. Something I’d frame on my wall.

I talked to someone about this video who said, “Well, she just sits there.” “Just sits there”? Oh, no, she doesn’t, peaches. (I hate those kinds of conversations, really. Some people just do not get it. They don’t have the sensitivity to see anything past the surfaces of life and I can barely keep from punching them.) She actually acts the snot outta this song, above and beyond the crackle and soar of that voice. But, really, it’s her stillness at certain moments that is the most ominous thing to me about it. Her stillness at the beginning which comes full circle to her stillness at the end. Grief, but resolve too. A kind of steel is settling in her heart. This is a woman you should not have messed with. Watch the curl of her lip on baby, I’ve got no story to be told. Look at her dismissive wave of her fingers on reap just what you sow and the sigh — the broken sigh — that comes the very next second. Oh, no. She is not just sitting there.

Far from it.

The one who broke her heart should be very afraid.