Dontcha just love those new driveby commenters armed with a pressing need to randomly scold you and announce how offended they are by even the most minor thing you say? I especially love it when they are (or seem to be) Christians. Or I should say, a certain kind of Christian. The perpetual panties-in-a- twist-about-nothing kind of Christian.
First-time commenter “Jessica” was apparently wery wery upset about my opinions on swimskirts. And if you’re gonna pick your hills to die on, swimskirts should be at the top, right? Honestly, if you want to take offense over something minor that isn’t remotely personal to boot, at least make your case articulately and cohesively.
I’m putting this front and center because her driveby comment speaks to that rigid legalistic Christian mindset that I so rail against. This is a pretty good example of that thought process: it’s not coherent; it’s defensive; it’s scolding. And it takes something specific — my dislike of certain “swimskirts” — and turns it into some kind of holistic personal indictment that needs to be answered in kind. It wasn’t at all personal yet she took it personally and then made it personal. Buhzarre. I just don’t understand that mindset, don’t want to, and hope I never do.
While I generally prefer to let any commenters throw themselves under the bus, if they’re so inclined, with a ridiculous driveby like this, I’m willing to give a little shove. So … her comment and my response.
I just want to say that I spend hours every year trying to find a decent swimskirt that is appealing as well… I am 28 and no matter what your opinions may be I do wear a swim skirt it is my belief and I can still look hot doing it! The things you say are very hurtful, how would you like it if you believed in something and someone was constantly bashing it! this was wrong of you, maybe you should take a quick look in the mirror and see if there is anything about yourself you can make fun of, im sure you will find a flaw somewhere!
Comment by Jessica — May 16, 2011 @ 7:33 am
Jessica– Honestly, I don’t care what you wear at the beach. If you want to wear these, fine. But your comment is all over the map. What am I “constantly bashing� Since this is your first comment, how can you label my post about these swimskirts as an example of my “constantly bashing†anything? And what is it that you “believe in†that people are “constantly bashing� Modesty swimsuits?? I really hope your belief system encompasses something a little larger and more important than that. If not, you’re trapped in legalism over clothing, which is one of the things that bugs me about certain Christians. And I AM one.
The things I say here are my opinions. That you take such easy offense over the fact that a total stranger doesn’t like swimskirts, well, hon, that’s your issue, sorry to say.
And to say “this was wrong of you� So it’s wrong of me to have an opinion? Boy, I’m sorry for you, hon. You do sound a bit like someone trapped in a patriarchal and/or legalistic system and that sucks for you, that kind of spiritual prison.
By the way, is this really something that’s personally offensive and/or hurtful to you? My dislike of swimskirts? Come on. You’re 28. Toughen up. The fact that you find this so wrong and hurtful suggests to me that your identity is somehow tied up in this “belief” in swim skirts. Beachwear does not a belief system make. And if it does, it’s a pretty flimsy system. I’m sorry, but I didn’t know you were a Swimskirtarian.
Jessica, you don’t know the context that caused me to write this post or the rigid legalistic church environments I’ve encountered lately that have made me wary of anything that smacks of the same, but, interestingly enough, you’re more than willing to jump in — outside of that larger context — and play the “I’m offended†card.
(And did you miss my comment above where I conceded that there was one swimskirt that I might actually wear?)
Good luck as we approach swimskirt season, Jessica.
And since my opinion as a total stranger seems to matter to you: I’m sure you’re hot, okay?
But, you know, I will do as you suggest and take a quick look in the mirror. One thing I know I won’t see, however, is a swim skirt.
Crackie can’t wear the swimskirt, you see, because her crankypants are too tight.
Sighhh.
Wow, how did I miss the swimskirt post the first time around!?
With an opening rant like that, she’s never going to win you over to the swimburq- I mean, swimskirt side of things.
What I really want to know is, will there be swimskirts in Heaven? Huh, Tracey? Maybe they cover our floppy things.
Well, first of all, people with little-to-no command of grammar and punctuation bug the heck out of me.
Second, I just don’t get the “rant” mentality. Here, Jessica, let me rephrase for you:
“Tracey, interesting that you should write a post on swimskirts. I actually own and wear a similar style. It’s hard work to find beachwear that is both attractive and modest; while swimskirts initially seemed strange, I’ve come to find that they really work for me. I’m certain that you didn’t mean to offend anyone, and obviously you’re entitled to your opinions, but I was hurt when I read your harsh criticisms. Thanks for taking time to read this – have a great summer, and enjoy that 19th century style! 🙂 Regards, Jessica.”
See, it’s just not that hard to express one’s feelings – even an opposing stance – in a polite and respectful fashion. (And gee, that seems to be just the sort of thing that Christians should be doing…) Alas…
I don’t know what it was about this post, but somewhere between “Swimskirtarian” and “Good luck as we approach swimskirt season, Jessica.” I was laughing so hard I was in tears. I never would have guessed that swimskirts were such a hot button topic.
Hmm… welll… you were a little mocking in the post BUT I think you were also receptive and kind when I commented with a different opinion. I like you.
And I think it telling that “Jessica” commented on a post ohhh about six months old? I suppose some people searching “swimwear modest” or something would come across that post, but regular readers have moved on to stuff within the last month or so. That is the reality of blogs and I hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings.
This is why bloggers sometimes put up those “best of” posts on the sidebar; so the timeless posts with the most reaction don’t get lost. If you start a sidebar, the post you did on the modesty survey has GOT to have a place. It was a great post. I mean a GREAT post.
I loathe this “YOU HAVE AN OPINION THAT IS DIFFERENT FROM MINE I MUST LET YOU KNOW IMMEDIATELY SO THAT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR OPINION TO THAT OF MINE SO THAT MY FEELINGS WILL NEVER BE HURT AGAIN” attitude that permeates the internet.
Look, there are a lot of things out there, in the world, that I don’t like, but you maybe like. For example, Sheila loves James Joyce. I do not. I do not understand him, and frankly I don’t want to. But SHE does, and therefore I just ignore her blog around Bloomsday. I don’t firebomb her blog comments with “Omg, I hate this time of year, why do you always talk about Joyce blah blah blah.” I just wait until it’s over and we can talk about St. Elmo’s Fire or Vincent D’Onfrio or Glee or any of the other things we BOTH like.
I mean, it’s getting to where you can’t have ANY opinions about ANYTHING anymore. If you write a blog post about a really cool pair of high heels that you like, you’re going to get a LEAST one comment on the lines of “I can’t wear heels, and I would CERTAINLY never spend that much money on SHOES.” Well, good for you, Judgy McSnotpants! Here’s an idea: DON’T.
Why can’t people just be nice? If you agree with a blogger (or whatever), make a nice comment like, “I like those shoes. I also like shoes. Wheee, shoes!” but if you don’t, then STFU.
The whole world needs a huge does of STFU.
Kate P — Hahahahaha! Swimskirts all around for all our floppy bits. That’s a great idea. I’m sure Jesus is on it.
Katie — That would have been a better way to say it. Although, honestly, I don’t think my criticisms were THAT harsh to warrant “Jessica” having such an “offended” response. Is it because it’s something people wear that she took it so personally? I mean, if I’d said, “I really don’t like beets” would beet lovers come out of the woodwork RAILING at my “very hurtful” indictment of beets? I’m serious here. Is it because these are worn on the body that it’s so personal to this person? Because if it’s on your body, it’s an extension of you and so a criticism of it is a criticism of you?
I don’t get it.
Kristina — It was her comment that this was basically a belief system that sent me over the edge. Wha??
HEM — Thanks. I did mock, a little bit, yes, but I also conceded there was one skirt with leggings attached that sorta made sense to me. Here’s my thing: I don’t object to them, per se. I guess what I object to is …. well, what is it? Okay. It’s the subtle or not-so-subtle pressure that lurks behind the perceived need for these kinds of things. Does that make sense? If a woman wants to wear them because she really prefers them, for whatever reasons, then fine. If she’s wearing them because there’s pressure on her NOT to wear anything else, then that’s oppressive to me. I’m not a fan of anyone hanging out all over the place at the beach, but I’m also not a fan of swimskirts being a part of anyone’s belief system.
“Jessica” referenced “beliefs” twice, so that leads me to believe someone has told her that these are a required accessory of whatever her belief system is. That’s legalism to me.
Lisa — Hahahahahaha! I’m dying over here. (You were in moderation, btw.) “I ignore her blog around Bloomsday.” And Sheila would have no problem with that, I think I can safely say. (If she shows up here, she can either verify or not.)
But, you’re right. Why is evvvvvverything so personal to everyone anymore? If I’d written a post that said, “I saw that 28-year-old Jessica whose email is godcatcher blah blah at the beach the other day and she does NOT look hot in her swimskirt,” then, okay, she might have had a personal beef with me.
Otherwise, please calm your wild ass down, mkay?
Well, this is sort of funny, since I’ve been known to go swimming in my birthday suit from time to time, but I actually have a swim dress. Mom got it for me, thinking it was a regular sun-dress. I liked it though– told her it might be great for this summer, when I’m going to have a much larger midsection than I might normally want to show in public (And I’ll probably be desperate to cool off.)
Mom wanted to know why I didn’t just wear a bikini, like Princess Di did when she was expecting.
“Because I’m not a Eurotrash whoo-ah, Mom.”
(Well, I didn’t say that– but that’s what I was thinking.)
As for Miss Swims-With-A-Burqua, there,
well, a Stephen Fry quote comes to mind:
“It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that,’ as if that gives them certain rights. It’s no more than a whine. It has no meaning, it has no purpose, it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I’m offended by that.’ Well, so f***ing what?”
(opinions expressed by this commenter are the responsibility of this commenter– not tracey or palepage.com)
I love it when rampant overflowing emotion is met with logic. Well done.
Also, here’s my deal: Yes, you mocked. So?
You’re not allowed to mock here? You’re supposed to be one of those happy-faced people constantly? Says who?
Things I love are mocked every day by the culture at large. I am also (inadvertently) mocked – by the ENTIRE CULTURE. My age/my marital status/my lifestyle – I don’t fit in – every ad is geared towards someone other than me – my lifestyle doesn’t fit in – and I’m not even a rebel. But I do believe in a life of the mind, and I do believe that some things are BETTER than others, and that belief is mocked every day everywhere by the entire anti-intellectual culture, a culture that has a giant CHIP on its shoulder about people like me.
You know what I do?
I keep having my opinion and I keep speaking my mind. Until police show up at my door and take me away for writing about James Joyce – then I’m good.
I honestly DO. NOT. CARE. if some random individual on the Internet “mocks” something that I love. I’m not head of the curriculum at your precious kids’ school. Read what you want to read. Have at it.
This is a completely alien mindset to me.
Also – Jessica: “constantly bashing”? She’s obviously not talking about you – I read your site all the time, and I haven’t noticed a spate of “swimskirt bashing posts”. she seems to feel adrift in a secular culture, and sure, I sympathize – but she needs to learn to express herself better.
Lisa – the fact that you first found my site by googling something about St. Elmo’s Fire tells me you are a kindred spirit 4eva!
roo — /“Because I’m not a Eurotrash whoo-ah, Mom.â€/
Hahahahahahaha! You kill me, roo. What a great Stephen Fry quote too. “As if it gives them certain rights.” Yes! It’s the entitlement here that’s such a piss off. “Jessica” feels entitled to some right to never be offended. And if she IS offended, then I must somehow modify MY behavior that made her offended. I must STOP my hideous vitriol against swimskirts because it offends HER.
Eye roll.
sheila — Well said. (Maybe I need to start a spate of swimskirt bashing posts.)
Oh, and Kristina — Yes. Who knew that swimskirts were so explosive a topic? Yet another thing not to talk about at dinner parties, I guess.
Tracey, I think sometimes when I look at how cleavage and hineys are hanging out all over the place that a little “legalism” is a good thing. I would like to think that when I express my opinion that really, we shouldn’t expose too much more to the public gaze than what would be covered under a short-sleeve shirt and shorts, that I am not *nasty* about it or somehow blame women for men getting all lust-y. Not to say some ladies wouldn’t enjoy getting a guy all lust-y by the way they dress… but… you know what I mean. Being nasty is uncalled for no matter the substance of the opinion expressed. And while I disagree with some of the elements in your modesty survey post, I have shared it with friends and think it an EXCELLENT rebuttal to some of the more extreme “modesty” folks. It isn’t really about modesty (as you pointed out) past a certain point… when you are hyperfocused on the pantylines and forget the person. 🙂
This week I’ve been overly consumed with the live-feed coverage of the Casey Anthony trial. Sometime today I was plagued by a case of “I-wonder-what-it-would-take-to-become-a-court-reporter” so I consulted Google. Out of the all results displayed on the first page, your blog jumped out at me immediately. (Incidentally, your two pages were the ONLY pages I needed to read on stenography; I’m cured! Can’t thank you enough!) I found you to be utterly hilarious so I decided to click around to see what other musings might interest me here. I was immediately drawn to the post about Adele since I, too, am obsessed with that video. All of her music, really. But I was curious about the swimskirts thing, and just had to click! I have never followed anyone’s blog before, but I am pledging my devotion to your blog today! 🙂 You had me at “Skirtatarian”. Even some of your readers’ replies were funny. I’m not sure how often you post, but until I’ve read everything in the archives I know what I’ll be doing every day at 4:00 now that Oprah’s gone! (o:
Melody — Well, hi! (You went into moderation because those were your first comments.) And I have to say, uhm, AMAZING first comments. Thank you. I’m feeling all stuttery and speechless because you’ve just made my day.
I’m just …… wow. Thank you so much. And welcome to our little community here! I love my readers. They’re friends to me and each other and our discussions run the gamut around here, from silly to serious to many points in between.
If I could suggest a starting point for reading the blog, I’d say maybe go to the “favorite tales” category in the sidebar. I’ve blogged since 2004, so that’s a LOT of readin’! The “drama camp” category is also one that I rather like. Obviously, feel free to peruse whatever strikes your fancy, but checking out those categories might be a good place to start since, well, the blog is little bit of everything — and nothing in particular, too. 😉
Oh, and the “About” link at the top of the sidebar will give you more info as well.