beyond the pale

Chargers 23, Indianapolis 21. Crazy, crazy game.

This one is especially gratifying to me.

A-woo and A-hoo.

Sometime last night ….

ME: (speaking with mouth full) Do yuh wansum mangush slyshes?

What I really meant was:

Do yuh wansum mangush slyshes NOW? Becaush if you don’, there won’ be any leffor you tmorru.

HE: (speaking in a civilized way. Wiener.) No, thank you, not right now.

Guess he didn’t perceive the danger he was in. The imminent danger of not getting any mangoes. The danger of coming home to an empty bag with just a whiff of mangoes. They’ll be plenty of mangoes for me tomorrow when I want them, he blithely thought. Wiener.

Well, guess what? There ain’t. There ain’t ANY MORE MANGOES. I et the whole durned bag. I finished them just now and I expect to be overly-regular overly-soon.

But on the upside, I received 360% of my RDA of Vitamin A, all in only 540 calories and 126g of carbs.

Don’t you know, Wiener, that your job is to save me from myself??

….. Stocking Stuffers!!

Sheila posted some of her favorite product recommendations the other day and through the comments section there, I realized that a product I’d always loved but thought went away is still around!! And, by the looks of the website, even better than ever!!

O, happy day!!

From Bath and Body Works ….. their whole line of Antibacterial Moisturizing Lotions. A 2-ounce tube is $4, BUT they offer a deal if you buy 3 — 3 for $10!! Awesome. No, really. You will love these. Hand sanitizers can make your hands feel puckered and tight, like you just soaked them in bleach, so I always loved that these will clean AND soften your hands. AND make them smell yummy.

For all your girlie, OCD, germaphobic needs!

I think for my three I choose ….

Freshwater Cucumber, because I have this in a light body splash and it is just SO fresh. You smell like a brand new day that’s crisp and pretty and saucy. I love it.

Here’s Pink Grapefruit, which sounds scrumptious to me. Because of my acidic nature. And because I’m addicted to the scent of this grapefruit candle from Williams Sonoma that I have in my kitchen and I want to rub it all over my body but I don’t want to be waxy. So this is the perfect solution.

Brown Sugar and Fig …. haven’t smelled this one yet, but it sounds warm and delicious and I want to eat it.

Other luscious-sounding scents:

Midnight Pomegranate
Japanese Cherry Blossom
Warm Vanilla Sugar

Go check ’em out. Tell me which ones you want.

Perfect in a stocking.

THANK you, Tracey Claus!

MB always has these epic, sweeping dreams that he remembers in acute detail. Oh, and then shares with me when I am barely awake and grumpy. So there’s that. Plus, I don’t remember any of mine, unless they’re deeply shattering in some way best forgotten. So, okay, maybe I’m jealous. Because of all that, the recounting of his epic dreams is now a joke between us. “So I had this amazing dream last night!” “Sighhhhhh, grrrrroan, oh, nooo, here we go, how can I go on, it burrrrns, etc.”

This happened the other day. That same exchange. Poor man. He is abused. There was brief silence after my anguished, dramatic mooings, then he said:

“That’s IT! From now on, I’m gonna password protect my dreams!!”

So, uhm, if he gives some of you the password, you’ll give it to me, right?

Right??

The last — uhm, hopefully — installment of the password-protected post, sometime this week!

Aren’t you all a’twitter?

This is SO embarrassing. But you know how people will write about a book and then, where the title of the book is, they put a link to the book at Amazon? Uhm, yeah. I don’t know how to do that. I thought you just copied and pasted the number in your link thingie, but that hasn’t worked for me. So do you type the whole damn number into your link window and then, voila, an hour later, your link is done?? Any assistance is appreciated.

I am not smart.

Please don’t shun me.

Waiting …. waiting …. for that door to open …

Dear Jesus ……..

…. thank you for little leather laces ….

Also ……

…. may I mention, the loveliness of the delicate buckle? You’ve seen these, God, I’m sure.

And let us not forget …..

….. the flirty flounce of a silky ribbon.

Sorry I mentioned flirting, God.

Oh, then there’s ……

….. the sturdy stomp of a kick-butt boot. Which I wouldn’t do, God. Kick butt, I mean. You know me.

Well.

Hm.

This is awkward.

Quick, God! Think happy thoughts! Look at this!

Happy, happy!

You know what, God?

I once saw a woman wearing shoes just like these. She sashayed down the sidewalk, all brazen in her curvy Rococo heels. And then she tripped. Did you do that, God?

Good thing I’m not cheeky like that. Right?

But I want to remember to thank you, Lord, for ….

….. this gorgeous stamped cordova leather. So eye-catching. Not that I’m trying to catch any eyes, God. I mean, any eyes but your all-seeing omnipresent ones. Which could clearly see me not ever wearing these in red. Not ever. Rest assured, Lord. Well, don’t rest, because what if I want to talk to you? And if you’re not assured, then I can’t help you. So just scratch that whole thing. I didn’t say that.

In closing, Lord, thank you for shoes ……

….. and cows.

Amen.

All shoes from fluevog.com. affordably priced from 215-$269. Hahahahahaha. In order, they are:

Merci
Illeana
Lucille
Baby Ruth
Lady Ophelia
Scarlett (both colors)