Dude proposes to his girlfriend center court at a Houston Rockets game. It does not ….. go well.
And the whole scene ends just like one in The Winter’s Tale …… exit, comforted by a giant gray bear.
That image is killing me.
christopher hitchens
I love him so much. I really do. I disagree with him on issues of faith, but I respect the hell out of him. His thought processes. His writing. His honesty here.
Plus, to be the giggly school girl for a second, I just love the sound of his voice. It leaves me a little twitterpated. I could listen to him for hours.
A really great interview. (Despite the distraction of Anderson Cooper’s shiny smoothness.)
“I have now succumbed to something so predictable and banal that it bores even me. Rage would be beside the point for the same reason.”
You have to respect his power of thought. You just have to.
I wish him all the best. I don’t want him to go.
snippets
“You’re accusing me of all kinds of MADNESS!!”
“I know who I’m talking to!!”
*****
“‘Low flow toilets for your low flow life.’ That could be the ad. Stupid things.”
*****
“You know, I don’t wanna feel like I need to give my toilet the Heimlich maneuver.”
*****
“Instead of beeping out profanity in songs, the singer could just do a raspberry himself. That would be so much more fun.”
“So you think Eminem’s songs should just go “pfffft pfffftypffft pfffffft pffft pfffypfft “?
“Yes.”
*****
Calling the birthday boy’s cellphone:
“Hello?”
pause …. laughter in the background ….
“Hello.”
“What’s with the weird pause?”
“Well, I thought you were gonna talk in a weird Swedish voice or something, Aunt Tracey.”
“WHAT??? That is SO insane.”
“I KNOW. I can’t believe I thought that.”
“Me either. Weirdo.”
******
“So about these chicks who follow you around at school …”
“Yeah?”
“Do you need a bodyguard or something?”
“Hm. I’ll let you know, Tee Tee.”
“No! Not me! Uncle Beloved.”
“Oh.”
“I’d be no good.”
“True.”
“I’m little.”
“Yeah.”
“And weak.”
“That too.”
“Plus, all I’d be doing is saying, ‘Ooooh, come over here, girls. Isn’t he SO cute?? He’s just SO CUTE!! Don’t you want to date him??'”
laughing …
“Yeah. Kinda the opposite of a bodyguard, Tee Tee.”
“Exactly. So you really have no interest in that?”
“No.”
“I’m hurt.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hm. ‘Member when you used to love me?”
“I still love you, Tee Tee.”
“Okay. I love you too. Sorry you’re old now.”
“Thanks.”
overheard quote of the day
A woman in a restaurant, speaking with a broad Texas twang.
“My family is all over Texas. My brothers’ ex-wives have taken over whole towns with their bitterness.”
fun brain games
I just found this new site. Sign up for a free account to access the brain games. S’fun! S’addicting!
Click on “games” and then pick the kind of game you’d like to play. I’m currently slitting my wrists over the Face Memory Workout. Seems like it will be easy and then you need to kill yourself.
So have FUN slitting your wrists with me, pippa!
stupid stuff people say
So my BIL has this website up for family and friends to update people on his cancer situation. People can comment and they do. Most say wonderful, warm, smushy things.
Others say totally retarded things like this:
just hang in there and things will get better as they always do,sometime we hit a few bumps in the road but it will be a happy ending
Uhm, distant cousin dude whom my BIL has never met? Yeah. Shut up. He has stage III oral cancer. It’s no bueno. Things ALWAYS get better? I want to live in your world, peaches. In my world, aka reality, they don’t always get getter. Seriously, shut up, Slappy.
Or this, from a close relative — not on MY side of the family. We’re a little more articulate than this:
This is your redneck voice saying tubes in my nose HURT!! I’ve beat up on people that tried to hurt me HALF that bad, and yet you’re gonna hafta PAY them to do you that ‘DISCOMFORT!!!’ LIFE AIN’T FAIR!!!
But we knew that.
If I have to muck out stalls in the horse barn for 4 hours, or 2 days, as long as there is an end in sight, I can do it. I can’t stand in horse-poop up to my waist forever, but as long as I know there’s an END IN SIGHT I can do it for 2 measley days!!! And so can you!!!! AND THEN IT’S OVER!!! Same with the feeding tube.
My BIL went through nightmare after nightmare with his feeding tube post surgery. His oral cavity and throat were so inflamed, they couldn’t get a tube down. He had a tumor removed from his tongue, for God’s sake! When they finally did get a tube down, the process was agony. Literal agony. Then it got coiled on the way down, so they pulled it out which was reverse agony. They tried this repeatedly. The poor man was beside himself. He finally decided not to have a tube and didn’t get nutrition for, oh, 5 days. He was being hydrated, but not fed.
How that is like mucking out horse crap in a stall, I do not know. Call me stupid, but I cannot make that analogy work for me.
The other day I told my sister — who is calling me every day with updates anyway — that I wouldn’t be commenting on the update site because I just couldn’t hang with those people.
She said, “Are you talking about the horse crap comment?”
“Well, that, and a few other wanker comments.”
“Yeah. I know. People don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I get that, but don’t equate cancer with horse crap! People HAVE to know not to do that! My God!”
“Hahahaha. You’re all worked up.”
“It’s not HORSE CRAP!”
“Horse crap would be way better.”
“Way better.”
“People are stupid.”
“So stupid.”
“Someone else keeps leaving me links to inspirational music videos.”
“I saw that. Have you watched them?”
“No! I don’t have time for that. Gimme a break.”
“I’ll watch them and re-enact them for you when I see you next.”
“Okay. Good.”
“People are stupid.”
“So stupid.”
Yeah. I’m now on Day Three of “Oh, Lawd in heaven, please keep me from going on that site and opening up a can of whup ass!”
So far, it’s working, but who knows how long my resolve will hold?
As I’ve said here before: I am occasionally somewhat unmoderated in my behavior.
We’ll see.
movie talk or something
MB and I were out at my parents’ on Sunday, checking on Piper, giving them an in-person update about their son-in-law’s surgery and progress. We’d just gotten home from my sister’s a few hours earlier and MB kept insisting, “You need to sleep. You need to sleep,” but it wasn’t gonna happen. I knew it. I was entering that weird energy phase that happens when you’re beyond exhaustion and morphing into a manic freak. I make dubious decisions in this state of mind. Oh, for instance, “Let’s go out to my parents’!” MB just rolled his eyes and shook his head and drove the car. Piper was ecstatic to see us and basically threw her uncle into the pool with her which meant I could talk privately with mom and dad. I walked them through everything with their son-in-law and they were impassive, which is how they typically respond to anything emotional. It’s frustrating. There are key areas — key areas — where I am not like them in any way, shape, or form, where there is a complete disconnect between us.
So when the conversation got too intense, Dad quickly changed the subject to his Netflix queue and the movies they’ve seen.
Uhm, okay. Let’s talk about that. This will be almost as frustrating as trying to talk to you about your son-in-law’s cancer, but, okay, let’s talk about your movies.
Mom began.
“I don’t understand why some of these movies are considered classics. I hate them.”
“Really? Well, okay. It’s personal taste, that’s for sure.”
“Well, like Breakfast at Tiffany’s. What a bore. There was no plot.”
“Mm-hmm.”
Dad joined in.
“And I didn’t like Audrey Hepburn in that.”
“Okay.”
Mom again.
“Yeah. She was totally vapid. All she did was smoke and have parties.”
(Translation: Her fictional character is clearly going to hell.)
“Hmm,” I said, deciding making noncommittal noises would be best in this situation.
They switched movies. Dad spoke.
“Then we watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.”
Oooh. Screenplay by my boyfriend William Goldman.
“Another movie with NO PLOT,” my mom said in disgust.
Ohh, no. Don’t say it. Don’t do it. Do NOT say, “Uh, William Goldman won an Academy Award for that script.” Just don’t say it, okay, dummy?
I didn’t, but it was killing me. Killing me.
“I didn’t like Robert Redford,” one of them said.
“I thought that song was stupid,” the other one said.
“I did like Paul Newman,” one of them said.
“But I didn’t like the ending,” the other one said.
“We just got Blazing Saddles in the mail. Do you think we’ll like that?” Dad asked.
I looked at them both.
“No,” I said and changed the subject back to cancer.
Because it was actually less annoying.
Curse you and your ease, Netflix!
hahahahaha
/Been practicing The Spanish Lady on my tin whistle today. I could actually recognize it just now! Not saying it was good, just recognizable./
Actual tweet from actual homeschooled 20-something. I kid you not, pippa.
Okay. Did I not mention an uncomfy link between some home schoolers and certain whistle-y instruments here?
I don’t want to get in trouble again. Just sayin’ is all.
back
I’m back from 5 days up at my sister’s for my BIL’s cancer surgery.
I am exhausted to my core. Don’t even know where to begin. I slept without sleeping in a pull-out chair in the hospital last night so my sister could finally get some actual sleep. We have been by his bedside nonstop — literally — since Friday morning.
I briefly saw Piper today — she’s staying with my parents — and at one point, she looked at me funny and said, “Tee Tee, why do you keep repeating things? You just said that.”
“Oh, I did?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, hmm … Tee Tee needs some sleep, sweetie.”
She snuggled up close to me. “Oh! You should get some, Tee Tee.”
You’re right.
Can I just fall asleep on top of you, kid?
Do you mind?
okay, who’s gonna try this for me?
Uhm, really? Is this the goal of working out?
I would like some “raging energy,” please. I guess I’m doing it wrong, the working out thing. I mean, who am I? Mel Gibson??
“If you have reached a plateau with your current pre-workout formula and are looking for something to take your progress & workout intensity to a level you have never experienced before we dare you to uncage your inner rage with HEMO−RAGE Black.”
Hm. My “current pre-workout formula” is called “sitting around.” I sit around, then — SUDDENLY — I get up and work out. That’s my very involved formula.
Will someone please buy some Hemo-Rage and tell me how it goes, okay? With the blood rage and all.
I’d have MB do it, but he’s been uncaging his inner rage a little too well after the “Maybe Church” debacle. Do they have a “recage your inner rage” formula, I wonder? Hemo-Calm or something?
That would be best, I think.