So my BIL has this website up for family and friends to update people on his cancer situation. People can comment and they do. Most say wonderful, warm, smushy things.
Others say totally retarded things like this:
just hang in there and things will get better as they always do,sometime we hit a few bumps in the road but it will be a happy ending
Uhm, distant cousin dude whom my BIL has never met? Yeah. Shut up. He has stage III oral cancer. It’s no bueno. Things ALWAYS get better? I want to live in your world, peaches. In my world, aka reality, they don’t always get getter. Seriously, shut up, Slappy.
Or this, from a close relative — not on MY side of the family. We’re a little more articulate than this:
This is your redneck voice saying tubes in my nose HURT!! I’ve beat up on people that tried to hurt me HALF that bad, and yet you’re gonna hafta PAY them to do you that ‘DISCOMFORT!!!’ LIFE AIN’T FAIR!!!
But we knew that.
If I have to muck out stalls in the horse barn for 4 hours, or 2 days, as long as there is an end in sight, I can do it. I can’t stand in horse-poop up to my waist forever, but as long as I know there’s an END IN SIGHT I can do it for 2 measley days!!! And so can you!!!! AND THEN IT’S OVER!!! Same with the feeding tube.
My BIL went through nightmare after nightmare with his feeding tube post surgery. His oral cavity and throat were so inflamed, they couldn’t get a tube down. He had a tumor removed from his tongue, for God’s sake! When they finally did get a tube down, the process was agony. Literal agony. Then it got coiled on the way down, so they pulled it out which was reverse agony. They tried this repeatedly. The poor man was beside himself. He finally decided not to have a tube and didn’t get nutrition for, oh, 5 days. He was being hydrated, but not fed.
How that is like mucking out horse crap in a stall, I do not know. Call me stupid, but I cannot make that analogy work for me.
The other day I told my sister — who is calling me every day with updates anyway — that I wouldn’t be commenting on the update site because I just couldn’t hang with those people.
She said, “Are you talking about the horse crap comment?”
“Well, that, and a few other wanker comments.”
“Yeah. I know. People don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I get that, but don’t equate cancer with horse crap! People HAVE to know not to do that! My God!”
“Hahahaha. You’re all worked up.”
“It’s not HORSE CRAP!”
“Horse crap would be way better.”
“Way better.”
“People are stupid.”
“So stupid.”
“Someone else keeps leaving me links to inspirational music videos.”
“I saw that. Have you watched them?”
“No! I don’t have time for that. Gimme a break.”
“I’ll watch them and re-enact them for you when I see you next.”
“Okay. Good.”
“People are stupid.”
“So stupid.”
Yeah. I’m now on Day Three of “Oh, Lawd in heaven, please keep me from going on that site and opening up a can of whup ass!”
So far, it’s working, but who knows how long my resolve will hold?
As I’ve said here before: I am occasionally somewhat unmoderated in my behavior.
We’ll see.
When my mother had stomach cancer at the relatively young age of 50, I remember them forcing a feeding tube down her throat a few weeks after surgery when scar tissue closed the path between her throat and the small passage which used to be a stomach to the duodenum. I and my family could hear her gagging and screaming in pain (as much as you can scream with a tube going down your throat, but, trust me it IS very audible.). The doctor assured us that what we heard was completely subconscious and the drugs had an memory loss side affect that she wouldn’t remember the event.
I cannot imagine that event taking place on a conscious patient!
NOTES TO ANYONE TRYING TO SHOW EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY DURING A STRESSFUL SITUATION:
1) Do not EVER say I know how you’re feeling if you are not absolutely sure you DO know how you’re feeling. You losing your great aunt last month is not like me losing my 55 year old mother, this month.
2) You’re relationship with the immediate or extended family gives you no insight to the relationships with your friend’s family, BIL might be as close as a brother or as distant as a second cousin. (Then again, some second cousins are very close).
3) MOSTLY IMPORTANTLY, if you don’t no the situation or having nothing to say: keep your mouth shut or just say “I’m praying for y’all”… AND THEN do it! I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t prayed for tracey’s BIL because job stresses and home issues (I’ve been gone M-F on business for the last 10 weeks) have made me forget my prayer responsibilities…
I’m praying now.
alls i can say is that your sister is very gracious. and generous. you weren’t hiding behind the door when god was handing out the “g” category personality traits were you ? my attempt at smart alec humor….take it easy on me. as you know….when our granddaughter passed we heard all sorts of lame comments from “well wishers” and they still make me want to throw up.
I guess people try to show their empathy by showing they have some idea about the suck or only know some lame platitudes. I don’t know. People are stupid.
So stupid.
LOL!
Would this be a great time to tell you God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle? OH! And that all you’re going through is part of some greater “plan” that only God gets? And isn’t that comforting? Yayyyy.
How ’bout, “I am so, so sorry you are going through this and I’m praying for you. You might want me to stop because dang, it hasn’t done you a lot of good so far.”
🙂
People are idiots.
They feel compelled to express their sorrow in the worst possible way, so that’s how they do it. Bless your family for hanging tough when it happens.
cindy — I still cannot believe your family is going through that. It’s unfathomable to me. I’m just so sorry.
Cullen — I know. People don’t know what to do. I mean, I don’t know what to do. But I DO know not to tell them it’s like shoveling horse poo. I DO know that.
Mrs. C — /”… You might want me to stop because dang, it hasn’t done you a lot of good so far.”/
Hahahahahahaha! I would totally respect someone who said that.
I often want to say things to people who are hurting and don’t out of fear of saying something dumb or thoughtless. I’m comforted in the fact that I’d never compare their suffering to shoveling horse poo.
Oh, man, that just. . . boggles my mind. If you find a way to inflict horse poo person and inspirational video link person on each other, I will totally support you in every way possible. (Including denial that you had anything to do with it!)
People are stupid.