UPDATE: Edited with your player assignments AND quarterfinal matchups for Tuesday, Sept. 8th and Wednesday September 9th. Check it out.
I went with the women’s draw because it’s just so interesting right now.
We’ve got Melanie Oudin, a 17-year-old American who defeated Maria Sharapova and is just ON, Crackie. Little spitfire. I like her.
We’ve got good ol’ Kim Clijsters, a former US Open Champion who’d been away from the game for two years to have a baby. She beat Venus Williams over the weekend and beat her GOOD. So satisfying, I gotta say.
Then we have your basic Serena Williams doing her basic Serena Williams thing.
Only four of the women remaining in this draw are actually seeded players in this year’s tournament. The No. 1 seed and No. 3 seed are OUT. It’s crazy. Kind of exciting. Really, it’s anyone’s championship at this point. Anything can happen!
Please remember: Although you may very well hear the results of these matches before your game mistress can get to them, please allow her to announce them herself. Thank you.
Don’t forget your Sad Boo-Bye Speech if you lose. Here are the guidelines on that. I’m VERY BIG on the Sad Boo-Bye Speech. VERY VERRRY BIG. The Sad Boo-Bye Speeches are some of the best parts of this whole extravaganza.
Good luck and good matches, everyone!
Okay. Below is our roster of players for The Best Thing Ever: America. Your selection will be assigned to a US Open player perhaps as soon as later today. I haven’t yet decided if I’m going with the men’s or women’s singles draw. I WAS decided until the women’s draw kind of burst wide open in the last few days. Venus Williams lost yesterday — (uhm, a-boo-hoo-hoo.) So at least one of the Williams’ sisters is out. I say that only because I really didn’t want another Williams (Faramir) /Williams (Jane Eyre) final like we had last year in The Best Thing Ever: England when the theme was Best Characters in English Literature.
Williams Schmilliams. Time to move along there, Crackie.
So. If I go with the women’s draw, you will be assigned to your US Open player later today. The quarterfinal matchups will be set by then.
Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, it should be noted that your game mistress HATES one of these movies with a white-hot hate, but she pledges to remain neutral and unbiased. She WILL. And no, she will not tell you which one it is. You’ll just have to guess.
Be prepared for a week of totally nonsensical, frequently drunk blogging. Just sayin’.
Okay. The playahs. Here they are:
Mr. Holland’s Deaf Kid’s Shmopus
US Open Women’s Player: Na Li CHN
The Royal Slattern
US Open Women’s Player: Kim Clijsters BEL
US Open Women’s Player: Flavia Pennetta ITA
More Horrible Slatterns
US Open Women’s Player: Serena Williams USA
(Matchups for Wednesday, September 9th:)
US Open Women’s Player: Yanina Wickmayer BEL
The Brunch Cabal
US Open Women’s Player: Kateryna Bondarenko UKR
Stupid People Die
US Open Women’s Player: Melanie Oudin USA
Ilsa’s Big Hat
US Open Women’s Player: Caroline Wozniacki DEN
Oh, wait! What are you playing for, you ask?
Well, a DVD.
Of one of the greatest American movies ever.
Because we love movies here at Beyond the Pale.
Because we care about excellence and aesthetics, too.
Because ….. we just couldn’t resist sharing this with the winner …..
The single greatest awful movie ever.
I know. I know. You’re all jonesing for it bad. Please remain calm.
But let’s not forget: For you womenfolk, there’s a hunky 1972 Sam Elliott. For you menfolk, there’s Joan Van Ark in a butter-yellow onesie.
To the victor go the spoils, pippa.