UPDATE: Do check out Star Wars’ Boo-Bye speech in the comments here. It went into moderation — all of them do at first when everyone is using character names, which I love — but don’t miss it. It’s a winner. Even though, uhm, Star Wars is …..well ….. a loser here.
More Horrible Slatterns
US Open Women’s Player: Serena Williams USA
Vadered over
Star Problems
US Open Women’s Player: Flavia Pennetta ITA
After the loss, Star Problems stomped off the court and promptly exploded all over the locker room in a galactic fireball of pique and tennis elbow.
Yeah. It was a real mess.
And the janitor, Jorge? Well, he was just a teensy bit pissed.
No bueno, no bueno, no bueno, he was heard to mutter while he swept up shards of tennis elbow.
First The Royal Slattern shoved inside a random locker room tuba and now …. this? I mean, cleaning up a galactic fireball of pique and tennis elbow takes A LOT of Lysol, pippa.
Boo-bye, Star Probs.
I think I even heard Jorge mutter Lo siento at your loss, but, uhm, it might have been something else.
(Don’t forget: Wednesday match-ups listed in this post.)
A long time ago in a country far, far away, a small town Italian girl picked up a tennis racket. The Italians put great faith in her talents, sending holographic messages telling her that she was their “only hope.†Villagers were often over-heard in the streets of Toshi Station telling each other, “The Force is strong with this one.â€
Her opponent was a trollop who was languishing in her former stardom, going on and on about a close up. The Italian couldn’t tolerate this vanity, she declared, â€Voi can’ la vittoria di t… se lo colpite vi scolate, io diventerete più potente di voi potrebbe possibilmente immaginare.†(You can’t win…if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.)
Then suddenly, to the anguished cries of the onlookers, the slattern took her down with one slice of her lightsaber (er…racket). The Italians felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. “May the Force be with you†were her last haunting words, left hanging over the silent court.
Oh, and Han shot first… Boo-bye.
She hasn’t gotten too big… it’s the courts that have gotten small.
Oh, um… I just got back into town at 6 this morning and had a quick nap. After I see my guests to the airport, I will be taking a shower (as I have been living in the Fire Swamps for the past few days with no available shower mechanism) and then catching up and smacktalking the mutton out of you kids.
Chewbacca’s Hairdresser — HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome Boo-Bye Speech. Italian even!!
/Her opponent was a trollop who was languishing in her former stardom/
Hahahahaha, I love that.
Great job!!
I love the parting comment: “Oh, and Han shot first”.
YES, HE DID.
Han did shoot first, yes. Good loser speech, Star Probs!
Well, she IS fluent in over six million forms of communication. Boo-bye speech = #4,229,814.
Maybe in those last moments she loved life more than she ever had before. Not just her life … anybody’s life … my life. All she wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. Where do I come from? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch her die. R.I.P., Brunch Cabal.
Dear Shank,
We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole tennis match for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us write a Boo Bye speech telling you who we think we are. You see as us as you want to see us…in the simplest terms with the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a replicant and a loser who were destroyed by you. Does that answer your question?
Sincerely Yours…
Darn it! The above comment was supposed to be from The Breakfast Club!
P.S. Show Shank some respect!
Not respect.
Show Shank Redemption.
Hey! You guys are doing Boo-Bye Speeches before I’ve even announced the results!!
Sorry, game mistress. I have Accelerated decrepitude.