Month: January 2008

I admit.

I’m watching “Celebrity Apprentice.”

And I’m watching “Celebrity Apprentice” because Gene Simmons is on it and I think that’s why anyone who’s watching IS watching and I think Donald Trump knows darn well that’s why people are watching. Which is fine. It’s smart.

Last week, the celebrities were divided into two teams: men and women. Everyone is playing for charity. The women are people like Marilu Henner and, uhm, Carol Alt the supermodel, and …. oh, Omarosa from the first Apprentice …. and, let’s see …. Nadia Comaneci, who looks — I’m sorry — like her face hit the balance beam one too many times. Then a couple other Playmatey-type chicks and such. The men’s team consists of one of the Baldwin brothers who’s not Alec, uhm, a boxer …. some ultimate fighter dude …. a prissy Englishman …. a couple others …. AND GENE SIMMONS.

See? Who cares about any of these people but Gene Simmons??

So the first challenge was selling hot dogs on a street corner in NYC. Omarosa led this project for the women and said, “Let’s not just exploit our celebrity.” (“Our,” Omarosa?) Marilu Henner just stared at her. Big disagreement. Omarosa wanted to have “strong marketing and sales skills,” blah blah. Everyone seemed to hate her. Playmatey chicks and all. Meanwhile, at the men’s camp, Baldwin brother is taking the helm for this one. He’s jawing on and on. Finally, Gene Simmons, who’s slouched in his chair, hiding behind sunglasses, beyond bored, says, “Look. Let’s just call people we know to come down and buy a damn hot dog for like $5000, okay? We all do that. Call our people. That’s what we’re doing.”

He gets up, walks a few feet away from the table, and starts calling. “Hey, yeah, it’s Gene. Hey, will you come down to X Street tomorrow and buy a hot dog for like $5000? It’s for charity ….. really? Great. See you then.”

Then he dials the phone again. And again. And again. Hahahahahaha.

The women, who “didn’t want to exploit their celebrity” sell about $17,000 worth of hot dogs — only because Marilu Henner disobeyed Omarosa’s edict, sneaked off, and made some calls.

How did the men do? They sold something like $52, 000 worth of hot dogs. Because, as we all know, Gene Simmons ROCKS.

Episode 2 tonight.

So I’m hooked. Whatevs. Everyone is scared of Gene Simmons and it is AWESOME.

Marisa needs this bracelet.

Breathtaking. How you’re actually looking down at clouds.

Click and drag mouse to get the full panorama.

…. but all my hamsters are armed and dangerous.

(I’m sorry. The little paws are killing me.)

I’m finishing up my review of “Sweeney.” Been really distracted this past week, I guess. There’s just a lot going on that I haven’t talked about yet. Or don’t know how yet.

But, while I was researching for my review — uhm, yes, researching — I stumbled across this little tidbit about Ms. Helena Bonham Carter: She’s started a clothing line called Pantaloonies. I can’t be the only one who thinks these jammies are adorable, right? Look at the pantalets!

CUTE!! Can I wear the pantalets out in public? Please?

“River Deep, Mountain High” – Celine Dion
(The only good Celine Dion song ever. Seriously. She ROCKS this song. Don’t believe me? Buy it from iTunes. I’m am TELLING you. If you hate it, I will reimburse you the 99 cents.)

“Walk this Way” – Aerosmith

“Lose Yourself” – Eminem

“Ragdoll” – Aerosmith

“Mr. Brownstone” – Guns and Roses

“Dancing Queen” – ABBA

“I Would Die 4 U” – Prince

“Sweet Emotion” – Guns and Roses

“I Want You Back” – Jackson 5

“Killer Queen” – Queen

“Borderline” – Madonna

“I Believe in a Thing Called Love” – The Darkness

Comes out to between 30 and 40 minutes. Heavy on the Guns and Roses and Aerosmith, as you can see. Uhm, so I have a crush on Joe Perry, so what, okay???

~ A mother and her little boy out for a walk on the shiny wet streets. I see them from behind, his bright blue rain boots, red-and-black knit cap, her long purple hair.

~ The little man at the table next to me in the bookstore furtive and shifty with his stack of sex addiction workbooks.

~ The guy in his truck with a tiny Christmas tree, maybe all of one foot, strapped tight to the hood, like some captive beast; the bed of the truck completely empty.

~ The use of the phrase “fully-orbed conspiracy.” I’m still not sure what it means. And I said it.

~ The joy of pure schmaltz and the beauty of men and Ireland in PS I Love You.

The San Diego Chargers are playing the Tennessee Titans in just a few moments in the NFL playoffs. We lost at this point last year. After an amazing 14-2 season, we LOST at this point last year. UGH. Awful. We gotta win today. Gotta. Sorry any readers from Tennessee, but San Diego is the perennial hard-luck team. It’s hard to root for the hard-luck team and at some point, luck’s got to change, right? Right?? AGHHHHHH! Quick, my smelling salts!!

UPDATE, 4:48 p.m.: WE WON!!!!! 17-6. Looked bleak there for a bit, but we pulled it out in the second half. Quick, my smelling salts!!

Next week, Divisional Championship against Indianapolis and that oogie Peyton Manning.

The Pantone Color of the Year for 2008 is ….

Blue Iris!

What’s this all about? Tut, I dunno!

Here’s what someone said about this most important choice for our country during this, an election year:

In a statement, Leatrice Eiseman, the executive director of the Pantone Color Institute, said: “Blue Iris brings together the dependable aspects of blue, underscored by a strong, soul-searching purple cast. Emotionally, it is anchoring and meditative with a touch of magic.” (Ohmmmm-weeee!)

Ms. Eiseman said the selection process had been very thoughtful, based on various influences, and that indeed the final choice reflected a “need for thoughtfulness.” Five individuals were involved in the selection process. “With blue iris, we felt that it answered several needs, hopes, desires, that kind of thing,” she said.

(Sure, Peaches. I feel my needs being met just looking at it, that kind of thing.)

Apparently, though, Pantone’s choice caused some controversy in Colortown! Look!

Pantone provides standardized palettes for a number of industries, mainly graphics, fashion textiles and interior design. Not surprisingly, Pantone’s competitors in the area of forecasting are skeptical of its choice, if not the motive behind it.

“It’s very good for publicity, and it certainly shows a lot of bravado,” said Margaret Walch, the director of the Color Association, a forecasting group founded in 1915, when the vast majority of its members were milliners, glove makers and hosiery suppliers. Because consumer tastes and values are under a variety of influences — economic, environmental, global — anointing one color isn’t all that meaningful, she said. Is there a color she might have picked instead? Ms. Walch laughed lightly, as if to say, “O.K., I’ll play along.” She answered, “My color for 2008 is bamboo.” A yellowed green, chosen from the association’s interior palette, she said, it “represents the stable green that is most on people’s minds.” She said it’s similar to a hue called Vineyard, adding: “I feel it just has a power. You know, these are very insecure times.”

(Bamboo?! Seriously? Bamboo??? Drat! I knew everything in the end would involve the dreaded panda somehow. Feeling insecure? Look to the panda, people, buried under their bamboo security blanket! Be the panda! Slow-moving, stupid lumps.)

Peeps, I’m having some health issues right now that are a little bit scary. Not hugely scary — please don’t worry. I don’t think it’s serious, but I could still use your prayers. We’re just under a lot of stress right now. So …. and this is so lame to do this …. I’m posting my review of “Sweeney” in two parts, starting below. This first part of the review talks about expectations. I’ll leave comments open on the review, but PLEASE don’t comment on anything about the movie that isn’t discussed there. Again, this is mostly about expectations. I’m gonna go rest, okay? Thankee.