the skinny

~ Banshee Boy turned 1 year old on February 3rd. He’s walking — well, no. That’s not quite true. He’s clearly decided walking is for suckers and has jumped ahead to running and falling. If he cannot run and fall to get somewhere, he doesn’t really want to be there, okay? He walks laps — I kid you not — around the downstairs of my brother’s house. We’re all in the family room, and there goes BB, toddling into the kitchen, rounding the corner into the dining room, out of sight, babbling in the living room, oh, here he is again to do it all again, which he does, smiling and chatting to himself the whole way.

~ He has a distinctly “boy” energy, that kid. (Am I allowed to say that anymore? Whatever. I can’t keep up.) He is never without a ball, any kind of ball. Basketball, football, water polo ball, soccer ball (which Tee Tee kicks away from him and says “No. NO!”).

~ He is also never without the tube of Chapstick he found on the floor several days ago. He just likes it is all. If you were try to hide it under your foot, which I have never done, of course, he might tug at your foot and might loudly vocalize disapproval making you feel like a very very bad person.

~ It’s been a long time since I got to buy clothes for a little boy, so I bought BB an outfit for his 1st birthday. I mean, kid has a tube of Chapstick to play with, what does he need toys for? I didn’t know this when I bought them, but the jeans I got him were …… skinny jeans. I noticed it on the inside tag after I’d gotten them home. Skinnnny jeans, pippa. For babies. And especially Banshee Boy, the world’s beefiest, chubbiest baby. I felt like an idiot. Like some kind of withered crone trying to be a hipster idiot. Ugh.

~ When my SIL opened the present and pulled them out, BB teetering close by, I looked at the jeans, looked at my little pot roast nephew and thought, “What was I thinking? No way are those fitting him! I’m giving him body shame issues! He’s ONE and his clothes don’t fit!” But they were so cute and the little plaid shirt sent the whole ensemble over the top making my SIL squeal with delight and announce, “I’m trying them on him right now!!”

~ So off came BB’s clothes. He stood there, a fat little ball in his diaper, while his mom tugged those skinny jeans up over his folds and chubs. Then something amazing happened. An anatomical miracle. God made him skinnier, I guess, because those tiny skinny jeans actually fit that little chubster. Okay, sure, they made him walk funny, blah blah, and we all laughed, but they were very sleek and slimming. My SIL exclaimed, “Wow! He’s got a full diaper, too!” And doesn’t that sweeten the pot?

~ Chapstick, skinny jeans, and a full diaper. Banshee Boy is ready for a nite on da town.

~ I worry, though, that those jeans ol’ Tee Tee got him will permanently smush his little kidneys.

Skinny jeans for babies, pippa! And I participated!

Unreal.

holiday kids

Taken with my crappy cell phone camera, but I got a purty new digital camera for Christmas. (These photos were taken pre-present opening, sadly.) So we’ll see if my photos get any better. If not, we’ll know that there is something very wrong with my new camera.

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See that look? That pretty much sums up Banshee Girl’s entire personality. A stinker, as we withered crones like to say.

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Original Banshee didn’t pose for this but I got lucky enough to catch this moment where she paused and looked so pretty and wistful.

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Okay, clearly, this sucks as a photo. I cropped them out of another photo and that made it even blurrier. But I couldn’t resist Elder Nephew’s smile and that sweet sweet look on Piper’s face. That’s her heart you see on her face. LOVE that girl so much.

where i am romanced

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BANSHEE BOY: Tee Tee! Tee Tee!!! Watch me to prube my lub for you by eading dis yummy red ball!!!

You know, in college, this dude serenaded me in the dining hall in front of everyone. It was nice, but come on. It’s no red ball, now is it?

the best-dressed fella at christmas

I tell you, pippa, I walked in the door to my brother’s house on Christmas Eve, took a gander at Banshee Boy, and burst out laughing.

He was wearing a sweater vest. A red sweater vest. A red sweater vest with an insignia. Good Lord.

Helloooo, ladies.

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holiday snippets

Discussing a character flaw of mine.

HE: Despite all the ways I love you, there are some things you suck at and this is one of them.
ME: Hahahahahahahaha.

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Entering the house after movie date pajama day. My brother is blasting Christmas music.

ORIGINAL BANSHEE (with a little eye roll): Dad really likes Robert Goulet, Tee Tee.
ME: I know, honey.
OB (confessing): But I kinda like him, too.
ME: It’s okay. I do, too.

____________________
Banshee Girl telling me about a movie she saw.

BG: Tee Tee, dere was dis board in da movie and he ….
ME: Wait. Did you say boy?
BG: No, Tee Tee. A board.
ME (really not understanding her): A bull??
BG: No! Tee Tee! A BOARD (flapping her arms like a bird).
ME: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, a board.

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Thanks to a slow and steady process of early indoctrination, Original Banshee (who is 7) thinks she wants to go to college at her parents’/grandparents’ alma mater. My sister went there as well. I’m the family lone ranger who did NOT go there which is part of why I’m so neato.

ME: Yeah. They don’t have a theatre major there because that would be too secular. They have a theatre support group.
MB: What’s that?
ME: Like a bunch of students getting together and “helping” each other with theatre a couple of times a week.
MB: Oh. How strange.
ME: I know. Like it’s AA for theatre or something. It totally bugs me. Original Banshee is not going to college there. I don’t care what I have to do.

____________________
I am deeply immature. To really understand me, you need to be 7.

ME: OB, that’s cool what you can do with your toe. I can’t do that. It’s like a super power.
OB: Yeah!
ME: Next year when other kids trick or treat at your door, just do that trick for them and save yourself some treats.
OB: What? I can DO that??
ME: Well, it’s trick OR treat, right?
OB: Yeah.
ME: And that’s a pretty cool trick.
OB: Yeah, but it’s not candy, Tee Tee.
ME: Sweetie, that’s way better than candy. You are Super Toe.
OB: Super Toe (giggling).
ME: We’ll make you a cape with a giant toe on it.
OB: (Giggling even harder)
ME: Or you could wear a headpiece that looks like a giant toe with your face peeking out of the toenail part.
OB: (She cannot breathe.) Tee Teeeeeee!! (gasp … gasp) But what is my super power?
ME: The toe trick.
OB: The toe trick?
ME: Yes. And smelliness, of course.
OB: (Nearly falling off sofa) Smelliness!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Tee Teeeeeeee!!!
ME: You defeat all your enemies with Super Toe smelliness.
OB: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

____________________
Favorite email line of the holidays, no context:

“Do you need help with sexual addiction AND a prairie photographer?? We’ve got you covered!”

the nieces and nephews, christmas 2011

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and Boxing Day, pippa! (MB is a dual citizen of the US and Canada, you see.) Now do I know what Boxing Day is? No. No, I do not. But that doesn’t stop me from hoping you had a good one, whatever it is.

Here’s a moment from our Christmas, frozen in time forever. All the nieces and nephews together:

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From left to right: Piper, now 11; Elder Nephew, now 20; Original Banshee, now 7; Middle Nephew, now 17; Banshee Boy 10 months; and Banshee Girl, now 4.

Things that amuse me about this photo:

~ EN is wearing a beanie he wore all day because he has a “fauxhawk” and my sister, his mother, told him our mom would probably vociferously object to it if she saw it. Instead, mom objected to the hat. (Insert eye roll here.) I saw the fauxhawk unveiled privately and thought it was kind of neato.

~ Banshee Boy was the best dressed of any of the fellas that day, including my dad. Check out his little red vest complete with fancy schmancy insignia. Good LORD, so cute. Never mind that he didn’t wear shoes all day. He’s a well-dressed baby boy with a sense of occasion.

~ Please notice, Middle Nephew, that your baby cousin is contemplating stuffing that plastic potato chip in his mouth. You’re paying attention, right, Middle Nephew? Oh, wait. That’s right. You’re 17.

~ Original Banshee’s dress had a petticoat. She wore it all day. Uhm, even while we all got sweating playing my invented game of “Hot Hot HOT! Potato” on the trampoline.

~ It’s finally dawning on family members that OB looks a lot like Tee Tee as a child. Especially now, with her hair like that, just how mine used to be. She has my eyes exactly. (And, really, family? You just now noticed? The kid’s almost 8.)

~ Piper is wearing a skirt. This is revolutionary, pippa.

~ She is almost taller than I am. Sob.

~ The look on Banshee Girl’s face kills me. It reminds me of this post from Halloween where she said, “Tee Tee, I am baaaaaaaaaaaaad!” Obviously, she is contemplating naughtiness. Now that presents have been opened, she’s in the clear, right?

I smush them all!

Even the huge ones much bigger than I.

Even the one who regularly beats up on me. (Looking at you, Middle Nephew.)

unbearable christmas greetings

(Another fabulous vintage photo.)
1217111722_0001_0001.jpgknow …….
BB: Tee Tee! Please! If you eat me dere will be no more rubberdyband hand to tink about eating.
ME: I guess that makes sense. Sorta.
BB: Tee Tee, I make noting but de sense.
ME: Whatever you say, rubberdyband man.
BB: Merry Chreestmus, Tee Tee.
ME: Merry Chreestmus, Banshee Boy.

big date with the banshee girls

MB and I are off to a movie date with the Banshee Girls (Happy Feet 2, pray for me).

In our PJs.

Yep. That’s the agreement. “Will YOU wear jammies TOOOO, Tee Tee????” Uhm, duh, yes. Yes, I will. I even bought them new jammies for the occasion. Sure, it’s a 2:50 showing, not an evening one, because of youngest Banshee Girl’s bedtime, so we’ll be wearing PJs in broad daylight, but who cares?

I’ll be rockin’ my sock monkey PJs, pippa.

the negotiator ….. snuggles?

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BANSHEE BOY: Tee Tee? May I please to tell you someting?
ME: Of course.
BB: Vell, I tink I have been vedy harsh vith you.
ME: Well …… sometimes.
BB: May I please to tell you someting else?
ME: Sure.
BB: Vell, your lap is vedy warm.
ME: That’s nice of you to say.
BB: Dat poofy ting on my butt fits right in de hole of your lap.
ME: Yes. I noticed.
BB: I like it.
ME: Me too.
BB: Tee Tee?
ME: Yes, Banshee Boy?
BB: Tenk you for letting me crawl into de hole of your lap.
ME: You’re welcome.
BB: And for de crazy moving picture ting with veird small people running round.
ME: Glad you like it.
BB: Please to notice my yammies, Tee Tee?
ME: Your jammies?
BB: Dat’s what I said. My yammies.
ME: They’re nice.
BB: Dey have dees tings on dem called footbulls or someting.
ME: I saw that. Your dad must have gotten you those.
BB: Yes. I tink so. I like dem.
ME: Me too.
BB: I stay here for a vhile, Tee Tee, okay?
ME: Okay. Me too.

stop, time, stop

Banshee Girl is 4 now as of yesterday. She shares a birthday with MB, who did not turn 4 yesterday, thank God.

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She’s 2 in this photo and ended up with her feet stuck in a pair of too-large boots. Everything about her in this photo cracks me up. Her head, her arms, her hands, her crazy zig-zaggy dress combined with those giant cowboy boots. It all speaks to me.