holiday snippets

Discussing a character flaw of mine.

HE: Despite all the ways I love you, there are some things you suck at and this is one of them.
ME: Hahahahahahahaha.

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Entering the house after movie date pajama day. My brother is blasting Christmas music.

ORIGINAL BANSHEE (with a little eye roll): Dad really likes Robert Goulet, Tee Tee.
ME: I know, honey.
OB (confessing): But I kinda like him, too.
ME: It’s okay. I do, too.

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Banshee Girl telling me about a movie she saw.

BG: Tee Tee, dere was dis board in da movie and he ….
ME: Wait. Did you say boy?
BG: No, Tee Tee. A board.
ME (really not understanding her): A bull??
BG: No! Tee Tee! A BOARD (flapping her arms like a bird).
ME: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, a board.

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Thanks to a slow and steady process of early indoctrination, Original Banshee (who is 7) thinks she wants to go to college at her parents’/grandparents’ alma mater. My sister went there as well. I’m the family lone ranger who did NOT go there which is part of why I’m so neato.

ME: Yeah. They don’t have a theatre major there because that would be too secular. They have a theatre support group.
MB: What’s that?
ME: Like a bunch of students getting together and “helping” each other with theatre a couple of times a week.
MB: Oh. How strange.
ME: I know. Like it’s AA for theatre or something. It totally bugs me. Original Banshee is not going to college there. I don’t care what I have to do.

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I am deeply immature. To really understand me, you need to be 7.

ME: OB, that’s cool what you can do with your toe. I can’t do that. It’s like a super power.
OB: Yeah!
ME: Next year when other kids trick or treat at your door, just do that trick for them and save yourself some treats.
OB: What? I can DO that??
ME: Well, it’s trick OR treat, right?
OB: Yeah.
ME: And that’s a pretty cool trick.
OB: Yeah, but it’s not candy, Tee Tee.
ME: Sweetie, that’s way better than candy. You are Super Toe.
OB: Super Toe (giggling).
ME: We’ll make you a cape with a giant toe on it.
OB: (Giggling even harder)
ME: Or you could wear a headpiece that looks like a giant toe with your face peeking out of the toenail part.
OB: (She cannot breathe.) Tee Teeeeeee!! (gasp … gasp) But what is my super power?
ME: The toe trick.
OB: The toe trick?
ME: Yes. And smelliness, of course.
OB: (Nearly falling off sofa) Smelliness!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Tee Teeeeeeee!!!
ME: You defeat all your enemies with Super Toe smelliness.
OB: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

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Favorite email line of the holidays, no context:

“Do you need help with sexual addiction AND a prairie photographer?? We’ve got you covered!”