The other day, this dented old lady walks into The Beanhouse. She is squat and smushed-looking, a bruised peach.
She is the only person in line.
Self: What can I get you?
Dented Old Lady: Well, I want something sweet. Do you have something sweet?
Self: Er, yes.
(Another person enters, stands behind her. Two people in line now.)
DOL: Well, because, I want something sweet, you know.
Self: Uh-huh. Do you want something cold or hot?
DOL: Well, I don’t know.
Self: Sigh.
(Another person. Three people now.)
Self: Well, it’s pretty hot out. How ’bout a blended drink?
DOL: Wha’s tha?
Self: Um, it’s like a smoothie with coffee.
DOL: Ummmm ….. well ……
(Another person. Four.)
DOL: ….. ummmm ….
Self: 
DOL: Oh. I know! I know!! I want a Mocha Coffee Vanilla shake.
Self: Excuse me?
DOL (Enunciating for the mentally challenged barista): A Mocha. Coffee. Vanilla. Shake.
Self: Ma’am, we don’ t have a Mocha Coffee Vanilla Shake. That’s just —
DOL (pointing): It says so right up there!
(Five people now, including Dented Old Lady.)
Self: Riiight. Those are individual flavors, ma’am, separate items.
DOL: Oh. But it sounds really good.
Self: 
DOL: Okay, then. I’ll just have a Mocha Shake.
Self: All right. 3.95, please.
Dented Old Lady tugs at her lumpy purse, pulls out a wallet. Searching … searching … searching. Bupkis. She stuffs her dented hand deeper into the bag, pulls out a coin purse. Digging …. digging …. dig …. oh, look! there’s a fuzzy Lifesaver …. and look! there’s a grimy coin …. annnd, look! Bupkis.
(Six people now. Nope. Seven.)
DOL: Oh. Look. I guess I need to go to the bank.
Self: 
I bury Dented Old Lady in the canyon deep in the scotch broom thicket where there’s a dent that matches hers, anointing her lumpen frame with Mocha Coffee Vanilla Shake.
If the number of people who are both clueless and pitiful were fully cognizant of their condition, and the extent to which they hamper the normal functionings of the rest of the world, the number of suicides would increase exponentially. Maybe it’s just as well that they don’t know. We Christians are also under orders to love them. (“Hey, Lord, couldn’t you issue an EASY one once in a while?”)
Mom … !?!
🙂
Mercy killing, Dave.
…and invariably I get behind someone like that in line. When I have somewhere else I have to be in 20 minutes.
I know we’re called to love people like that, but by golly, it’s HARD sometimes. (I am more prone to think to myself – through the thinking equivalent of gritted teeth – “the Lord loves you. And I’m trying. Not quite succeeding, but trying.”)
WG (*whilst wearing a tee shirt that says “I ‘heart’ Cullen”*):
I bury Dented Old Lady in the canyon deep in the scotch broom thicket where there’s a dent that matches hers, anointing her lumpen frame with Mocha Coffee Vanilla Shake… then plop a lumpened, peachy Poppet on top like a sweet, sweet sundae cherry. Thank you magic poppet, thank you.
Oh, the poppet was a fantastic addition.
Why add to what was written? I don’t even get it. What does a poppet have to do with it?
Brian, on Tracey’s search window, type the phrase “I, devil” and read that post and you’ll understand.
Okay. I read it, but still, I’m trying to make a bigger point. WGs being funny, but adding to what someone writes on their blog, even with an intent toward humor in mind, seems kind of presumptuous. I think, anyway. I like it the way it is.
I would never presume to add to the greatness of the Mighty T-Mama, dearest. It just made better sense in context.
Well, addition was probably a poor choice of words on my part. Correlation, perhaps?
Eh, it’s more of a “riff”. Tef and do it all the time with our friends, co-workers and each other. Just a habit.
I presume if T had an issue with it, she would say. And if she did, I would certainly comply. It’s her house.
People have different p’s and q’s. My BFF and I drink after each other. To some people that’s worse than disgusting.
Wasn’t able to check in yesterday. Brian, hey, I get your point; you’re looking out for me. I appreciate your concern over etiquette and such. WordGirl’s being funny, as you said.
But the post stays as it is. Hahaha! 😉