(I was actually looking for a different post in my archives, but ran across THIS one about last year’s Oscars. In it, I’m really freaked out by something very specific. It’s so stupid, really, because I can barely remember what I’m even talking about here. But in honor of this weekend’s Oscars, I thought I’d put it up here again. I think I sound rather off my nut. Okay. Wait a minute. Reading it again, I actually agree with myself.)
All right. I’m the grouch. I’m watching the Oscars right now. Can I just say sumpin’ here? What is with the staging tonight?! May I please say that it deeply, honestly sucks? They’re bringing the nominees for some of the less sexy awards — Art Direction, Costume Design — ONTO THE STAGE, just to stand there, waiting in front of the whole watching world to see if they’ve won, like some athletic losers hoping to be picked for the softball team in junior high PE.
When the Oscar is announced, the winner steps forward, and the losers — well, the losers are whisked offstage to their shame dates with Doritos and Ding Dongs and, ultimately, the panic disorders that began the night they got the humiliating thrill of standing onstage as the LOSERS at the freaking ACADEMY AWARDS, no less!! The stage should be the magical place where the winning happens, not the place where the nightmares begin. Do NOT make a spectacle of the poor, disappointed people. What’s next? Losers are devoured by lions? Chased by blood-thirsty paparazzi?
Ah. Now I see the directors are also having the stars go INTO THE AUDIENCE to present these awards that nobody cares about. Here’s Cate Blanchett, loitering in an aisle, announcing whatever award this is. And the winner is ….. shockingly, that person in the aisle seat right next to her. WOW. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING! Now this hapless winner has stepped up to the rickety microphone — which just magically appeared — to give her speech in this ultra-glam locale.
And, and this lucky gal gets to be upstaged throughout her entire speech by the eye-catching, attention-grabbing presence of Cate Blanchett who is still in the shot — because the shot’s too freaking wide and the aisle’s too freaking narrow and it’s utterly freaking stoopid. (Hmm …. seems I’m a little bugged.)
But back to my live rant. Look, don’t steal the winner’s moment by making them seem pale in comparison to the luminous, unreal aura of a movie star. Don’t put the winner or the star in some clunky, stupid, but “new” location, just to be avant-garde. Don’t put the winner in an aisle where they have their backs to half the audience. They’re upstaging themselves — through no fault of their own. No thoughtful director would do that to his “people.” It strikes me as insensitive. And I understand it seems like an expeditious TV choice. Sure, you’re cutting down on “walking” time if the winner is sitting or standing right there. But it takes something away from the grandeur of the show and it certainly steals something ineffable from the winner’s moment. Hey, when we practice our acceptance speeches in our mirrors, we imagine ourselves walking our glorious walk up to that glorious stage, not standing in a squishy aisle, battling for screen time with a person who’s paid to be a screen hog. That’s the winner’s moment and it shouldn’t be messed with, FOR. PETE’S. SAKE! (Wow. Seems I am disproportionately annoyed.)
But — I just can’t stop!
Because what other “avant-garde” locations await us tonight??
I mean, are we going to see “Gwyneth Paltrow presenting from …. the slimy-floored kitchen!” or “Nicole Kidman ….. from the alley trash cans with the deranged hobo reaction!” or “Anthony Hopkins …. presenting a winner, some losers, and a few snivelers, LIVE …. from the men’s room urinals!” ??
WHO THE HELL KNOWS??
Okay. Shhhh. Gotta watch.
Great writing as always, Tracey, but I’m intrigued by “no comments” (prior to this one). Is it because you’re rehashing an oldie but goodie and whatever can be said was said a year ago? Or is it because it’s mostly other Christians who read your blog, and don’t really identify with the Academy Awards because they don’t watch them? I know I don’t. The awards went from “Can’t miss” earlier in my life to “Who cares?” now. Hollywood doesn’t reflect my own values anymore, and in fact is actively hostile toward them, so I don’t do Hollywood. That’s not all bad; I read a lot more books this way, or do other interesting things I might not have done otherwise because I would be at the movies. There’s the argument that movies are targeted at certain demographics and I’m older than the “desirable” range, but when there were truly blockbuster movies, people of EVERY age went to them. (Think 12 Oscars for Ben-Hur, for example; imagine THAT flick being made today.) The last one that really blockbustered was “Titanic,” and that was–what?–seven or eight years ago?
Tracey – hahahahahahahahaha
I couldn’t agree more.
I am one of those weirdos who have NO PROBLEM with the length of the show. Please don’t CUT SHORT the winning moments of these people … Let the show go til 1 am!!
But then again, I’m an actress. I LOVE it.
My brother is actually “working’ the Oscars tomorrow night – he will be wearing a tux in the “E” channel tent. Shuffling people along, managing the crowd … hahahah Can’t wait to hear his stories!
Dave — Simple. I was lazy. I didn’t transfer the comments when I moved to my new site.
And I like the Oscars. And movies.
Funny, but I remember a little flick just a couple years ago called “The Passion of the Christ” that did all right for itself. Too bad you don’t do Hollywood anymore; you must have missed it.
It’s been a long while since I came through here. I saw your link on a blog, and decided it was time to make my way through again. I always miss every award show, but tomorrow, thanks to this reminder, I am taping it.
“The Passion of the Christ” is the exception that proves the rule, doncha think? A big gamble on Mel Gibson’s part, huge box-office success, and hardly a notice on Oscar night, let alone anyone seeming to be thinking of producing another film aimed at the devout.
Oh, Dave, I just think it’s unrealistic to expect Hollywood to share your values. Really. Does the country at large share your values? Probably not. Honestly, I’ve never understood this expectation some Christians have.
And, hey, Darlene! Thanks for stopping by!