While stopped at a neighborhood intersection, MB and I see a fluffy husky puppy jumping up on its owner with that certain joie de vivre that only puppies can have. That certain joie de vivre that really makes you wish you were a puppy too. That certain joie de vivre that really makes you want to kick that puppy square in the ass because you don’t have that certain joie de vivre at all.
Since I don’t want to be hauled off to jail for kicking a puppy square in the ass, and since the puppy, you see, he moves me, I start talking in the puppy voice. The puppy voice that all women have hardwired into their DNA. The puppy voice that drives men crazy because they secretly have a puppy voice too and wish they could come out of the closet and just admit they have a puppy voice too.
Ohhh! He’s so cute! Ohhhh! I want him, ooooohhhh, awwwww, he’s just a baby, awwwwwww. Etc.
This goes on for longer than is humanly acceptable, even with just MB around. Even if no one were around, it’s just empirically gross and God can still hear me, right? I’m aware it’s sickening even while I do it, that I’ve bid a fond boo-bye to my dignity, but it can’t be helped. It’s the puppy’s fault. I am possessed by the puppy. I am not myself. It’s beyond my control, to randomly quote Dangerous Liaisons.
Finally, MB rolls his eyes and says with a nervous laugh borne of deep inner distress, “Uhm, can I talk to Tracey now?”
I fall silent in an instant, knowing that that stupid puppy has forced me to cross that cutesy line that no wife should ever cross in front of her husband. Because I know in my heart of hearts I’ve become “other,” one of those Care Bear people who make me want to gag, I slowly move my index finger up and down and say in the Danny voice that everybody has, “Tracey isn’t here, Mrs. Torrance.”
My Danny voice is good, damn good, I say, and we both burst out laughing, precious puppy and the voice it produces utterly trumped by the Danny voice. As it should be.
Let’s face it. The Danny voice can kick the puppy voice square in the ass.
And all is right with our world again.
Until we see another puppy ……
One of the reasons I love you: All of this made perfect sense. And I could practically HEAR you saying it. I’m not sure if it says more about you or about me that I find stories that use both a puppy voice and a Danny voice so relatable.
Hahahahaha, Marisa. Kindred spirits, we are. How are you doing, sweet girl? I miss you and I’m always happy to see you come by.
My family had a husky when I was in high school: we knew someone who was forced to give him up. What a goregeous dog – and well-behaved. I cannot blame you for the puppy voice.
At first I thought you were going to talk about the *husky’s* voice. They don’t really bark the way other dogs do, it’s like they instinctively start to howl an instant before remembering that they’re not actually wolves. So it’s not really “WOOF”, it’s more “HAROOF.”
Of course after I finished reading this, I immediately pictured the dog looking over to you and intoning, “COME PLAY WITH US.”
Marisa – hahahahaha Absolutely – I was thinking the same thing. I totally could see the whole interaction. Yup. Makes perfect sense.