I mean, he was on the post-game show just now with Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason and Bill Cowher — actual famous people who’ve done actual stuff — standing stage left behind a dinky table loaded with Subway sandwiches.
Demonstrating how to use them, I guess.
It suddenly gave me flashbacks to my glorious shopping channel hosting days when I had to “demonstrate” how to use a pillowcase.
I am totally serious.
Fleghh. Go away, Jared. Get fat again and go away.
Please. Do it for me. I will give you a pillowcase and show you how to use it.
Did you ever work with Mike Rowe? Please tell me you did, even if you didn’t. I’ve seen some of his old footage from QVC on Youtube and he was hilarious trying to sell the Katsak. It was kinda like a pillowcase… but for cats.
Wait–you mean the tabloid magazines I read in line at the grocery store were lying when they said he got fat again? But those pictures really looked like him! Man, what else are they lying about?
Brian — Oh, yes. I DEFINITELY did. Yup. Ol’ Mikey. Mikey Rowe.
Kate P — I know! They LIED! Can you believe it? You know, the thing is this: Come on, Subway. How long are you going to milk this? It’s been at least a decade, I swear. DO something else. I mean, it’s nice that Jared lost weight on your sandwiches, but have a NEW idea. I beg you. It bugged me to see this nerdy dude whose only claim to fame is that he lost a bunch of weight eating deli schmoozing with, oh, a Super Bowl winning NFL coach, for one. Weird.
And, really, maybe he’s thin now, but what about his cholesterol level, his blood pressure? Lots of cured meats in those Subway sandwiches.
I really don’t know why I’m so worked up about “Jared.”
Maybe he embarrasses me. Like, he’s overstayed his welcome at a party and no one has the heart to tell him to go.
(Of course, who would??? He brings all the sandwiches, Trace. No one really LIKES Jared, but free sammies don’t suck, I guess.)
Whatevs. I’m hopped up on TheraFlu or something. I am expending way too much “wellness” energy on a bland doughy stranger.
Was Subway sponsoring whatever segment you saw? If so, then America is quite stuck with whomever they say has to appear with the accomplished professionals.
Either that, or Jared’s gone into catering now, and is subcontracting the lunch jobs.