We were driving north on Sunday, zipping past a low-slung row of gentlemen’s clubs and the freeway wall that keeps their contents from spilling out into the world like a can of pop’n’fresh.
And it was weird. No, not the pop’n’fresh analogy. That was genius.
What was weird was the billboard hovering high above all the slouching strip joints. A billboard which read:
Well. Well. Well.
San Diego’s #1-rated adult hospital.
Again and again and again.
Uh, okaay.
But — and this was weird again — later, when we drove south past this same section of freeway, on the side without any clubs, we passed a matching billboard for this same hospital. Yes, matching. Or so I thought.
It read:
Well. Well. Well.
San Diego’s #1-rated hospital.
Again.
Is it me? Am I just imagining things? Are they suggesting, on the strip-joint side of the road, that there’s such a thing as an “adult” hospital? Is that what they’re saying? Am I the only one who sees this? Because, I kid you not, the non-pervy side of the road did not use the word “adult.” And the “again and again and again” part? Is it me?? Does it sound a little, uh, racy? (This from the woman who recently exposed her nostrils on this blog.) Okay. It must be my recently but perhaps permanently dulled senses, but I read these aloud to MB. I commented on them at the time. And it’s now Tuesday night and I am still not over it. So clearly, I need some resolution of this pressing issue. Or are the effects of cultic mind control just making me see things? And you’d better not pick that option, peaches.
What is going on?? Is this is the new thing? “Adult” hospitals? I’m so confused. I’m an adult, but I am so not ready for an adult hospital.
What if I end up in the hospital someday with the dreaded acromegaly and they have to operate and I wake up wearing pasties in a room with a pole? Can I sue? Will my acromegaly be cured? Does insurance cover the pasties and the pole? Will deductibles be called cover charges now? Will there be bouncers to throw you out if they need the bed?
Help me, Obama. I just don’t understand your health plan.
Well the advantage of going to an “adult” hospital is that you won’t run into any “watchers” during your stay.
Then again, if they start setting up cameras and lights before your sponge bath, I’d be a little worried.
Your mind is brilliant.
Then again, I’m suffering from raging 1-night-only insomnia/migraine and feeling overly fuzzy, so take my compliment for what it’s worth.
I suppose when you look at it clinically, so to speak, the groping that goes on at the average strip club (I assume because I’ve never been to one, no, not me, never, well, I’ve never groped) isn’t that much different than any number of physical examinations except that maybe it’s a tad cheaper.
Rob — So you’re saying women could get cheaper Pap smears at a strip joint?
Uhm, let’s not explore that.
sarahk — Oh, I take your compliment very seriously. I do. I take all compliments very seriously even if they’re lies. Not that YOURS is a lie. Obviously.
JFH — Yeah, I have a feeling there’d be a lot more watchers at an “adult” hospital than they’d EVER admit.
That’s a thought, Tracey. Instead of advertising “topless and bottomless dancers”, they could advertise, “We take all insurance”. Sorry for exploring. 🙂
Rob — “We take all insurance.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I can’t stop laughing at that.
Topless, bottomless, and Pap smears, too.
I have a feeling that this is the direction we are going with air travel.
Please hand your boarding pass, photo ID, and insurance card to the TSA agent. Remove your shoes, belt, and outer garments before proceeding to the magnetometer. The doctor will see you there. Remove all medications from your bag – if you forgot to pack them, we have a pharmacist to the left who can help you. Need xrays? Step right over there to our xray machine. A more thorough exam? Right over here – I’m required by law to ask if you’d like a private screening room. Face this way so you can watch your belongings. Feet spread apart, arms out to the sides. Labwork results will be available at your connecting city, please check with the gate agent there for details.
I’m just saying, it’s getting a little personal to fly these days…
Well, those gowns that hospitals make patients wear are kinda flasher-y.
Kate – maybe you tie them in the front at an adult hospital.
I betting the gowns at an adult hospital use velcro fasteners for those whipping off maneuvers.
Yea, you should go on a break-you seem a little paranoid.