Our new landlord is in his 60s, I’d guess, and very nice. He likes to call me “dear” and, you know, that’s okay with me. I AM a dear. Or I really really want to be. So he was around yesterday to paint a vacant unit. Guess he had to evict the kid living there because he was a — how to say it nicely? — horrible filthy packrat.
So our interchange proceeded like this:
HE: This place was a disaster. A fire hazard. I just couldn’t have him here anymore. Stuff stacked everywhere. Oh, but he was a nice kid, though; he was.
ME: Hm. I never even saw him.
HE: Well, he was one of those willards.
ME: A willard?
HE: Yeah, you know, a willard.
I didn’t know. Forgive me, pippa. For a split second, I thought maybe he meant “wigger” but I didn’t want to say that because …. that would be, um, bad …. so bad …. wouldn’t it?
ME: Uh, you’re up on some slang that I just don’t know.
HE: Oh, you know. That non-violent satanic cult.
ME: Uhmm ………. a Wiccan?
HE: That’s it! A Wiccan! What did I say?
ME: A willard.
HE: A willard?
ME: I like willard better.
HE: Hahahahaha.
ME: Hahahahaha.
HE: (in a hushed voice) He had, like, 200 robes hanging around the room here.
ME: Oh.
HE: You know, for his rituals.
ME: Well, I guess.
HE: Those willards.
ME: Hahaha.
Yes, those willards. So, uhm, was my friend M on to something then?
If someone told me that my neighbor was a “willard”, I’d think he’d be a rat whisperer. So a Wiccan WOULD be much better.
Hahaha. Maybe they changed the name after Willow became such a prominent Wiccan. Like an homage to her.
I was thinking he might have been referring to the rat-loving Crispin Glover in the movie Willard. I think it works equally well.
Cullen — HA!!!
Hahaha. I thought of the movie, too. When I was reading about the “Willards” I was like, Oh, the kid kept rats?
You know, I don’t mind it when older men or women call me “dear” or similar terms as well. I’m not so much in love with being called “dear” by the 18 year old girl who is waiting my table in the restaurant…but people who are my parents or aunts and uncles ages, I kind of like that.
I also once had a guy down here refer to me as “little lady” (as in, “Jack, you need to load up this furniture the little lady bought.”) It’s terribly unfeminist of me, I know, but I found it quite charming. (I MAY be a lady but there’s really nothing “little” about me. Also, I was taller and probably heavier than the guy selling me the furniture.)
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That is hilarious. I’m going to be giggling about willards all evening. I bet nobody has ever said that sentence before.
Great, now I’m going to have even more trouble keeping a straight face when someone asks at the bookstore for the Wicca section. Right this way, Willard!