Say you’re telling someone a story — a personal tale of woe, perhaps — because they have just inquired about it. Hearing this information is their idea. You start to tell them and, oh, about three minutes into the story — and you were closing in on the end of it — the person prompts, “So, to make a long story short ….”
Uh, what do you do or say? Isn’t that something that the speaker usually says to hurry themselves up, to acknowledge the story’s been going on a bit? Is it polite for the listener to say to you, the speaker, “So to make a long story short ….”?
I don’t think so. And I will tell you what I did, since — surprise! — this really did happen to me recently. I looked at the person and said, “Well, it’s not that long” and immediately stopped talking about it. Why? Because I’m now a curmudgeon and other people’s rudeness is making me rude in return, I guess.
Plus, I’m a gang member now, so I have a bad attitude, dawg.
Good answer. It’s not like they were all that interested in how you felt about things… kind of makes one wonder why they asked at all.
I know. I just have no patience with rudeness anymore. Basically, this person was saying, “I am done with your story even though you are not done.” Oh. Okay. I’m done too. “The End.”
Next time this happens, maybe I will say just that: “Oh, okay. The End.”
Ugh, how rude! Yeah, you handled it well. I do like “Oh, okay. The End,” though.
BTW, I hope you don’t ever, like when you’re reading a certain person’s story, think, “So, to make a long story short…”
sarahk — Hahahahahahaha! Now you know how your book ends:
Oh, okay. The End.
LOL. I’m going to have to remember that (writing it down now). And I’ll end every one that way so no one will know when it ends for sure.
Along the same line of thinking:
I have had people say to me, “God, you talk alot!!”
Umm… that’s rude! Do I say to you “Wow- you are a social boob- you are FREAKING BORING!!!” No, no I don’t. Do I say, “Hey, you might want to take a course in learning the art of making conversation… you f’ing moron.” No, no I don’t. How about, “Hey- you are very unattractive, and I hope you get sabotaged by the “What Not to Wear” people.” Nope. I don’t comment on peoples flaws like that. Idiots.
Ugh. Rude.
wow. you are all so much nicer than me. My first thought was…..a male…….knee to the groin….female…make a cat noise and walk away.
geez i’m getting cranky in my old age….
Beth — Really??? That is just inexcusable. But I love hearing you on a tear just now:
/“Hey- you are very unattractive, and I hope you get sabotaged by the “What Not to Wear†people.â€/
Hahahahahaha.
Yeah…I’m an amputee, and while I walk really pretty well, my gait is noticeably different. So sorry, maybe I could find time to do more physical therapy in between my 2 jobs and full-time graduate school. Anyway… Number one, obviously, it’s rude to stare. It just is. Like, hello, thank you, I’m already aware that I am abnormal, no need to treat me like a circus freak.
You would be amazed at the number of times I have had the exact same conversation, and with people I have known anywhere from 5 minutes to 1 week:
Rude person (completely out of the blue): So, what happened to your leg? (generally delivered in a tone that indicates that I am the rude one for not having introduced myself as “Hi, I’m Katie and I only have one leg.”
Me: It was amputated when I was 12 because I had bone cancer.
Rude person: Really? Wow. I never would have guessed. You walk really well.
Me: Huh.
Someday, I will work up the nerve to say, “Obviously I don’t, or you wouldn’t have asked about it. Unless of course, you’re just a rude person who feels the need to inquire into the personal medical issues of people you barely know.”
They were being rude. If someone prompts a person to “share,” they don’t get the option of going, “OK, I’m done now.”
On the other hand, I never know what to do when someone I DIDN’T ask to share starts sharing stuff I don’t want to hear and don’t want to know. I don’t want to be rude because I realize that some people have NO ONE to listen to their stuff – but I get really tired sometimes of being the “trouble tree” for students and people at church and random people in doctor’s waiting rooms and such.
(Sometimes I think they should make a device, where you could have a ring or something with a button on it, and when you pressed it, it would call your cell phone, and you could smile apologetically and go, “I need to take this…” and then take your phone and walk out of the room)
In my life, general rule of thumb is: don’t even ask “How are you” if you’re not prepared to really hear a real answer. I cannot STAND those who “expect” a certain type of answer – polite and surfacey- even from a simple question … if you ask me “How are you” right now, you’re gonna get an earful – so seriously, don’t even ask if you don’t really want to know me. Sheila don’t play that game anymore.
Oh, and obviously this goes both ways. I don’t ask “How are you” in a casual way. To me, it’s a real question. Most of the time, people just say “Fine, how are you” … you know, and most of the time that’s what I say as well – but if someone opens up a bit, and says, “Having a hard time right now” or whatever, I figure: well, look, I ASKED THE QUESTION “How are you?” What did I expect?
Seriously. Don’t ask the question if you’re then going to try to hurry someone up and say, “To make a long story short” ( SO RUDE, tracey!!), or to then bitch about how much you hate “TMI” later. You ASKED the question.
And as a result, in general, I feel like I have mostly nice honest interactions with people. I have had cab drivers open up to me about the problems with their mothers back in Bangladesh, I have had random Egyptian deli owners tell me how he wishes he could find a wife and how it’s hard to do so … I am definitely a “crazy magnet”, so I have to be careful who I let in – but my radar is pretty good. I love it when people tell me things, unprompted (if they’re not crazy, I mean). Like the random Armenian cab driver in Los Angeles who actually got out of the car to give me a huge when he dropped me off because I had asked him how he felt about Mount Ararat. hahahahaha Who’s the crazy person in THAT scenario?
But seriously – life is full of lovely moments like that if you don’t shy away from, you know, connecting with other people, randomly, even if you aren’t prepared for it.
Uhm, the Armenian cab driver gave me a HUG, not a HUGE.
Preview!!!
It’s probably good that you weren’t carrying your piece – busting a couple of caps in that ass would have been appropraite.
Sheila – i love that he wanted to hug you.
Katie — I am gobsmacked at that. People’s rudeness to you — their nosiness. I really hope you DO say that to someone someday. It’s well-deserved.
sheila — Hahaha. I remember the Armenian cab driver story. I fell in love with him!
Incredible how some people are. I think that we so easily ask, “How are you?” without really meaning it. It just seems to be something we say, even though we really don’t want to know how someone is. Just like when we answer, “Fine” to that questions when we really may not mean that.
Tracey – I know – he was so wonderful!
And obviously there is a time and place … if someone asks “How are you” in an elevator, it would not be appropriate to talk to them for two hours, unless they’re a dear friend and prepared for that. But I don’t say “Fine” if I’m not fine. I say “hangin’ in there” these days … and it’s amazing how nice some people can be when that is your answer. They’ll respond with, “That’s all you can do, right?” or whatever … It’s kind. I like it when human beings can “break through” the surface of politeness … even in small ways like that. I always appreciate it when I get a real answer to “How are you?”
I’m with you, sheila. I don’t ask the question if I am not prepared to listen to the answer and ask follow up questions if they’re warranted or if I don’t care. If I’m in a rush or just not in the mood for people and someone asks how I am, I give the short answer and say thanks. I don’t ask in return.
And it really annoys the crap out of me when a cashier (they’re the worst at this) asks me how I’m doing, and I answer and ask how they’re doing, and they don’t respond, because they weren’t listening for my response. Gack! Just don’t even bother!
Tracey,
I have never, ever heard that from a listener before! This person must be an imbecile in basic conversation, having probably heard this from a SPEAKER once, assumes that this is an acceptable response to a long story.
Then again, when ever I use that expression when I’m telling a story to my father, his response is “Too late!” (While it’s a joke between us, we would never do that in front of acquaintances, who may not get that we’re semi-joking)
Wow! RUDE! Unbelievably RUDE!
But I love these stories. I am taking them to heart. I think I might be one of those people who asks “how are you doing?” as a matter of habit. If someone starts to unload, I don’t get all annoyed and walk away or anything, but I think I do sometimes breeze by without really listening to the vague answers that might have been more if I had been paying better attention.
I vow here and now to stop this behavior, and to choose my casual greetings wisely.
But even with my misguided social niceties, I have never…would never…say what this person said to you, Tracey. Horrifying!
Brian — Hahahahaha. Yes, please beware my piece. That’s gangspeak, right?