olympic thoughts for an olympic afternoon

You know, just sittin’ around with my Olympic thoughts. My deep and wide Olympic thoughts.

~ Quite honestly, I do have some Olympic fatigue. Just being real, you know? Once track and field started and the athletes seemed to be competing to see who could be the biggest asshat more than anything else, my interest dropped precipitously.

~ Although, right now, boxing — BOXING! — is on. And I don’t even like boxing unless Rocky Balboa is involved.

~ On the other hand, I am in love with this Thai boxer’s last name: Boomjumnong. I keep saying it out loud. “BoomJUMnong. BoomJUMnong. BoomJUMnong.” MB doesn’t say anything. I can read his mind, though. And it’s not good. You know, “how much longer do we have to live, blah blah, white man’s burden, sigh, etc.”

~ In a President Tracey administration, athletes would have to prove they know the National Anthem as part of the qualifying process for any US Olympic team.

~ Because don’t you sometimes think that that’s why they’re not singing along?

~ Because they don’t actually know the words to the anthem?

~ Wait! This just in: The US Women’s Basketball team DOES know our national anthem! Lisa Leslie is singing her GUTS out! I love that. I want to kiss her now please. Adorable and heartwarming.

~ Or am I just a gammie and a jingo? Gammie Jingo? “There was a gammie had a name and Jingo was her name-o!”

~ I loved that song in school. Remember? “J-I-N-G-O”? Cool song. Really fun. And educational, with the spelling and all.

~ Uhm, has anyone looked at the words to some of the other countries’ anthems?

~ I mean, Good LORD.

~ Here’s China’s, for instance. It’s called March of the Volunteers, as in “Okay. Raise your hand if you want to help us build a 4,000-mile-long wall”:

Arise! All who refuse to be slaves!
Let our flesh and blood become our new Great Wall!
As the Chinese nation faces its greatest peril,
All forcefully expend their last cries.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Our million hearts beat as one,
Brave the enemy’s fire, March on!
Brave the enemy’s fire, March on!
March on! March on! On!

~ Whatevs, China.

~ Okay. I’m crying with laughter right now. This British dude — James DeGale — just won gold over his Cuban competitor in the middleweight boxing match. I guess there was some controversy surrounding a possible biting by the Cuban boxer. They show a replay. Looks like a possible bite or hickey to me. I guess you can give someone a hickey in real life, but not in boxing. Okay. Good to know. So there are TONS of Cubans in the audience and the British dude is loudly booed during the medal ceremony. The commentator pulls him aside, congratulates him, and asks him what happened. The dude says, in a thick Cockney accent, “Listen, the geezer bit me! It was completely mad! The geezer bit me! I mean, I’m Olympic champion, but that was MAD!”

“What do you think about being booed?”

“Well, there’s Cubans everywhere in ‘ere. Wot am I supposed to do?”

“So do you think people will call you chubby or chunky anymore?”

“I don’t bloody care! I just won the Olympics!”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hurrah for crazy Cockney dude!

~ Uhm, so synchronized swimming. The US team looks great, although I have to say the whole waterproof turquoise eye shadow they’re all sporting is very Strictly Ballroom. Hellooo, Tina Spaahkle.

~ And the caps always make me think of the Mennonites.

“Ve are a plain people. Ve don’t like de modern world. But to earn de mad money, ve make swim caps for de US Synchro Swim team. Praise de Lord. Amen.”

~ Also, has anyone seen Shannon Miller’s Claritin commercial? Yikes! She’s been Jennifer Grey-ed! And, somewhere, the rest of her nose is corking a nice cabernet. Lordy. I’m glad you’re all “Claritin clear” now, Shannon, but seems like chopping your nose off would really help with the allergies, too.

~ So. Yeah.

~ Bela Karolyi wrote this post.

~ Just FYI.