Whenever NBC gives airtime to the loathsome synchronized diving, I am forced to click the channel away. Like last night. I clicked away randomly and stumbled upon the reality show that is basically American Idol for hoors: The Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious. The show works like this: A bevy of scholarly, articulate young ladies compete for spots in a hawt new girrl group — descendant of The Pussycat Dolls — called Girlicious. They sing and dance and get checked for STDs. From what I could gather, it’s a very grueling competition, chipping away at their common sense, testing their trampy mettle and whatnot. When they’re not rehearsing or competing, naturally, our girls are behind the scenes either reading The Federalist Papers, debating alternative fuel sources, or bitching about one of their fellow slatterns: “I cannot (beeping) stand Tiffani”; “Natasha is so (beeping) fat’; “Carlie’s singing is (beep),” and other such astute observations. I really hate that kind of pompous windbaggery in TV programming. It all goes over my head and makes me feel bad about myself.
At one point, the camera finds two of the young ladies alone in a bedroom. They’re sitting on the bed, whispering. Oh. I see. They’re praying. You think the Olympics are inspirational? I’m telling you, they ain’t jack compared to the heartwarming sight of two would-be strumpets calling on the Lord Jesus to bless their dubious endeavors. So uplifted was I that I immediately got out my checkbook and wrote a big fat tithe to the ongoing spiritual work of The Chicken Ranch in Nevada.
Moving. Touching. I think I may very well be changed in some fundamental way.
“Dear Jesus, please help us kick ass in this competition that angers you so. Amen.”
I LOVE that you use the term “hoors.” That may have been simply to avoid search engines, I don’t know, but my hubby and I always pronounce it just that way.
You crack me up!
You too, Nightfly. “Aw jeez, lookit dese hoors.”
Hahahahahaha!
NF — Hahahaha! The post is so much better with the Archie Bunker voice!
MM — HOORS! My inner prude really IS showing today.
I forget, are the “kick ass” petitions found in the Psalms?
We would be in so much trouble if you had cable. As in, seriously in danger of dying of laughter. VH1 alone–we’d be toast!
“It all goes over my head and makes me feel bad about myself.”
Hahahaha! You crack me up. Do you ever watch The Soup on the E! channel on Friday nights? You could square up with Joel McHale.
Kathi — No. No cable! I am trapped in the Victorian era.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates the synchro diving. The mens synchro may just be the gayest thing I ever saw on television since “Queer Eye”.
GraD — Yup.
Kate P — I think the kick-ass stuff is in Jeremiah. 😉
Ohhh, thank you for setting me straight! I’m so embarrassed–I’m one of those typical Catholics who doesn’t know the Bible. 😉
Sorry, that “doesn’t” should be a “don’t.” Listening to hours of Olympics commentary saps my grammar power.
Kate – no, you’re right. “Doesn’t” refers to “one of” and is therefore correct.