The trouble is …. well, start a “Christian” blog and there’s pressure (possibly self-inflicted, I know) to be encouraging, to be inspirational, or to be “good.” Although, statistically, I AM off the charts in these characteristics; unfortunately, it’s the wrong end of the chart. I’d like to be encouraging, but I can’t guarantee it. I’d like to be inspirational, but I’m not Oprah. (Although, I guess I COULD give away my car. Unlike Oprah’s giveaway cars, the taxes were paid on mine lo-ha-hong ago. And it just got painted. So that IS inspirational. Take that, Oprah.) And I’d really like to be “good,” but, well …. please. (Even I’m choked with laughter as I write that.)
I went back and read my shocking first post from September where I spoke about what “worship naked” means: “Being stripped bare. Emotionally. Spiritually. Stripped of personal mythologies, pretenses, facades …. etc.” What? What kind of lamebrained notion was that? Who wants to do that? I don’t want to do that. And I don’t think many others do, either. (Although, I did run across a blog yesterday where the author said, “I’m not sure I want to be a Christian anymore.” I kinda had to respect his honesty.)
However …. if I’m going to be true to my stated purpose for this blog, then I should do that which I’m terrified to do. Share honestly. Transparently. But, possibly, I’ll be judged, disliked, rejected. Someone might relate to my struggles, but someone else might think, “Well, that’s just dumb.” You never know. I remember the helpful comment I once received from a woman I’d sought out for prayer. After I’d cried into a pillow and used too much tissue sharing some painful things, she said, “Oh, is that it? I’ve heard A LOT worse.” Hmmm. Gee, thanks. Share time over!
But maybe I’ll take the chance and share here anyway. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe the thick facades we’re wrapped in keep us from growing and stretching as Christians. Or, maybe …. maybe they keep us cozy and protected in a cold, cruel world. And I do love being cozy. Maybe we don’t have to worship naked. Maybe we can just be partially nude.
How ’bout that?
(And, seriously, hats off to me for the most aimless, ambivalent post yet. Well done, me.)