Oh, honey. Hon. Please. I can’t keep being so uncomfortable watching you. Do you care nothing for meeee? Okay. It boils down to this: Whatever you’re on, you need to share it with me so I can watch you in a similar blissed-out incoherent haze.
Just now, with the Top 5. Two songs each. One hour to do it. They do one round, all five stand on stage for comments at the end of that round, then it’s on to round two. Fine. They’re up against the clock tonight. Randy goes down the line of five, giving quick comments. No problem.
Then Poorla.
She starts with Jason. She says something like, “Your first song — I loved hearing your lower register … you know …. and then your second song (which he hasn’t sung yet, mind you) was lacking your usual charm …. I think … ave maria … mondo dogface …. peaches ‘n’ herb ….”
No one speaks; she rambles on. Awkward. So awkward.
You can literally hear every sphincter in that room slam shut. I mean, I’m pretty sure that I heard that very thing. Onstage, Ryan’s face is frozen: “Whaaaa???” Everyone is clearly thinking, “What in blessed tarnation is going on here?” I mean, I’m pretty sure I heard some li’l tweener yell that very thing. Finally, mercifully, Simon barks, “Poorla. All right. Which one was your favorite?” Slowly — oh so slowly — it dawns on her they haven’t sung the second song yet.
Out of nowhere, a team from Animal Control swarms and drags her away.
I mean, I’m pretty sure I saw that very thing.
I was so uncomfortable watching her last night I changed channels every time she started speaking. Thank goodness for the toggle button on the remote. Gah!
What is her malfunction? They should can-ex her and hire someone else. Anyone else, for the love of jujubes.
Didn’t see it but have heard about it. Your description is the best by far! : )
Did they actually drag her off the stage or was that a bit of exaggeration? I have to get my AI thrills vicariously thru you 🙂
I’ve never understood the thrill of watching a “train wreck” live on tv, but obviously someone likes it or she would have been canned a long time ago…
sam — Oh, no, they didn’t actually do that. Wishful thinking on my part.
It’s weird. She has a strangely explosive chemistry with Simon and Randy seems okay with her and I think that’s why she gets to stay. Producers KNOW she’s a trainwreck, but that’s part of the draw of the show for some people. You never know what Paula is going to do or say. Someone predictable would make for boring TV.
Watching this and Top Model back to back is truly a spectacular experience. It’s like watching a classic pitcher’s duel of crazy.