I forgot to post some matchups! ack!

And now there are results already!! ACK!! ACK!!

What can I say? It’s 104 huuumid degrees here and I’ve basically become a giant beef dumpling, gently stewing in — let me look around a sec — onions, carrots, thyme and I think I saw a bay leaf floating around here, too.

So I am uncomfortable but tasty.

Still, who cares about THAT when there is The Best Thing Ever: America to tend to??

Okay. Uhm, so here we go, winners, losers!

In court action — apparently ages ago ….

PostSecret — (Svetlana Kuznetsova RUS)

EXPOSED THE SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET OF

Dean Martin (Victoria Azarenka BLR)

Later in the locker room, Dino enjoyed a post-match ciggie and was heard mumbling, “Well, Ain’t that a Kick in the Head.” Volare, Dino!!

In other court action ….

Alexander Hamilton (Agnes Szavay HUN)

AARON BURRED

The Constitution (Julia Vakulenko UKR)

The Constitution rolled off the court, pouting and whining, “‘Promote the general Welfare,’ my faded yellow butt! What about MY personal welfare!? Huh? HUH? What about THAT??”

Finally …..

Paul Bunyan — (Sahar Peer ISR)

LUMBERED OVER POOR OL’

Jazz (Agnieszka Radwanska POL)

Jazz be-bopped and scatted off to the locker room, joined Dino in a post-match ciggie, and was later found face-down drunk in a Bourbon Street brothel.

Hey, I just report the action.

Boo-Bye, Dino, Constitution, Jazz! I’m sorry!

Why, oh, why do bad things happen to good people and things? Why? Why?