The latest, latest:
*NSYNC (Justine Henin BEL)
IN TYPICAL BOY-BAND FASHION, MADE A YOUNG GIRL HAVE ALL KINDS OF HOPES AND DREAMS AND THEN RUTHLESSLY CRUSHED THEM — AND HER LEMONADE STAND, TOO — BY KNOCKING
OPPORTUNITY (Dinara Safina RUS)
OUT OF THE TOURNAMENT.
Later, though, they followed her around singing, Would you be my girlfriend? Would you be my girlfriend? Why don’t you be my girlfriend? which is just plain creepy and manipulative. Reel ‘er in, break ‘er heart, reel ‘er in, break ‘er heart. Sick, *NSYNC. SICK. Stop messing with the poor girl’s head.
Sorry, Opportunity.
Asked for comment later about their bizarre behavior, *NSYNC simply said, “Nah nah-nah nah nah. Nah nah-nah nah. Be together say Nah nah-nah nah nah nah nah.”
Which, frankly, we neither understand nor care to.
In another heartbreaker NOT brought on by *NSYNC …..
THE LIBERTY BELL (Jelena Jankovic SRB)
LOUDLY PROCLAIMED THE LIBERTY OF
AMERICAN IDOL (Sybille Bammer AUT)
ALLLL ACROSS THE FRUITED PLAIN!
Poorla’s head was cracked in the process. Luckily, she sustained no damage.
Our condolences, but sad Boo-Byes welcome, of course.
Opportunity stalked off the court, trying to push away the many reporters wishing to ask her how she “felt” about losing so early.
“How do I FEEL? How do I FEEL? How do you THINK I feel, Slappy! I didn’t have a CHANCE. I trained REALLY REALLY hard for this, and they put me up next to some stupid boy-band, who is FATED to win because they’re POPULAR.
This contest was RIGGED. I should have seen that from the start. This country only cares about you being pretty and entertaining any more – unless you’re popular, you don’t have a chance. I’m gonna go buy some lottery tickets; maybe I can win enough money to retire on.”
*NSYNC enjoyed a lap around the court, dancing all the while in their boy band style — synchronized, of course. Reporters finally tracked down the Celebrity quintet to respond to Opportunity.
JOEY: Before we respond to the accusations of us being pretty and entertaining and stuff, we’d first like to say… hit it!
*NSYNC: Wi-Yi-Yi-Yippee-Yi-Yay Yippee-Yi-Yo-Yippee-Yi-Yay for us! Wi-Yi-Yi-Yippee-Yi-Yay Yippee-Yi-Yo-Yippee-Yi-Yo. For us.
JUSTIN: But listen, y’all, we can’t help it if there were No Strings Attached to Opportunity’s racket. She shoulda checked that before the match started, yo.
*NSYNC: Giddy Up!
LANCE: Yeah, she was trash-talkin’ from the beginning, saying to me personally, “I See Right Through You.” Look, I came out last year. Because of her. Because she told me I wouldn’t lose everything, that this is the land of Her. And now she’s all talkin’ about seein’ right through me. I’m gonna get Joey to Dirty Pop her in the face.
*NSYNC: Ba-ba-baby we can’t stop!
J.C.: The Two of Us went out there, I (the collective) was Bringin’ Da Noise, bringin’ down da house, and she wasn’t.
*NSYNC: Now The Game is Over!
CHRIS: I’m just sayin’, for The Girl Who Has Everything, she’s acting a little Selfish, wantin’ ta keep herself all for herself. Dig? Yo.
*NSYNC: Dirty Pop!
JOEY: Man, it just Makes Me Ill to see her give us no props for our amazing play out on the court today. But that’s a’ight. At the end of the tournament, when they’re handing the trophy out to the winner. The person with that trophy in her hands?
*NSYNC: It’s Gonna Be Me! Bye Bye Bye!
Hahahahahahaha! Opportunity’s buying lotto tickets!!
*NSYNC!! You are some serious trash-talkin’ pretty boys.
/the land of Her./
Hahahahahahaha! Someone must stop you!!
Nobody stop me! You mustn’t!
I am now scared of sarahk.
Don’t fear sarahk. Fear *NSYNC.