is OVER!
Someone in this house abscondated with my scanner, oh, about 2 months ago? three months ago? Whatever — a long time ago — and now, finally, after much delightful wheedling on my part, the scanner is back in my hot little hands — uhm, where it never should have been in the first place, quite honestly, because I’ll just go on, all devil-may-care, and scan horrors like this:
I …. I … I …. uhm, haha …. OH SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN!! This is …. oh, I’m having palpitations. I cannot even speak — write — whatever. Okay. Calm down, Tracey.
NO!! I CANNOT!! THIS IS THE WORST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE — EVER!!!
All right. Okay.
This was a Christmas many moons ago. That’s our older nephew in my lap. His name, I believe, is Buddha. Frankly, he’s the least offensive thing in this photo, so forget about him.
Okay. Explanation #1: My dad is actually a very talented artisan. He’s done amazing stained glass and is now into woodturning. So he goes through these phases until he decides he’s mastered the craft. This, horribly, was his tie-dye phase. So guess what we all got for Christmas? On the upside, and much to our collective relief, he abandoned the craft pretty quickly after Christmas when he realized he’d already traveled to the heart of tie dye and that it was very short trip, indeed. I don’t know why or how, really, MB skated out of wearing his for all the pictures that night, but I salute him, wily little devil. Look at Tie-Dye Buddha, though. He’s about 3 months old in this photo and clearly displeased, “See what I mean about material possessions?” he seems to be exhorting us all with his wise little eyes.
Explanation #2: We start opening presents at midnight on Christmas Eve. As you can see from the tee shirt bounty, the present opening is over. We are exhausted. Or I should say, I am exhausted. MB looks like a lively little elf, frankly. But me? Look at me, poor thing. My eyes have drooped from bedroom to basset hound and my upper lip has disappeared from hours of fake smiling about our explosive tie dye extravaganza. My hair is frizzled Bride of Frankenstein. And MB …. well, MB is wearing a festive Christmas beret! Or maybe he’s in a Che Guevara phase. Which is kinda the opposite of tie dye, mon. In this photo, we are weeks from being married. And looking at it now, I just scream, “Waait! There’s still time to rethink this, you goobers! LOOOOK at her, man! She is a mess with no upper lip and basset hound eyes and frizzled Frankenstein hair who willingly poses for pictures in tie dye! She is clearly mentally compromised! And LOOK at him, honey! He is …. well, he’s not posing in tie dye, that’s for sure, so he’s probably too smart for you but, uhm, he has a distinctive nose, nyaah!! CAN YOU LIVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITH THAT? CAN YOU???”
(Oh, I just found another photo from A Very Tie-Dyed Christmas, but I don’t have time to scan it now– it’s late!)
Tomorrow, mon.
Oh Tracey, in this photo you look like my wife does sometimes when I come home from work and she’s had a particularly rough day with the kids. This look is part exhaustion and part relief and usually proceeds comments like: “This kids are yours for the rest of the night. I’m locking myself in the bedroom.”
It’s like the bright tie-dye colors have sapped your emotional strength.
“I would smile and be happy … it’s just that this purple and yellow combo is draining me of my life force!!!”
“he’d already traveled to the heart of tie dye and that it was very short trip, indeed. ”
hahahaha. One of your best lines, ever.
MB looks a little bit like Silent Bob in that photo.
I like how my horribly frizzled hair is hiding one of my mom’s many collectible plates.
Oh, and also of note: I cropped this waay down. There are Precious Moments figurines in the original, right near the plate there. But I stroked out when I saw them and they were CUT — CUT, you wretched little cherubs!
ricki — Silent Bob?? No way! MB is not fat! Or ugly!
In this photo, he was a tad furry, though.
Precious Moments! bwahahahahahahaha
Thank you…THANK you for making me laugh outloud this morning. This reminds me of my childhood growing up with an artist for a mother. I forwarded the link to her and said…does this sound familiar?
Hilarious!
Tam
MB looks vaguely revolutionary in this pic.
Viva le Tie-Dye!
Major props for using the word “wheedling” in a post. (Cutting the precious moments figurines–bless you.)
I think your hair is cute! Reminds me of myself about 13 years ago as a college freshman, tie-dye included, only my hair was a reddish brown not found in nature. . . I always made it a point to say hi to the (arch-conservative, Andrews-Sisters-loving) admissions assistant when she was showing around prospective students with their parents. Did I mention it was a very tiny R.C. college made up of at least 50% homeschoolers? Yeah, she didn’t like me much.
Lisa – hahahaha! I didn’t know Tracey knew Che…
“hours of fake smiling about our explosive tie dye extravaganza”
Oh my gosh! I love that line. Great post!
Oh, I love your self-depreciating humor. MB looks like SUCH the good sport through it all.
I kept having to scroll up to see if your words matched the descriptions. The slight delay in scrolling increased the anticipation. Bassett eyes!! HA HA HA!