a sucking hole of need

This has been going around for a long time — and I actually did it a long time ago — but forgot to post it. So here ’tis now!

Basically, you Google your name with the word “needs” after it and see what comes up. Then you post the most …. uh, interesting ones, I guess.

So.

Tracey needs to keep her little yellow mouth shut.

Tracey needs some rest.

Wow. I had no idea Google knew me so well. I mean, these are all so so true. And mostly sad. Except that one about the knitting needle roll. I mean, really, how can this be something I need when I don’t know what in tarnation a knitting needle roll is? And what’s this whole matching-CDs-with-their-cases rigmarole? I really don’t think I need to do that either, because, well, it sounds horrible and tedious and why isn’t that person doing it herself? Why should I, Tracey, help you, stranger, match your CDs and cases? What’s in it for me? Do I get a cut of your sales to this giant blob of music stores? And how much could that actually be for a bunch of crappy CDs without their cases? Frankly, this all sounds very fishy and dicey to me, like maybe you need money because you’re jonesing for a fix and I don’t know nothin’ about jonesing or fixes so don’t get me all mired in your chemical imbroglio, okay? May I remind you, too, that I’m now adhering to a strict Code of Ethics, so it really doesn’t sound like something I, Tracey, need or even should do. Plus, it’s not like you’re asking nicely. There’s no polite request here. Listen to you — telling me I “need” to do this. You know what?? You need to step off, Slappy. Seriously. Step. Off. Because I just got me some new boxing gloves “so as to kick some ass.” Or didn’t you hear?

Thaaaat’s right.

So as.