Sheila did this one a little while ago. So I just up and brung it over here. Oh, and I’ve only done a little of it because it was long and because — well, have you heard I’m opening a coffeehouse?? So I’ll do part of it now and part of it some other time. And the categories ask for “books” — plural — but sheer laziness and exhaustion rendered me unable to think of more than one for most of these. And on some of them, I didn’t even get that!
So basically, an all-’round worthwhile endeavor here.
* Worst Books Ever, or Five Hours of My Life I’ll Never Get Back:
The Deep End of the Ocean by — I don’t even remember — some chick who seriously owes me 24.95.
Also: The Bridges of Madison County by some insufferable wordy prig.
* Books I Have Lied About Reading:
War and Peace. That’s a pretty big lie, man.
* Books I Have Lied About Liking:
I think I remember fake liking War and Peace after I fake read it. Maybe I should actually read the damn thing and see if I for-real like it.
* Book-to-Movie Adaptations Where, Frankly, the Movie Was Better:
Oh. LORD. The Freakin’ Bridges of Madison Freakin’ County. I absolutely hated that book. I hated that guy, that photographer — whoever he was — I don’t even remember his name. Just thinking about it fills me up with the WHITE-HOT HATE all over again. I remember my skin literally crawling as I read that piece of crap. At one point, the guy went on and on and ON with something like: “I’M the last cowboy …. blah, blah … something else about being a bitchen cowboy …. and blaahhh … something else about why I’m such a rugged hottie man and you should love me.” He talked so DAMN much in that book. Was all puffed up about himself. It was an absolute lust buster. But then Clint Eastwood comes along — that master of few words, I love him — and makes a really fine movie from it. That movie just groaned. The whole movie is just this yawning groan of longing that starts low, soft, and grows louder and louder. It’s what’s underneath everything, what you hear but don’t hear from these two people who should be together but can’t be together. Or won’t be together because there are responsibilites and expectations and trusts. Things arranged long before this … long before the photographer and his bridges. But I swear, if you can sit and watch that scene at the end when she’s in the truck with her husband … sitting behind his truck where he’s just waiting for her at the light … waiting … waiting … and the light has turned green and he’s still waiting and her hand is on the door handle and — what is she going to do? — if you can watch that with no reaction, nothing, without crying or urging her on, yelling at her to go, something …. then — I swear — something is wrong with you.
* Books I Used to Love, of Which I Am Now Ashamed:
I can’t think of any. Why be ashamed if you loved a book? Unless it’s the two I mentioned above, then shame, shame on yooouu!
* Best Book Titles of All Time:
I love the simplicity of The Old Man and The Sea
* My Real Guilty-Pleasure Reads, and Not the Decoys I Talk About Openly:
Well, actually, that’s Martha Stewart Living.
* Books You Must Read Before You Die, but Would Rather Die Than Read:
War and Peace
* Books I Refused to Read for a Long Time Because too Many (or the Wrong) People Recommended Them:
The DaVinci Code. Won’t read it. And not for any “oh, it so offends me” reasons. Just sick of hearing about it. And I rented the movie and — Lorrrrd, so boring — now I definitely won’t read it.
* Books I Read Only After Seeing the Movie:
Uhm, none that I can think of.
* Books I Most Often Try to Persuade Other People to Read:
I’m big on Philip Yancey — as we know. But I don’t think I’m too pushy about it.
* Authors I Wish Had Written More Books Already:
Hm. I want more books by Michel Faber; I went nuts for The Crimson Petal and The White
* Overused Plot Points That Drive Me Nuts:
Well, I hate the convenient ending. So this isn’t really answering the question, but the ending of The Deep End of the Ocean where the kidnapped kid has been living down the street from his parents for, like, oh, 10 years and then just shows up on their doorstep — all co-inky-dinky — to ask to do yardwork or something? PUH-leaze. I hated that family so much. That mother, especially, who stunk up the pages of that book with her lugubrious grief and soul-sucking coldness.
Okay. Tracey tired. Tracey done now. More …. or less! …. later.
I liked the Da Vinci Code, but I can relate to your attitude about it. I haven’t seen the movie, sooo I’ll just assume the book was better.
War and Peace? snort.
Wow. Glad I never tried to read Deep End of the Ocean!! Now I never WILL try!
And yes yes yes with the adaptation of Bridges of Madison County. You are so right!! The book was unreadable, as far as I was concerned – that guy was so self-congratulatory it was sickening. But the movie? I thought it was so wonderful.
I thought it was almost unrecognizable as the same thing. I mean, I kept wondering as I watched it, “How did this come from THAT?” Just the editing of that insipid dialogue must have been a massive undertaking. I loved that, in the end, Eastwood was able to pare the story down to its essence. Because at the core is a beautiful, relatable story. It just needed someone who knew how to put it together, how to let the chord of longing play, not whine.
Missy — I couldn’t make heads or tails of that movie. I finally gave up and for the rest of the movie, became obsessed with “What the hell has happened to Tom Hanks’ face??”
There are two Clint Eastwood movies I’ll never see:
– Bridges of Madison County
– Pink Cadillac
Don’t sell the DaVinci book short based on the movie, the book is always better.
Well, “Bridges” proves that the book ISN’T always better.
But, how ’bout this, Brian? Don’t try to convince me to read The Da Vinci Code and I won’t try to convice you to see “The Bridges of Madison County.” 😉