A girl walks past us in the worst jeans ever. I mean, she needs a serious jeans intervention. We are naturally concerned.
ME (gasp, whisper): What is wrong with that girl’s ass?
HE: Yeah, it looks all flat and uneventful.
***************
After getting a free piece of chocolate from a See’s girl.
ME: So what’s the deal with See’s?
HE: I dunno. They all look like nurses. It’s like you never know if you’re gonna get chocolate or an enema.
***************
ME (singing, annoyingly, I’m sure):
It’s a bushel of flavor/ a smile when you’re down/ a tuba to oom-pah-pah/ a pretty girl to ooh-la-la/ Fanta, Fanta!/ It’s a bottle of fun!
Hey — whatever happened to Fanta? Do they still make Fanta?
HE: Yeah. But it’s like the soccer of soda.
***************
We need to keep each other up on the latest, you know.
ME (putting on makeup): I really need some of that cow teat hand cream.
HE (uhm, responding from the bathroom): My pee smells like tomato basil soup.
See, this is why we have each other. No one else would take us.
it is quite devastating to witness the wearing of such terrible jeans – large bladder hump in the front, smooth as a ski slope in the back, and actually a little concave. were they stone washed? with zippers at the tapered ankle?
i don’t think it can get much worse than that.
also, gross about the pee.
your last tidbit is one of the many reasons i love being married. you made me smile!
an uneventful ass!! hahahahahahaha
hahahaha to the “Fanta as the soccer of soda” remark. That is SO TRUE, now with the “Fanta girls” (or whatever they are) going all Euro-trashy in the ads.
I don’t drink Fanta*. I knew someone in high school who called it “Nazi soda,” apparently it was available in Germany during WWII (as a German replacement for Coca-Cola), and therefore, the unfortunate association.
(*Well, I don’t drink soda period but I especially don’t drink Fanta)
Hysterical! I’d love to swap (theoretical!) recordings from each of our houses. You wouldn’t belieeeeve some of the stuff that goes on. Too much. Makes you thankful for a soulmate, doesn’t it?
That’s beautiful. You are wonderfully happy, you know that? You glow through the blog – and it’s not just because I sit reallllllly close to the screen, either – you really glow!
If Fanta is the soccer of soda, then Shasta must be like team handball or something. (Fresca = Badminton. Always has, always will.)
NF — You are sweet. And Fresca — ooh, I love Fresca. And badminton, actually. 😉
So a question:
Coke is (what sport) of soda?
Pepsi is (what sport) of soda?
Anyone?
I say: Coke is the football of soda. Pepsi is the baseball of soda. Am I wrong here?
Someone please categorize sports/sodas for me so I can move on.
OH. MY. GOSH. I laughed SO HARD on the last one. I was snickering already on the other ones, and that just pushed me over the edge.
Wow, you (and he) make me laugh.
At least he didn’t eat asparagus. Wow, that makes your pee REEK.
Ditto on the asparagus, ASM.
I think you’re right on the soda classification, Tracey. This would make Dr Pepper the ice hockey of soda – niche taste, but completely awesome.
I agree on the DP/Hockey combo, Nightfly.
Also, both used to be geographically confined. Not much hockey in the South, not much DP in the North. Both have spread throughout the country.
Have you had a Dublin Dr. Pepper? That’s still pretty regional. But, NECTAR OF THE GODS.