Category: the banshee(s)

Here they are ….. well, were, about 6 weeks ago, I think. BB is 4 months old this week. B is four. We visited yesterday afternoon, and I have to say, that BB is completely crushing on Uncle Beloved which is so nice to see. My sister’s kids — who all adore their uncle now — screamed bloody murder whenever he came near them for about the first year of their lives. So I held BB for a bit first and she was kinda squirmy, fussy, etc. Then I asked MB if he wanted to hold her and he hesitated a bit, saying, “Well, I don’t want her to start screaming.” (He is clearly a haunted soul, poor man.) But I handed her over and — KABAM! — I’m telling you, that kid was instantly in love with him. Snuggled right up to him and couldn’t stop staring at him. I know the feeling. It’s a bit poignant for us, because with her coloring — dark hair, blue eyes, pale skin, very red cheeks — she could be MB’s kid. She looks so much like baby photos of him. Even her parents were commenting on that. MB said, “Maybe we have a connection because we have the same birthday.” Must be. There was definitely some kind of magic between those two. My heart was bursting from the bittersweetness of it all.

After we were done ogling and clucking over the baby, The Banshee needed to show us how well she reads and writes. Yes, she reads and writes. She’s four. Whatevs. Then it was time in her play kitchen where she made coffee “just for you, Tee Tee” and cooked whole eggs and banana peels in her oven at 475 degrees. Yummy. Then it was time for chasin’ and ticklin’. As I came after her, she ran away screaming and jumping and tried to save herself with “But you’re a wizard, Tee Tee!”

“Good! I’m a tickle wizard! How did you know?”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

She sprinted for the safety of the sofa. But …. it was too late. I was closing in on her. She squirmed and squealed, “But, Tee Tee, you can’t be that! Wizards turn things into other things with magic!”

(See how she likes to argue her case? Be contrarian at all times? She is The Banshee, Attorney-at Law. The Banshee, Esq.)

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, then ….. watch closely.”

I was inches from her face now and began to blow very gently on her face.

“Feel that?”

“Uh-huhhh.”

Somehow my blowing froze her in place. (I AM a wizard.) I continued to talk softly, blowing in between words.

“Now watch …… as my breath turns into ……”

I kissed her on the cheek.

“…. a kiss. See? Magic.”

She stared at me, silent and big-eyed and smiling a slow, skeptical smile, wondering if it could actually be true: Did Tee Tee the Tickle Wizard truly vanquish The Banshee with one little kiss?

Bah. Impossible.

Well, it’s happy birthday to MB!

Annnnnnd …….

Happy birthday to our brand new niece, The Banshee’s little sister, born just this afternoon!

Welcome to our family, Banshee Jr.!!

On Sunday, we went up to visit my brother and his very-pregnant wife. Naturally, The Banshee, now 3, was there. At one point, she sang us a very loud, word-for-word perfect version of that kiddy-pleasing song from “Annie”: Tomorrow.

Then she looked at me and said, “Okay. Now you sing me a song you know, Tee Tee.”

Now I know lots of musicals. Lots. Still, the only thing that leapt to mind was:

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd
His skin was pale and his eye was odd
He shaved the faces of gentlemen
Who never thereafter were heard of again

Okay. No, Tracey. She’s 3. Don’t sing that to her now. I mean, you gotta wait til she’s going to bed to get the full impact on that.

So I fast-forwarded my brain to the next musical:

JUST DON’T
SAY I’M
DAA-AA-AA-AAAAMNED
FO-OR
AA-ALL
TI-I-IMME!!!!

Hm. Cheery. Your moodypants are showing, Trace.

The Banshee was staring at me, all blonde and big-eyed, so I just opened up my mouth and sang the first thing that came randomly into my morbid little head:

The moon’ll come out
Next Thursday
Betcher bottom penny
That next Thursday,
There’ll be moon.
Just thinkin’ about
Next Thursday
Clears away the dishes and the toothpaste
Til there’s none.
When I’m stuck with a day (okay, I shoulda changed that noun, gimme a break)
That’s pink and purple
I just stick out my toe
And scowl
And SCREEEEEAM!!

Then the big finale:

NEXT THURSDAY
NEXT THURSDAY
I LOVE YA
NEXT THURSDAY
YOU’RE ALWAYS
SEVERAL DAAAAAAYS
AAAAAA
WAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I thought The Banshee was gonna have a stroke from laughing. She loved it. “Sing it again, Tee Tee! Sing it again!”

I sang that damn thing 4 times. What have I done to her??

My incorrigible 3-year-old niece.

Ready?

Quotes:

~ “I really gotta poop! It’s already coming out!! Mommmmy!”
Banshee, running to the bathroom, cupping her butt.

~ “Ohmanohmanohmanohmanohmanohmannn!”
Banshee, seconds later, groaning one loud extended poo groan. The kid can project.

Later that same trip …..

TEE TEE: Who did your pigtails, Banshee? Was it daddy?

TEE TEE’S BROTHER/DADDY: (Nodding his head with a grin)

BANSHEE: No! NO, DADDY!! Mommy did it! You didn’t do it!

TEE TEE: (uhm, jumping offa this imminent trainwreck)

BANSHEE MOMMY: (piling on, who knows why?) Yeah, Banshee. What did Daddy just do?

BANSHEE: He LIEDDD!

TEE TEE: (bug-eyed)

BANSHEE: You shouldn’t LIE, Daddy!!

BANSHEE MOMMY: Yeah, Daddy. Banshee, who doesn’t like lying?

BANSHEE: JESUS!!

TEE TEE: Sheesh, Banshee Mommy. Way to throw Daddy under the bus.

Later ……

Banshee was fiddling with her Fisher-Price plastic bakery storefront that she’d been forcing us all to patronize. Cupcakes. Cookies. Fruit. Popcorn. All massively overpriced considering it was plastic and inedible and all. It was near her bedtime, so she flipped the “Open” sign over. “See the sign, Tee Tee? We’re closed!” Then she paused for a moment. “Well … do you think maybe I should just pretend to be open?”

“You mean, as opposed to actually being open?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Okay.”

And at any given moment …..

ANYONE: Banshee, you need to get dressed.

BANSHEE: No!

ANYONE: Banshee, we’re leaving now.

BANSHEE: I don’t wanna!

ANYONE: Oooh, I like your bunny.

BANSHEE: It’s a doggie!

ANYONE: Oswald acted alone.

BANSHEE: NO! There had to be a second shooter on the grassy knoll!!

And, etc. …… ad infinitum …

The Banshee, New Year’s Eve. Cute, huh? Sweet, huh? Looks all cuddly, huh?

Well, then there are those moments. Later that evening, my sister-in-law, who was nursing a headache, said to my brother, “Oh, S, will you come over and give my head a good rub for a few minutes?”

He agreed and moments later, from her spot on the floor, The Banshee narrowed her eyes at them and demanded, “No, Daddy. Don’t give mommy a good rub; give her a BAD rub!”

I just stared at her and watched as her head started sloooowly spinning ’round atop her spine.

I love her, but ….. wellll, let’s just say I hope she uses her powers for good someday.

Pop Pop (to The Banshee — uhm, 2 1/2 — who has her thumb and blanket corner in her mouth): Come onnn. Lemme see your thumb.

The Banshee (exasperated): Well, it’s jus’ a thumb and I need it there so I can suck on my blanket.

DUH, Pop Pop.

Snippets from my afternoon with The Banshee. I’d spent my entire morning at The Beanhouse right before this. Let’s just say I was a little frazzled already.

I walked into my brother’s house and Banshee’s Uncle Chad was there. (My sister-in-law’s brother.) He was there to cover until I could actually get there. Uncle Chad is a newly minted lawyer in his mid-ish 20’s. He looks 15, like a precious little boy. He welcomed me with these huge eyes and pale face and began moving for the front door the minute I walked in. Banshee was eating her lunch. And before poor Uncle Chad could make it to the front door, she blurted:

“Chad on’y played with me for two minutes!”

Chad had already disappeared around the corner in his attempt to escape. But there was a pause and then, “Now, wait a minute, Banshee.”

Haha. The lawyer had kicked in. He came back around the corner. I just stood and watched and ate a banana. Not my problem.

He kept going.

“How many books did I read you?”

He was actually arguing his case with a 2-year-old. I kinda loved him right then.

“Uhh ….. four,” Banshee said to her plate.

“Right.”

And he kept GOING! “And how many stories were there altogether?”

“Uhhh ….. I finnnk …. six.”

“That’s right. So don’t be saying I didn’t play with you.”

Banshee’s head slumped towards the table. Chad had cross-examined her into submission and near-unconsciousness. God help me — it was a thoroughly satisfying moment.

He looked at me, utterly spent. “I gotta go.”

“Of course. I understand.”

He walked out the door, closing it a little harder than necessary, but I understood. I really did. I folded my banana peel — I always fold my banana peels — and tossed it in the trash while The Banshee began babbling about Halloween. I plopped in the chair next to her, pretended to be listening while muttering about the lack of coffee in the house. Then she chirped:

“Next is Fanksgiving!!”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

Her face fell, all the sorrow a 2-year-old could muster.

“But …. we doan have any food.”

They have plenty of food.

Split seconds later, brightness again.

“Fanksgiving means we get to watch football and take naps!!!!”

I exploded into laughter. My stomach hurt. Her little face. Those big blue eyes. She was SO EXCITED about the killer combo of football and naps. My brother’s prints were all over this one, I knew that. But I could not stop laughing, barely choked out my words:

“Banshee, do you like football?”

“YEAH!”

“Do you like naps??”

“YEAH!!”

(Are you in a cult? Have you been brainwashed? Are you now an Operating Thetan? WHERE is The Banshee???)

“Wow. Then that’s gonna be a GREAT day for you.”

“Uh-huh,” she agreed, munching on her peanut butter burrito.

“Tee Tee?”

“Yes, Banshee?”

“Mommy and daddy always tell me to smile. But you doan tell me to smile.”

“Do you WANT me to tell you to smile?”

“Noo.”

“All right.”

“Tee Tee, how come you doan tell me to smile?”

“Because I think a person should smile when they WANT to smile. Do they tell you to smile because they’re taking your picture, maybe?”

“Yeaah.”

“Okay. Well, you do have a pretty smile, Banshee.”

“Yeaah.”

Bite of burrito.

“Tee Tee, why are you wearing your hair in a tail?”

“Oh, just to keep it out of my face.”

“You should wear it down.”

“I should, huh?”

“Yeah, you should wear it down for Unca B(eloved).”

Spoonful of applesauce.

“I ready for my nap now.”

“Okay. I’m ready for my nap, too.”