tracey’s busy calendar

Remember recently I found a bunch of old calendars that I kept as sketchy journals of my life? Well, now I’ve stumbled across some steno pads from the same period that I used as journals too. My choices back then simply oozed elegance: Flimsy spiral calendar stuffed in a Christmas stocking? “This’ll make a cool JOURNAL!” Pocket-sized day planner with dad’s name embossed on it and words to live by for each new day? “JOUR-NALLL!” Steno pads used for notetaking in theatre classes? “MORE awesome journals! And I can write in them when I get bored in class!”

But the steno pads have more detail. I imagine it’s only because the pages were bigger. Page size basically forced me to be a bit more expansive than:

“DF called today to bug me. He succeeded.”

Still, these entries are bare cupboards compared to Sheila’s horns o’ plenty. But, again, with her blessing, we persevere, even in lack.

So where we last left off, I was making an ASS of myself at the big LUAU at church, all for the undying love of some guy named Kirk — of whom I have only the vaguest recollection. He never once appeared to give a rip about me and yet there I was, stubbornly relying on antics with citrus fruits to win his heart.

All right. This steno pad entry is a couple days before the big LUAU debacle. The way I talk here …. my overuse of the word “somewhat.” I was obsessed with adverbs, but I think I just thought I was British.

Aug. 10 ~

Went to Bible study tonight and found it to be somewhat non-stimulating. (Not a word, Trace. Not very British of you.) The speaker was basically no good and S (sister) and I were both somewhat bummed that Kirk and Mark the Sailor weren’t there. (“Mark the Sailor” was a guy my sister was deeply in love with, like me with Kirk.) I don’t know why it should matter, though. I’m here for what? Another 3 weeks? What possible dent could that make in getting to know someone? Especially someone like Kirk C. I mean — and here come all the paranoid fears — he seems to know SO many people already, what difference will one new one make? (I do not even get that.) Plus, he’s so witty, I would probably make a bad impression (this is PRE-lime, now), as I did last week when I did my …. (Okay, I’m sorry to keep interrupting, but the page ends right there and I have no idea WHAT is coming next. Let’s find out together, shall we? British.)

…. dumb Polish accent!!

(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Oh, God in Heaven, NOW I remember! Oh, no no no no NO. Okay. Here’s the backstory. A bunch of us in the drama department had been obsessed with Meryl Streep that year. We rented a bunch of her movies — I remember specifically “Plenty,” “The French Lieutenant’s Woman,” and, oh, yes, “Sophie’s Choice.” This was several years after the movie had come out, but still, I decided it would be cool to walk around sounding and acting like Sophie. Oh, sweet Lord. I remember. I did the voice for anyone who asked. I did the voice for anyone who DIDN’T ask. I just … did the voice. And I was brilliant, of course. And people LOVED it, of course. I mean, who doesn’t want to hear some presumptuous little drama major walk about breathless and sighing, “Stingo is a grreat loverr” ALL THE TIME??)

All right. Trying to finish:

Man, I really wanted him to like it and he just walked away. I mean, he commented on it (What? What did he say??) and then he walked away. Then on Sunday, he did not even speak to me — of course, he did not exactly have the chance to. (Yeah, that’s why, Tracey.) And then he’s not even there this evening. I know I should not be banking on something, (Um, ya think?) but for ONCE in my life I would like to know the feeling of having something I want to happen with the opposite sex happen and not let me down ROYALLY. (Nice sentence.)

I also want to return to school being able to know that not all guys are like the MANIACS I’ve known in the DRAMA DEPT.!!

(Um, there’s only one thing to say at this point: Stingo is a grreat loverr.)