Because it’s really, uhm, not, the little posts below are about last night’s American Idol premiere — which took place in Philadelphia, not San Diego as I said earlier. Oops! San Diego auditions will be aired next week, I hear.
princess leia
Black double-bun hair. Black polka-dot shirt. Black hotpants. Star Wars belt. Black fishnets. Black lace-up boots. Need I say more? When it’s over, she sobs on her grandparents’ shoulders, says a few choice swears, gets shushed by her grandparents, and loses one of her buns.
prediction
Poorla’s new boy toy is a pretty young black fellow named Chris.
Just sayin’ is all.
paul with the wide hips
Sings his love song for Poorla:
“There is this girl I know, I follow her around, I broke into her house, took off all my clothes and tried on her underwear. I really think that I love her. I’m not much of a talker, so I guess I’ll just stalk her. If she were a dog, I’d think that I would walk her, if she were Colombo, I’d Peter Falk her, if she were a bathtub, I’d caulk her.”
Simon: “I really think you should leave. You’re creepy. There’s something off about you. Get out of here.”
Amen, Simon. Ew.
the dude with the glasses and the fuzzy leopard vest
Milo. Stumpy, balding, 39, so overage for the competition. Looks like Woody Allen and George Costanza had a love child. Ryan lets him in anyway to share the song he wrote: No Sex Allowed, complete with weird little marching steps. “Sex is weak but love is strong, yeah …. No sex allowed! ….. if you don’t like it, just get outta town.” And so he did.
alexis
The girl who looks like Willem Dafoe, according to Simon. And you know, he’s not necessarily wrong. She does a Grace Slick imitation, the judges decline, and she begins to pontificate all over the place, flipping the camera off, wildly declaring how she wants to leave with her dignity, how, screw it, she’s “gonna go for actressing now.” Okay, Willem.
the dude who sang “go down, moses”
“Errrrwaraaaraaaaerrrwahaaaa, let my pippa go …… errrrrwahawaraaaahaaaraaa …. let my pippa go …… go don Moses …. errrrhaaamaaaawahaahaawaaaaa ….. let my pippa go.”
My favorite so far. Pippa.
“i would like to sing mr. the bee gees”
Said the Egyptian dude to the judges.
“ai” — american idol
Premiere tonight. They’ve tinkered with the show, I hear, which is probably good, because last year was a bit of a bore.
And keeping San Diego in this week’s news, I believe that the premiere tonight starts with auditions here. It’s America’s Finest City, don’t you know. I seem to remember hearing that when AI came to SD back in July. So, of course, I have to watch. Maybe I’ll see one of the crazies from Boheme auditioning, in which case it will be my duty to report it to you, of course. 😉
poem
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep Hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.