elephant art

I know that somewhere ’round here I mentioned buying some elephant art when we were in Thailand a few years ago. The piece itself is too large for me to scan or to get a decent picture of, otherwise I’d post it here. BUT I was so excited to find the elephant art site recently — complete with profiles of all the elephant artists, including Wan Pen, the elephant who painted our piece. (We know this because when we purchased the piece, they gave us a card with the artist’s name, picture, and bio. I loved that. So much fun.)

The organization is called The Asian Elephant Art and Conservation Project and here is a link directly to Wan Pen’s page. Scroll down and you can see examples of her work. When we bought our piece, I think she was fairly new to her artistic endeavors. Looking at her recent pieces, I can see she still likes flowers and red and green — ours has some yellow, too — but the flowers on ours are more primitive, not as flowing and easy. She’s grown as an artist! Haha. Also — note the prices on those paintings. $600-650. Wow. Uhm, we paid 25 dollars American. Granted, we had to fly to Thailand for 18 hours and throw up on a plane and such, but still. Pretty big price differential, no? Notice the names of other elephant artists on the side bar there, too. I spent some time over the weekend clicking on all of those artists, reading their bios and checking out their work. Some of the bios crack me up, talking about the elephant’s personality and phobias: “He’s afraid of chickens.” “She’s afraid of cats.” Like this one:

Confident and outgoing as she is, Boombim does have one fear: dragonflies. She does not like taking baths in the river when there are many dragonflies around, but she is brave when she must be. Boombim deals with her phobia by immersing her entire body in the water, head included, in order to avoid the dragonflies.

Poor Boombim! I cannot stop picturing her dunking her massive self under water to avoid some flitty little dragonflies. Why does that make me so weirdly happy?

If you click on some different elephants, be sure to scroll down their page to check out their work. I’m still amazed at the different styles, just as I was when we visited the Maesa Elephant Camp. (Click around to find elephants from that particular camp.) We actually got to watch the elephants as they were painting and their styles ran the gamut: Impressionist elephants. Pointillist elephants. Abstract elephants. And they all really got into it. Dancing around a bit. “Smiling.” Totally focused on their canvases. They seemed to completely love what they were doing. I remember standing there thinking, “I am watching an elephant paint. An elephant is PAINTING.” Maybe the Creator has hardwired all his creations to CREATE. That thought has never left me since witnessing that. It was a truly surreal joy to watch.

Anyway, I link to this to share some of that joy with you. Click around on the different elephants. You will so enjoy it.

for cara

Update on the recent fatal shark attack in SD. Because Cara needs to know, basically.

This totally creeps me out. Just don’t be swimming around out there looking like you’re threatening the shark’s food sources, ‘mkay?

I saw this story on the news yesterday evening and the shark expert said it’s interesting to note that all the rescuers — the other men swimming with Dr. Martin, about 7 of them, I think? — were unhurt. He’s never known an incident where any rescuers have ever been attacked.

Lessons:

— Don’t threaten the shark’s food sources, i.e., don’t swim around with sea lion hanging from your mouth.

— Be a rescuer at all times. Never swim in the ocean unless you’re rescuing someone.

Everyone clear? I’m just looking out for you is all.

jammies, headbands, and doorknobs

A couple of days ago.

It’s late in the afternoon, 5:30, 5:45. It’s been a long day. I’ve changed into something comfy and plopped myself down on the couch with my laptop. The blinds to our living room are open slightly so I can see as this woman walks by, dressed in a dark blue suit, headed for a neighbor’s unit. I mean, I don’t know her so I figure she’s not coming here. Seconds later, though, she ambles up to our door. I start to click through what this could be about: Maybe she’s a J-Dub and I can mess with her head just like Jesus (aka the archangel Michael) would do or Maybe she’s one of those people I’ve prayed for who unclogs your toilet then gives you a massage or Maybe she’s with Hillary’s campaign and I can mess with her head just like Jesus would do.

So many possibilities. I am tingly with anticipation for at least three seconds. But, eh, it passes, and then I just wait for the knock on the door so I can sit and ignore it, like I usually do. I hate answering the door. Especially an unexpected knock on the door. In my experience, nothing good ever comes of it. Will it be a free puppy? Will it be Ed McMahon with a giant check the size of my doorway? No. No, it won’t. It will just be someone who wants something that I don’t want to give and I just want to be left alone with my snowglobe jammie bottoms and Stretchy, my comforting headband.

But there is no knock. Nope. The woman in the suit doesn’t knock. No, she doesn’t. Instead, she jiggles the doorknob. For several seconds.

What?

Luckily, the door is locked. It’s always locked if I’m inside because I live in southern California and I’m not completely stupid. But what if I didn’t keep the door locked? What if I was like my in-laws and never locked the door, ever, even at night when zombies stagger across the countryside hoping to kill you and eat your brains? I mean, can you imagine if she’d just been able to walk in on me sitting with my laptop in my snowglobe jammie bottoms and Stretchy, my comforting headband? Gah. She would have been so embarrassed for me.

Heart pounding a little, I watch her whilst Stretchy comforts me. She stands at the door for a moment after her unsuccessful jiggle then stomps away.

Phew. Home break-in and awkward social moment averted.

Moments later, though, I see her on the walkway again. She moseys up to our door again. Jiggles the doorknob for several seconds, again.

What the ??

Now I’m just annoyed. I don’t like random Betties trying to break into my house. Especially dishonest random Betties who try to disguise their felonious ways under an uptight blue suit and cover of daylight. I watch her again. She stands there for another moment, starts to walk away. But I jump up, gird my loins, and bound to the door, ready to confront my would-be felon.

I open the door, call to her back, “Uh, ma’am? Why do you you keep trying to come into my house?”

She turns around. “Oh. Uh …… well …. uhm, well, I’m looking for the lockbox for Unit 1.”

We’re Unit 2.

She walks closer, keeps talking. “I mean, it’s for rent and I thought, well, I uh —”

I slam the door in her face. Wham. Just like that. I don’t say anything else. I don’t need to or want to. Because I suddenly remember that I am standing in front of this blue-suited woman in my snowglobe jammie bottoms and Stretchy, my comforting headband.

Oh, and my aqua blue refining face mask.

Bet I don’t have to worry about her knocking on my door again.

your birthday a la the french republican calendar!! eh??

I get interested in weird stuff sometimes. I was reading Marie Antoinette by Antonia Fraser a while back and it mentioned what you see below here — the French Republican Calendar, a calendar used for about 13 years during the French Revolution, starting in 1793. Anyhoo, I began reading up on it for some unfathomable reason and I thought it was kinda fun, quaint, weird, etc.

The calendar begins on the autumn equinox with 12 months of 30 days each. The names of the months are based on nature. (Weeks are 10 days long, hours had 100 minutes, and I cannot even begin to explain how seconds were counted. I beg you do not ask.) Each calendar day is associated with either an animal, for days ending in 5; a tool, for days ending in 0; or a mineral or plant for all other days. You might notice the calendar year ends on September 16. The remaining 5 days were called Complementary Days and were national holidays. Woo hoo.

Today is Monday and Mondays are tiresome, so I thought it would be kinda fun, quaint, weird if we figured out our birthdays according to the French Republican Calendar.

‘Sfun, I say!!

Okay. Directions: Scroll down and find your birth season and month. Note the dates the month encompasses — they’re in the parentheses. You must start your count from the first date in the parentheses. Don’t start with 1. Start with the first number in the parentheses. (Disregard the 1-30 on the left there.) BUT remember: There are 30 days in every month. Don’t count 31.

For instance, let’s do mine: July 31. Doesn’t exist on this calendar, really, so it converts to 1. So I was born on Abricot (As in apricot, yummy) in the month of Thermidor. (As in lobster, yummy.) May you be born on something equally delicious.

Also, if you were born on one of the Complementary Days in September, here are your special days, pookums:

Sept. 17: La Fête de la Vertu “Celebration of Virtue”
Sept. 18: La Fête du Génie “Celebration of Talent”
Sept. 19: La Fête du Travail “Celebration of Labour”
Sept. 20: La Fête de l’Opinion “Celebration of Convictions”
Sept. 21: La Fête des Récompenses “Celebration of Honors (Awards)”

Do try not to get a big head about it.

Okay. So. Put your birth date in the comments — no year necessary — do the conversion and tell us your French Republican Birthday! No lopping of heads required, I promise.

READY. GO.

AUTUMN
Vendémiaire — “grape harvest” (Sep 22 ~ Oct 21)

1. Raisin (Grape)
2. Safran (Saffron)
3. Châtaigne (Chestnut)
4. Colchique (Crocus)
5. Cheval (Horse)
6. Balsamine (Impatiens)
7. Carotte (Carrot)
8. Amarante (Amaranth)
9. Panais (Parsnip)
10. Cuve (Vat)
11. Pomme de terre (Potato)
12. Immortelle (Strawflower)
13. Potiron (Calabaza)
14. Réséda (Mignonette)
15. Âne (Donkey)
16. Belle de nuit (The four o’clock flower)
17. Citrouille (Pumpkin)
18. Sarrasin (Buckwheat)
19. Tournesol (Sunflower)
20. Pressoir (Wine-Press)
21. Chanvre (Hemp)
22. Pêche (Peach)
23. Navet (Turnip)
24. Amaryllis (Amaryllis)
25. Bœuf (Cow)
26. Aubergine (Eggplant)
27. Piment (Chili Pepper)
28. Tomate (Tomato)
29. Orge (Barley)
30. Tonneau (Barrel)

Brumaire — “fog” (Oct 22 ~ Nov 20)
1. Pomme (Apple)
2. Céleri (Celery)
3. Poire (Pear)
4. Betterave (Beet root)
5. Oie (Goose)
6. Héliotrope (Heliotrope)
7. Figue (Fig)
8. Scorsonère (Black Salsify)
9. Alisier (Chequer Tree)
10. Charrue (Plough)
11. Salsifis (Salsify)
12. Macre (Water chestnut)
13. Topinambour (Jerusalem Artichoke)
14. Endive (Endive)
15. Dindon (Turkey)
16. Chervis (Skirret)
17. Cresson (Watercress)
18. Dentelaire (Leadworts)
19. Grenade (Pomegranate)
20. Herse (Harrow)
21. Bacchante (Asarum baccharis)
22. Azerole (Acerola)
23. Garance (Madder)
24. Orange (Orange)
25. Faisan (Pheasant)
26. Pistache (Pistachio)
27. Macjonc (Tuberous pea)
28. Coing (Quince)
29. Cormier (Service tree)
30. Rouleau (Roller)

Frimaire — “frost” (Nov 21 ~ Dec 20)
1. Raiponce (Rampion)
2. Turneps (Turnip)
3. Chicorée (Chicory)
4. Nèfle (Medlar)
5. Cochon (Pig)
6. Mâche (Corn Salad)
7. Chou-fleur (Cauliflower)
8. Miel (Honey)
9. Genièvre (Juniper)
10. Pioche (Pickaxe)
11. Cire (Wax)
12. Raifort (Horseradish)
13. Cèdre (Cedar tree)
14. Sapin (Fir tree)
15. Chevreuil (Roe Deer)
16. Ajonc (Gorse)
17. Cyprès (Cypress Tree)
18. Lierre (Ivy)
19. Sabine (Juniper)
20. Hoyau (Grub-hoe)
21. Érable sucré (Maple Tree)
22. Bruyère (Heather)
23. Roseau (Reed plant)
24. Oseille (Sorrel)
25. Grillon (Cricket)
26. Pignon (Pinenut)
27. Liège (cork)
28. Truffe (Truffle)
29. Olive (Olive)
30. Pelle (shovel)

WINTER
Nivôse — “snow” (Dec 21 ~ Jan 19)

1. Tourbe (Peat)
2. Houille (Coal)
3. Bitume (Bitumen)
4. Soufre (Sulphur)
5. Chien (Dog)
6. Lave (Lava)
7. Terre végétale (Topsoil)
8. Fumier (Manure)
9. Salpêtre (Saltpeter)
10. Fléau (Flail)
11. Granit (Granite stone)
12. Argile (Clay)
13. Ardoise (Slate)
14. Grès (Sandstone)
15. Lapin (Rabbit)
16. Silex (Flint)
17. Marne (Marl)
18. Pierre à chaux (Limestone)
19. Marbre (Marble)
20. Van (Winnowing basket)
21. Pierre à plâtre (Gypsum)
22. Sel (Salt)
23. Fer (Iron)
24. Cuivre (Copper)
25. Chat (Cat)
26. Étain (Tin)
27. Plomb (Lead)
28. Zinc (Zinc)
29. Mercure (Mercury (metal))
30. Crible (Sieve)

Pluviôse — “rain” (Jan 20 ~ Feb 18)
1. Lauréole (Spurge-laurel)
2. Mousse (Moss)
3. Fragon (Butcher’s Broom)
4. Perce-neige (Snowdrop)
5. Taureau (Bull)
6. Laurier-thym (Laurustinus)
7. Amadouvier (Tinder polypore)
8. Mézéréon (Daphne mezereum)
9. Peuplier (Poplar Tree)
10. Coignée (Axe)
11. Ellébore (Hellebore)
12. Brocoli (Broccoli)
13. Laurier (Laurel)
14. Avelinier (Cob or filbert)
15. Vache (Cow)
16. Buis (Box Tree)
17. Lichen (Lichen)
18. If (Yew tree)
19. Pulmonaire (Lungwort)
20. Serpette (Billhook)
21. Thlaspi (Pennycress)
22. Thimelé (Rose Daphne)
23. Chiendent (Couch Grass)
24. Trainasse (Knotweed)
25. Lièvre (Hare)
26. Guède (Woad)
27. Noisetier (Hazel)
28. Cyclamen (Cyclamen)
29. Chélidoine (Celandine)
30. Traîneau (Sleigh)

Ventôse — “wind” (Feb 19 ~ Mar 20)
1. Tussilage (Coltsfoot)
2. Cornouiller (Dogwood)
3. Violier (Matthiola)
4. Troène (Privet)
5. Bouc (Billygoat)
6. Asaret (Wild Ginger)
7. Alaterne (Buckthorn)
8. Violette (Violet (plant))
9. Marceau (Goat Willow)
10. Bêche (Spade)
11. Narcisse (Narcissus)
12. Orme (Elm Tree)
13. Fumeterre (Common fumitory)
14. Vélar (Hedge Mustard)
15. Chèvre (Goat)
16. Épinard (Spinach)
17. Doronic (Large-flowered Leopard’s Bane)
18. Mouron (Pimpernel)
19. Cerfeuil (Chervil)
20. Cordeau (Twine)
21. Mandragore (Mandrake)
22. Persil (Parsley)
23. Cochléaria (Scurvy-grass)
24. Pâquerette (Daisy)
25. Thon (Tuna)
26. Pissenlit (Dandelion)
27. Sylve (Forest)
28. Capillaire (Maidenhair fern)
29. Frêne (Ash Tree)
30. Plantoir (Dibber: a hand gardening tool)

SPRING
Germinal — “germination” (Mar 21 ~ Apr 19)

1. Primevère (Primrose)
2. Platane (Plane Tree)
3. Asperge (Asparagus)
4. Tulipe (Tulip)
5. Poule (Hen)
6. Bette (Chard Plant)
7. Bouleau (Birch Tree)
8. Jonquille (Daffodil)
9. Aulne (Alder)
10. Couvoir (Hatchery)
11. Pervenche (Periwinkle)
12. Charme (Ironwood)
13. Morille (Morel)
14. Hêtre (Beech Tree)
15. Abeille (Bee)
16. Laitue (Lettuce)
17. Mélèze (Larch)
18. Ciguë (Hemlock)
19. Radis (Radish)
20. Ruche (Hive)
21. Gainier (Judas tree)
22. Romaine (Lettuce)
23. Marronnier (Chestnut Oak)
24. Roquette (Arugula or Rocket)
25. Pigeon (Pigeon)
26. Lilas (Lilac)
27. Anémone (Anemone)
28. Pensée (Pansy)
29. Myrtille (Blueberry)
30. Greffoir (Knife)

Floréal — “flowering” (Apr 20 ~ May 19)
1. Rose (Rose)
2. Chêne (Oak Tree)
3. Fougère (Fern)
4. Aubépine (Hawthorn)
5. Rossignol (Nightingale)
6. Ancolie (Columbine)
7. Muguet (Lily of the Valley)
8. Champignon (Button mushroom)
9. Hyacinthe (Hyacinth)
10. Râteau (Rake)
11. Rhubarbe (Rhubarb)
12. Sainfoin (Sainfoin)
13. Bâton-d’or (Wallflower)
14. Chamérops (Palm tree)
15. Ver à soie (Silkworm)
16. Consoude (Comfrey)
17. Pimprenelle (Salad Burnet)
18. Corbeille d’or (Basket of Gold)
19. Arroche (Orache)
20. Sarcloir (Garden hoe)
21. Statice (Sea Lavender)
22. Fritillaire (Fritillary)
23. Bourrache (Borage)
24. Valériane (Valerian)
25. Carpe (Carp)
26. Fusain (Spindle (shrub))
27. Civette (Chive)
28. Buglosse (Bugloss)
29. Sénevé (Wild mustard)
30. Houlette (Shepherd’s crook)

Prairial — “pasture” (May 20 ~ Jun 18)
1. Luzerne (Alfalfa)
2. Hémérocalle (Daylily)
3. Trèfle (Clover)
4. Angélique (Angelica)
5. Canard (Duck)
6. Mélisse (Lemon Balm)
7. Fromental (Oat grass)
8. Martagon (Martagon lily)
9. Serpolet (Thyme plant)
10. Faux (Scythe)
11. Fraise (Strawberry)
12. Bétoine (Woundwort)
13. Pois (Pea)
14. Acacia (Acacia)
15. Caille (Quail)
16. Å’illet (Carnation)
17. Sureau (Elderberry)
18. Pavot (Poppy plant)
19. Tilleul (Linden or Lime tree)
20. Fourche (Pitchfork)
21. Barbeau (Cornflower)
22. Camomille (Camomile)
23. Chèvrefeuille (Honeysuckle)
24. caille-lait (Bedstraw)
25. Tanche (Tench)
26. Jasmin (Jasmine Plant)
27. Verveine (Verbena)
28. Thym (Thyme Plant)
29. Pivoine (Peony Plant)
30. Chariot (Hand Cart)

SUMMER
Messidor — “harvest” (Jun 19 ~ Jul 18)

1. Seigle (Rye)
2. Avoine (Oats)
3. Oignon (Onion)
4. Véronique (Speedwell)
5. Mulet (Mule)
6. Romarin (Rosemary)
7. Concombre (Cucumber)
8. Échalote (Shallot)
9. Absinthe (Wormwood)
10. Faucille (Sickle)
11. Coriandre (Coriander)
12. Artichaut (Artichoke)
13. Girofle (Clove)
14. Lavande (Lavender)
15. Chamois (Chamois)
16. Tabac (Tobacco)
17. Groseille (Currant)
18. Gesse (Hairy Vetchling)
19. Cerise (Cherry)
20. Parc (Park)
21. Menthe (Mint)
22. Cumin (Cumin)
23. Haricot (Bean)
24. Orcanète (Alkanet)
25. Pintade (Guinea fowl)
26. Sauge (Sage Plant)
27. Ail (Garlic)
28. Vesce (Tare)
29. Blé (Wheat)
30. Chalémie (Shawm)

Thermidor — “heat” (Jul 19 ~ Aug 17)
1. Épeautre (Einkorn Wheat)
2. Bouillon blanc (Common Mullein)
3. Melon (Honeydew Melon)
4. Ivraie (Ryegrass)
5. Bélier (Ram)
6. Prêle (Horsetail)
7. Armoise (Mugwort)
8. Carthame (Safflower)
9. Mûre (Blackberry)
10. Arrosoir (Watering Can)
11. Panis (Panic grass)
12. Salicorne (Common Glasswort)
13. Abricot (Apricot)
14. Basilic (Basil)
15. Brebis (Ewe)
16. Guimauve (Marshmallow root)
17. Lin (Flax)
18. Amande (Almond)
19. Gentiane (Gentian)
20. Écluse (Lock)
21. Carline (Carline thistle)
22. Câprier (Caper)
23. Lentille (Lentil)
24. Aunée (Yellow starwort)
25. Loutre (Otter)
26. Myrte (Myrtle)
27. Colza (Rapeseed)
28. Lupin (Lupin)
29. Coton (Cotton)
30. Moulin (Mill)

Fructidor — “fruit” (Aug 18 ~ Sep 16)
1. Prune (Plum)
2. Millet (Millet)
3. Lycoperdon (Puffball)
4. Escourgeon (Six-row Barley)
5. Saumon (Salmon)
6. Tubéreuse (Tuberose)
7. Sucrion (Sugar melon)
8. Apocyn (Apocynum)
9. Réglisse (Liquorice)
10. Échelle (Ladder)
11. Pastèque (Watermelon)
12. Fenouil (Fennel)
13. Épine vinette (Barberry)
14. Noix (Walnut)
15. Truite (Trout)
16. Citron (Lemon)
17. Cardère (Teasel)
18. Nerprun (Buckthorn)
19. Tagette (Mexican Marigold)
20. Hotte (Sack)
21. Églantine (Wild Rose)
22. Noisette (Hazelnut)
23. Houblon (Hops)
24. Sorgho (Sorghum)
25. Écrevisse (Crayfish)
26. Bigarade (Bitter Orange)
27. Verge d’or (Goldenrod)
28. Maïs (Maize or Corn)
29. Marron (Chestnut)
30. Panier (Basket)

prayer request

Hey, everyone. I just saw a dear friend of mine — let’s call her MM — and she’s just had an irregular mammogram and needs to go back for further testing. Her mom died of breast cancer when MM was just a little girl, so this is one of her worst fears. If you think of it, would you please pray for her? She’s not scheduled for her return check-up until June 10 (!!), so she could use some support — and supernatural support is, I think, the best kind there is. That’s the amazing thing to me about prayer. You don’t have to be there; you don’t even have to know the person or their name. The power of the Holy Spirit just transcends all that.

She is my dear dear friend and if you knew her, she’d be yours too. She’s just one of those people. Thanks, everyone.

poem

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

~ Mary Oliver

wedding theme continues, ad nauseum, i’m sorry, etc.

I’ve posted this somewhere before, I think, but I took a crummy cell phone picture of it and so it looked really fuzzy. This was our wedding invitation. Yep. We were one of those couples: Here we are! Look at us! But, honestly, I pored over books and books of invitation samples with all the flowers and all the embossed this and engraved that and random bits of tissue paper thrown in and I just didn’t understand them, basically. I could not choose from the choices before me. So good ol’ C stepped up to the plate and said, “Let’s just go take some pictures of you guys.” I had to be convinced because I hate having my picture taken. I can relax more if I trust the person, but I generally don’t like it at all. Still, he talked us into it, took a bunch of black and whites, we liked this one, and that was the front of our invitation. We used a kind of rough paper with an off-white border around the photo and our names underneath it. Other than that, that’s it. No poems, no flowers, no embossing. Just the subtle timeless message: “Do you recognize these people? At all? No? Well, they’re getting married. Please know they had a traumatic row about whether or not to invite you and you almost didn’t make the cut. But, ta-da! Here’s your invitation, lucky duck! It’s only fair to say, though, that one of them might still be bitter and pouting about inviting you, so it would go a long way if you could give them a nice non-toastery gift and/or a wad of cash. (Just something for you to chew on there.) Also: Please excuse the bride-to-be; her head has been colonized by Tribbles. Also: Please appreciate the poetic intensity of the groom-to-be; he has paused pen in hand from his epic poem to be captured thusly. We look forward to your present.”

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o happy day!

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This picture from Thee Olde Wedding Daye never fails to kill me. First, of course, we’ve previously discussed everything wrong design-wise and common sense-wise with that day, all my regrets about puffy hair and puffy dresses and jaunty caps. Can we please just blame it on the 90’s so that I can absolve myself and move forward in life?

A little background to this photo: This is before the ceremony. Photos at my parents’ house. This is the backyard, by the pool. As a matter of fact, the little boy there, B, is standing on the diving rock at the edge of our pool, which is why my friend P, mom to all these kids, is holding his arm: to keep the poor boy — who I think has just realized he is the poofy reincarnation of Little Lord Fauntleroy — from throwing himself in the pool and ending his miniature dandified existence. Actually, B wasn’t even in the wedding (he was only 18 months old) and, in my defense — which is desperately needed here on something, anything — I had nothing to do with any part of his outfit. His cap was an extra, matching the ones his sisters wore and he kept pulling it on his head, refusing to take it off. I have NO idea where his giant velvet bow came from, but as I recall, P put it on him as more of a lark, a tension breaker. I mean, the entire day, we cracked up whenever we looked at the poor kid, all of us in happy giddy agreement that he looked utterly ridiculous. (Uhm, to paraphrase the Good Book: First remove the Ren Faire from your own eye, Trace, before you take the bit of poof from yon innocent toddler’s.) Sorry, B. Your mama threw your wee Huggied bottom under the bus and dressed you up out of love for me, I’m convinced, because whenever I looked at you, any nerves I felt just swept away in a flood of hysterical giggles. It was good useful medicine straight from Thee Olde Apothecarie’s Shoppe ’round the corner. (Sadly, it’s taken me many years to realize just HOW Renaissance Faire our wedding looked. It shames me deeply — given my utter contempt for all things Ren Faire. I think I thought I was being theatrical. And that I was. Lord.)

Now about those expressions. To put it nicely, our wedding photographer was a complete wiener. A total jerk. I didn’t like him the moment I met him, but my choice was overruled on this. Because I knew I’d want other photos, candid photos, (back-up photos, basically) taken by someone I trusted, I asked P’s husband C to take black-and-white candids and that’s who caught this rather, shall we say, unguarded moment. Leave it to C. He never missed a beat. The “official” photographer is out of the frame here, but, trust me, he’s right there. He’s talking to us, bossing us in that chubby condescending way he had. The entire moment boils down to this: P and I are basically OVER him. Fed up. He has worn down our last decent nerve. I mean, the day hasn’t even STARTED yet — the guy hasn’t even realized his full buttmunch potential which happens hours from this moment — and I have that look on my face that no bride should ever wear on her wedding day. The homicidal look. The “I will CUT you” look. My entire facial musculature has gone utterly slack with distaste. The look in my eyes, though, seems quite toned, quite taut. Something inside me is about to pop and I don’t think it’s my heart bursting from everlasting love. No. I am on the verge of a thrombosis. P’s look is more subtle, slightly less deadly, but I know this look. This is her look that says, “I’m trying to be polite, but seriously, what the HELL. is WRONG. with YOU??” I like her look so much better than mine. This look on me is not a good look. Nothing good ever comes from this look. This is not the look of the joyful “I do”; this is the look of “I, Tracey, take you, photographer …. and cut you and kill you and put a nice stop payment on your big fat check, you horrendous bossy weenie!”

He is lucky he survived to boss and condescend again.

I owe it all to long and frequent swigs from Mine Secrett Flafke of Spiritts hidden in Mine Ev’r Poof’d Fleeves.

burma

I can’t stop thinking about what’s going on in Burma — a country I will never call the other name out of solidarity with the hill tribes populating the border of Thailand and Burma — people who are still fighting for their freedom, for their very lives, and who see the other name as a form of ethnic cleansing. So I reject that name. So does the United States, technically. I’m furious — but not surprised — at the reprehensible stubbornness of the “government” in charge. Strangely, I have a hope that what’s going on right now will call more international attention to this sick and oppressive regime. Too many people are in the dark and that’s just a crime.

A little context for my rant.

We went on a mission trip to Thailand in the summer of 2004. I’ve never written about it here because I find it hard to talk about. Profound personal things happened that there may not even be words for. (Well, that’s rather dramatic, Trace. More accurate to say I can’t find the words for it. I can’t do it justice. There, that’s better, I think.) I remember all the research I did before we left. About Thailand. About Burma. I remember reading about these hill tribes because part of our group was sent north to visit a HUGE refugee camp where hundreds of thousands of people from these hill tribes live in limbo along the border with Burma. (MB and I weren’t part of this team — we were on an orphanage team — but we just ate up all the stories told and the videos shown when the group returned from the camp. Some of what I heard and saw, even secondhand, I will never forget.)

The people in this camp are Christians. They can and do venture into Burma for food, but they risk rape, torture, and death. They can’t live free in Thailand because of longstanding, insanely complicated agreements between the governments of Thailand and Burma. So right now, they live in this muddy camp in the middle of the jungle. It’s called a refugee camp, yes, but it’s no guaranteed safe haven. They’ve been attacked in the past by the Burmese army and, because of that, in the middle of the camp, hangs a large gong that is sounded whenever they are under threat. Unless things change for them, most of them will spend the remainder of their days there. One might imagine that constant fear and disabling depression would dominate these people, but they are filled with a joy that we Westerners don’t even understand, really.

I still remember hearing how, several times a day, our team members held Bible studies under one huge tent in the middle of the camp. A couple thousand people would show up at a time, more than the tent could hold. The crowd just spilled out onto the muddy ground, basically. One day, they were studying the 23rd Psalm and, through the translator, the study leader asked for anyone to share what “The Lord is my shepherd” meant to them. Kind of a risk, since these are very kind, but generally reserved, people. There was total silence. Then a few men started answering here and there. No women. More men answered. Finally, a woman in the front row answered very quietly. Apparently, you could barely hear her. The whole room stood still, basically, to hear what she said:

“We go into the jungle (Burma) to look for food sometimes. If they (Burmese soldiers) see us, they will kiss us and oppress us. (The translator whispered that, in English, this meant “gang rape.”) But the Lord is always with us. We don’t have freedom in our bodies but we have freedom in our spirits.”

I tear up whenever I even think about this. How can I ever complain about my life??

I’m rambling a lot here — I’m sorry. I’m going to quote a section from a letter I sent out to friends and family before our trip in ’04, just to give a little more background on the people in this camp and the government of Burma, as well.

The mountains of northern Thailand and Burma are populated by diverse ethnic peoples who have lived in the region for hundreds, and in some cases, thousands of years. The tribes consider themselves non-Burman, since they come from regions as various as China, Mongolia, Cambodia, and India. They do not acknowledge the name “Myanmar,” seeing it as a form of ethnic cleansing. One tribe, known as the Karen (”currin”) has lived in these jungles for about 2,500 years. They are known as the “Christian tribe” because upwards of 40% are, indeed, Christians. It’s an astonishing number when you consider that over 85% of the Burmese population is Buddhist.

There’s a fascinating story I read recently about how the Karen people came to be so (comparatively) heavily evangelized. It seems that for generations before they were ever evangelized, the Karen passed poems amongst themselves that told of one creator God named “Y’wa” who made man and woman. The stories told of a man and a woman who lived in a garden and of a snake who gave the woman some forbidden fruit. The Karen also believe they once possessed a “Book” that told the truth about life. That book was lost, they say, but they believed that one day, a young man from across the seas would come and return it. So when Bible-bearing missionaries arrived in Burma in the 19th century, they were warmly welcomed and the message of Christ was embraced. And here’s an interesting notion: I’ve also learned that there are those active in searching for Jewish descendants of the Assyrian captivity who believe the Karen may be a remnant of the lost tribes of Israel. I can’t help but wonder how they knew this story otherwise.

But right now, the Karen are among the 4 million Christians in Burma who are part of the persecuted church worldwide. The persecution is both religious and political, extending to the Karen and other non-Burman peoples who’ve struggled for decades for autonomy from the Burmese “government” — really nothing more than a military junta known as the “State Peace and Development Council.” The SPDC sees the expression of even the most basic freedoms as a threat to national unity; therefore, any and all attempts at religious and political freedom are put down. Violently.

What’s happening in Burma does not receive much news coverage, a shameful omission since the current situation is one of the most brutal in the world. But I believe we need to be aware of what’s happening, so to that end, I will share with you.

(Be forewarned. Some of what follows will be graphic.)

Under present circumstances, the Burmese army routinely extorts tribal villages for food and money, two things they just don’t have. Villagers are forced to become human minesweepers; men are sent into forced labor; villages, including churches, are systematically burned down; children are forced to become soldiers. Currently, there are approximately 70,000 children in the Burmese army against their will.

Villagers must take care not to be seen running through the jungle or they will be shot on sight. Once the men are removed from the villages as forced laborers, women and children — some as young as 5 — are raped, and frequently, gang raped. Many rape victims are then killed. Christian children are regularly taken from their villages and put into Buddhist monasteries to become monks. They never see their families again.

Additionally, the Burmese army has a terror squad known as the Sa Sa Sa which regularly beheads uncooperative villagers and mounts their heads on poles as a warning to others. Small babies have been taken and ground to death in rice pounders. Yes, you read that correctly.

Even in the midst of these atrocities, the Karen and other tribal Christians remain faithful and courageous. They watch as their villages and churches are destroyed. They move and rebuild, move and rebuild, all with the knowledge that any new village, any new church, will likely be destroyed also. The Karen tribe has a tiny, ragtag, guerrilla force known as the Karen National Liberation Army that continues to do what it can to stave off the Burmese army — and there are small victories.

Just recently, in August 2003, a skirmish broke out between a small group of Karen rebels and and a much larger number of Burmese soldiers. The Burmese army lost about 300 men, but, amazingly, the Karen rebels lost only 15 men. Later, the Karen soldiers commented that the Burmese hadn’t even tried to dodge the barrage of gunfire coming their way. After the confrontation, the Karen went through the soldiers’ bags and found the reason why: the bags were full of amphetamines. The Burmese soldiers had been high. Maybe God does work in mysterious ways sometimes? Gives me chills, actually.

Several years ago, a group of missionaries traveled to visit some believers among the Shan (shawn) tribe. Two years after this first visit, they returned to the village, were welcomed like old, dear friends, and told how the villagers had longed for their return. They stayed, renewing friendships for a few days. Later, as the missionaries were leaving, each received a small envelope from the villagers. As they opened them later, the missionaries discovered they had each been given 1000 Kyat (local currency) from these destitute believers. The villagers had basically nothing but thought nothing of giving all of what they did have. They begged the missionaries to please return.

My hope is greater awareness — of the plight of these hill tribes and ALL people in Burma who live under this evil regime. Pray for them.

Lastly, World Vision is one of the few relief organizations on the ground in Burma right now. Here’s a link to make a quick, direct donation to their efforts over there. Please help if you can. It’s a race against time.