beyond the pale

March 13, 2012

posting light

Until wrist recovers.

March 8, 2012March 8, 2012

BB: Tee Tee. Vhy you lef at me? Vhy? I just lie here, dat is all, and still you lef at me. I not understand you. Vhy you shake so much? Vhy your face so red? I do nutting! So vhy you lef at me, Tee Tee??

March 6, 2012March 14, 2012

banshee boy works it

ME: Uhm, Banshee Boy?
BB: Yes, Tee Tee, vhat you vant? I vedy busy.
ME: You are?
BB: Yes. Vedy.
ME: Seriously you are?
BB: Yes, Tee Tee! Can’t you see? I vedy busy.
ME: Wow. Uhm, okay. Well, you know — I’m sorry, I just have to say this and I suppose it’s none of my business, but you seem like you’re just ….. kind of …… showing off ……..and, well, strutting, you see, is the word that comes to mind.
BB: I not know vhat you talk about. Vhat is dis verd? “Strudding”?
ME: Well, it’s when you know you look good —
BB: Vhich I do.
ME: Right. And that’s my point. So you know you look good and you kind of …. show off a bit because you feel good about looking good.
BB: No, Tee Tee! I not do dat! How I do someting vhen I not know vhat someting is? But I do look goot in dese jeans.
ME: You do, Banshee Boy. But no strutting, I guess?
BB: No! Dis is crazy talk! I outraged!
ME: Uh, sorry. I just thought —
BB: No, Tee Tee! Dat is de problem! You no tink! You just bladder!
ME: “Bladder”?
BB: Yes! Dis is vhat I say. Bladder. Talk, talk, talk. No tink.
ME: Uhm, sorry, Banshee Boy.
BB: It’s hokay, Tee Tee. Now please to leaf me alone to valk dis vay den dat vay den dis vay again.
ME: Uh, sure.
BB: But I just valking like normal boy.
ME: Of course.
BB: Not dis crazy strudding ting you say.
ME: Right.
BB: Now please to moof. You are blocking my vay.

Mere moments later ……..

ME: So, Banshee Boy.
BB: Yes, Tee Tee, vhat? You are vedy demanding today.
ME: Well, it’s just curious to me.
BB: Vhat?
ME: Well, okay. You just finished not strutting and now —
BB: I just tired from all de valking.
ME: You’re never tired.
BB: You do not know me so vell, Tee Tee. I sometimes tired.
ME: So you’re just tired then?
BB: Yes.
ME: From all the “walking”?
BB: Yes!
ME: So I guess I should assume you are definitely not posing right now?
BB: Again, Tee Tee, you use veird verds I not understand.
ME: You are not showing off your tight jeans and/or your belly?
BB: Is dat vhat dis posing ting is?
ME: Well, in this situation, yes.
BB: Den I vedy much not do dat.
ME: Right.
BB: But you do see de jeans, den?
ME: Oh, yes.
BB: And de belly?
ME: Yes, Banshee Boy. It’s pretty hard to miss. I actually think I see the outline of your left kidney where the jeans press down on it. We could have Thanksgiving dinner on that belly.
BB: You no need to be hurtful, Tee Tee. I just a tired boy vid a healty appetite. Dat is all dat is goink on here.
ME: Good to know.
BB: Now please right now to take my photo.

March 5, 2012March 5, 2012

hello …. i sprained my wrist

Owww.

One-handed typing is neato.

March 1, 2012

i have failed …. i’ve only seen 87

Reaching the pinnacle of lazy blogging with this one, I’ve grabbed one of AFI’s lists of The 100 Best Movies of All Time (since they seem to do a list, like, every 6 months) and bolded the ones I haven’t seen.

I kind of wish I hadn’t done this because now I feel bad about myself and it’s my God-given right to never feel bad about myself or so I hear. Oh, I’ve also italicized the ones that I haven’t seen that I have no intention of ever seeing, thus ensuring that I can never feel entirely good about myself. But nyaaah to you, Movies I have an Irrational Prejudice Against. I’m sure you’ll survive my rejection to be listed for posterity in a meaningless list yet again someday.

1.CITIZEN KANE (1941)
2.CASABLANCA (1942)
3.GODFATHER, THE (1972)
4.GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
5.LAWRENCE OF ARABIA (1962)
6.WIZARD OF OZ, THE (1939)
7.GRADUATE, THE (1967)
8.ON THE WATERFRONT (1954)
9.SCHINDLER’S LIST (1993)
10.SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN (1952)
11.IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
12.SUNSET BOULEVARD (1950)
13.BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI, THE (1957)
14.SOME LIKE IT HOT (1959)
15.STAR WARS (1977)
16.ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)
17.AFRICAN QUEEN, THE (1951)
18.PSYCHO (1960)
19.CHINATOWN (1974)
20.ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST (1975)
21.GRAPES OF WRATH, THE (1940)
22.2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
23.MALTESE FALCON, THE (1941)
24.RAGING BULL (1980)
25.E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL (1982)
26.DR. STRANGELOVE (1964)
27.BONNIE & CLYDE (1967)
28.APOCALYPSE NOW (1979)
29.MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
30.TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948)
31.ANNIE HALL (1977)
32.GODFATHER PART II, THE (1974)
33.HIGH NOON (1952)
34.TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (1962)
35.IT HAPPENED ONE NIGHT (1934)
36.MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969)
37.BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES, THE (1946)
38.DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
39.DOCTOR ZHIVAGO (1965)
40.NORTH BY NORTHWEST (1959)
41.WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
42.REAR WINDOW (1954)
43.KING KONG (1933)
44.BIRTH OF A NATION, THE (1915)
45.STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE, A (1951)
46.CLOCKWORK ORANGE, A (1971) Shut up, Kubrick. I don’t even know what about, but just shut up.
47.TAXI DRIVER (1976)
48.JAWS (1975)
49.SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS (1937)
50.BUTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDANCE KID (1969)
51.PHILADELPHIA STORY, THE (1940)
52.FROM HERE TO ETERNITY (1953)
53.AMADEUS (1984)
54.ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT (1930) Guess you’ve already shut up, then. Thank you.
55.SOUND OF MUSIC, THE (1965)
56.M*A*S*H(1970)
57.THIRD MAN, THE (1949) I can only handle so much of Orson Welles’ face, actually. Those wine commercials destroyed it for me.
58.FANTASIA (1940)
59.REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE (1955)
60.RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)
61.VERTIGO (1958)
62.TOOTSIE (1982)
63.STAGECOACH (1939)
64.CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)
65.SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, THE (1991)
66.NETWORK (1976)
67.MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE, THE (1962)
68.AMERICAN IN PARIS, AN (1951)
69.SHANE (1953)
70.FRENCH CONNECTION, THE (1971)
71.FORREST GUMP (1994)
72.BEN-HUR (1959)
73.WUTHERING HEIGHTS (1939)
74.GOLD RUSH, THE (1925)
75.DANCES WITH WOLVES (1990)
76.CITY LIGHTS (1931)
77.AMERICAN GRAFFITI (1973)
78.ROCKY (1976)
79.DEER HUNTER, THE (1978)
80.WILD BUNCH, THE (1969)
81.MODERN TIMES (1936)
82.GIANT (1956)
83.PLATOON (1986)
84.FARGO (1996)
85.DUCK SOUP (1933) I despise Groucho Marx.
86.MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY (1935)
87.FRANKENSTEIN (1931)
88.EASY RIDER (1969)
89.PATTON (1970)
90.JAZZ SINGER, THE (1927) Just can’t get on board. Mazeltov on being the first talking feature.
91.MY FAIR LADY (1964)
92.PLACE IN THE SUN, A(1951)
93.APARTMENT, THE (1960)
94.GOODFELLAS (1990)
95.PULP FICTION (1994)
96.SEARCHERS, THE (1956)
97.BRINGING UP BABY (1938)
98.UNFORGIVEN (1992)
99.GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER (1967) Eh. I love Katharine Hepburn, but Sidney Poitier seems so self-important that he bugs me. Sorry, Sid.
100. YANKEE DOODLE DANDY (1942) I can’t explain my prejudice except the title makes me feel weird. I don’t like the song either. I think it’s the “Doodle Dandy” part that kills it for me. See? Completely irrational.

So go ahead, pippa. Tell me you’ve seen them all. I can take it.

February 27, 2012

visual cpr

Holy crap.

To revive any Oscar-weary spirits, I offer ……….

Actually, I don’t think this is helping. I think I’m having a heart attack.

February 26, 2012February 27, 2012

this unforgivable night

(A PS at the beginning: My take on the Oscars validated here and here and elsewhere, I’m sure.)

At one point, during tonight’s yawn-o-rama/Oscar broadcast, Meryl Streep got up to introduce the awards given out at the Governor’s Dinner or the Emperor’s Potluck or the Despot’s Brunch or whatever. I was in the kitchen getting an alcoholic beverage to revive myself.

“……… so let’s review some highlights of this unforgettable night …” she intoned.

But I had my head in the fridge or the water running or something. It sounded like something else to me.

“Did she just say, ‘this unforgivable night’??”

“No! Unforgettable.”

“Oh. Really? Given the current evening, mine seems more appropriate.”

This is why I didn’t live blog it, pippa. I was too bored and uninspired.

Btw, I was rooting for Brad. I’ve never been a huge Brad Pitt fan but I thought he was fantastic in Moneyball. Just fantastic. I have never liked him as much as I liked him in that movie.

And Meryl Streep, well, the moment of the night. The speech of the night. So beautiful, inclusive, and heartfelt. It changed my tears of boredom to tears of joy.

By my count, though, the broadcast was only 7 minutes over time. It just felt a lot longer.

February 23, 2012

question

Can I just throw a question out there?

Uh, is weight loss really something you should have to mention to other people? I mean, after a certain amount of weight loss, shouldn’t it be, you know, noticeable?

The background:

About 3 years ago, I started working out hard on my cool new mini trampoline. Not the kind you buy at Sports Authority with the cheap short coils, but a top-of-the-line smaller one with long coils for a good deep bounce. MB bought it for me for my birthday because he’d seen me visiting their website and pining away for it for quite a while. I’ve always loved working out this way because it seems more like fun and less like work.

Anyhow, I lost weight, right? Like, oh, about 20 pounds. I’m at my “appropriate” weight now — or whatever. I’m in good shape these days because I’ve worked hard at it and I’ve stuck to the regimen. This has been 3 years now. (Somewhat shockingly, the boobins did not decrease. I’m really starting to think they’re fake. Like at some point, I was drugged and woke up in a tub in Vegas — not with a kidney missing — but with big fake boobs and that I just have amnesia about the whole ordeal.)

MB’s family comments on it every time they see me. (The weight loss, not the boobs.) They make a fuss about me and it every time, which is nice. (Again, the weight loss, not the boobs.) They say something nice like, “Oh, you look great! Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it.” So it validates to me that it IS noticeable and that all that work/bouncing “ain’t been in vain for nothin'” — to quote Lena Lamont (Singin’ in the Rain).

But here’s what’s odd to me:

No one in my family has ever said a word about it. Not a word. Nothing. In 3 years.

A few weeks ago, we were at my brother’s house and at one point in a conversation with my SIL, I briefly mentioned “losing weight.” (She is a workout FIEND, that one.) She looked surprised and said, “Oh! How much have you lost?”

“Uh …… about 20 pounds?”

“Oh! When did that happen?”

Long pause.

“Uhm …….. about 3 years ago,” I said drily.

“Oh.”

“Oh”? “OH”?? Really? That’s it? “Oh”????

Now, again, it’s been like this for 3 years, but somehow this little exchange sent me into a long-expected but long-delayed tailspin. I ranted about it the whole way home to MB, who quietly contemplated suicide.

I raved about it again at bedtime, in bed, and the next morning while MB methodically loaded his gun.

But, seriously, shouldn’t weight loss of 20 pounds be noticeable and …. well, comment worthy?

Or is it unfair to expect comment on something like that? I mean, maybe it is. I don’t know. My family dynamics are a bit odd, I think, so I don’t know what “normal” is. It seems more “normal” to me that MB’s family has commented but maybe commenting makes them unusual. On the other hand, my girlfriends have commented, but not my mom or my sister or my SIL.

So, really, what’s normal here, pippa?

Now I didn’t lose the weight so people would comment. I lost it for various personal reasons that most people have for losing weight. Nevertheless, it seems normal to at least think that people might comment, not that you do it for that, but that that is an outgrowth of your efforts — people who know you/love you commenting on your efforts.

Am I wrong?

Again, what’s normal here?

I actually don’t know, so please explain normal to me.

February 22, 2012February 22, 2012