So the U.S. Open Golf Championship is in San Diego this year, starting June 9.
I feel very antsy to have such large-scale boredom so close by.
what to do when you’re awake at 3:28 a.m.
— do crunches on your exercise ball
— quietly try on clothes, seeing if those just-now crunches have changed everything
— stop trying on clothes
— sit on bed wondering why you tried on clothes
— decide you hate all your clothes
— crawl back in bed, wondering how much you could make if you sold your cache of Halloween anti-depressants — the, oh, 6-month supply given to you by a concerned loved one — on the street
— no, seriously, actually do this
— handwash some dainties in the bathroom sink, turning on the water just barely so as not to wake the other person in the house, the one lying there quietly, flaunting his sleep prowess
— contemplate waking him up for no other reason but to share your pain
— decide this has too many far-reaching consequences
— calculate again the untold riches that await you if you just, you know, become a drug dealer
— mentally work on your emo version of “Wouldn’t It Be Loverly” from “My Fair Lady”
— wonder what emo is
— finally fall asleep wondering about emo, have a dream about Elmo
this is mindlessly soothing
Then fall fast asleep.
After it takes your brain.
And makes you do things.
Very bad things.
Have fun!