(A re-post.)
So a while back, I was riding in a car with a person I’ll call Plumcake. At a stoplight, while deep in discussion about something else, Plumcake suddenly gasped and delivered this raging non sequitur:
“Look at that car — it has a ‘333’on the license plate! Oh, thank you, Lord!”
Hmmm. I looked at the car. It was just a car. I didn’t get it. I was NOT catching the fever. Or whatever she had.
She continued earnestly:
“The Lord has told me that whenever I see the number ‘333,’ it means He’s thinking about ME and loving ME.”
Umm, wha???
Clearly, Plumcake was joking or temporarily off her nut. I decided a solid, but noncommittal, response was the chuckle. What person, whether joker or nutter, could object to the chuckle? So I chuckled. Instantly, Plumcake threw a withering glare at me. It seemed she was utterly serious, I was 5 years old, and that chuckle was wrong, wrong, wrong! Shame on me! Duly chastised, I shut my mouth, too stunned to make a peep now. I sat in silence while she rhapsodized about ‘333.’
I thought this was an isolated incident, but since that moment I’ve heard her publicly gush over anything with 333: addresses, phone numbers, digital clocks. I was at her house one afternoon when the kitchen clock struck 3:33. I watched wide-eyed as Plumcake and The Plumcake Kids danced a little jiggedy jig of joy: “It’s 3:33! God’s thinking of me. Woo-hoo!” I, however, did not join in the jiggedy jig, nor did I feel the joy.
Frankly, I thought the whole hubbub seemed rather exclusionary, seeing as how God was apparently thinking just of Plumcake and there WERE other people in the room. Kinda rude, God.
And if God is in the numbers, I’m scared. Terrified, really. Because I ain’t good with numbers.
I’ve given some thought to Plumcake’s spiritual epiphany and I’ve got just a few niggling questions. First, why 333? I mean, why that number? Is “God in the number” because the three digits are identical? Is that the magic of it? And what would happen, Plumcake, if I just wrote 333 on a piece of paper? Would that mean God’s thinking of you or would that mean that I just wrote 333 on a freakin’ piece of paper?
But, wait, let’s not be too dismissive now. Maybe God is speaking this way. Maybe God IS in the numbers. So then what’s next? Story problems?
Oh. Sweet. Lord.
Just think of the ones ALMIGHTY GOD could come up with: “Two trains depart from Toledo. If one travels at the speed of a hummingbird’s wings, and the other, the speed of an eyelid blink, which one arrives in HELL first??”
Oh, the shivers. I’d be toast for sure. My utter incompetence with numbers would cement my spiritual doom forever and ever. I’m shiny with sweat just thinking about it.
But maybe it’s not story problems. Maybe it’s these numbers, as Plumcake says. So then does God speak exclusively through the identical three-digit number? And how do all believers get one of these? Because I don’t think there are enough of them to go ’round.
I mean, let’s count together, shall we:
000, 111, 222, 333 (Plumcake’s), 444, 555, 666 (uh, Satan’s), 777, 888, 999.
By my count, that leaves only 8 of these “God numbers” left over for the rest of us.
Wow. This is really rough. I’m sorry to tell you that God does not love you, nor is He thinking of you. Tough, tough break.
What is going on here?? Where are Christians getting these foolish, fairy-tale notions? Where? Please understand. Plumcake is a lovely(-ish) person. I don’t question that for a moment. What I question is superstition and fantasy creeping into believers’ hearts, weakening or replacing firm foundations. You may say, “Well, I don’t buy into these notions.” To that I say, “Thank God,” but there are enough Christians who do that we need to be concerned. Really concerned.
This concerns me too: I know a couple who dubbed their youngest child the “Resurrection Baby.” The husband had had an affair and in the midst of the traumatic fallout, they got pregnant. According to them, the baby was a “sign from God,” of the “resurrection” of their marriage. Wow. No pressure, baby. Mess that diaper. Spew those peas. Save that marriage.
One day, the husband blithely said to me, “Well, I guess this means I get to stay married now.” Really? Is that what the blessed baby means? Or does it perhaps mean a chance to avoid, to deny, the deep and abiding issues that brought your marriage to the brink? Or — does it perhaps mean that you deftly manipulated your broken and betrayed wife into bed — at least once? Why is that a sign from God? Given his flippant attitude, I questioned whether baby was, indeed, a “resurrection” or a deflection.
Has the God of the universe transitioned into the business of saying what we want to hear, of saying that which is facile, expedient, and small? Or have we become so immersed in our spiritual ADD and laziness that we want — no, need –– God to speak in ways that are facile, expedient, and small?
It seems The Word is no longer enough for us. Our souls are so hollowed by society swirling around us that we seek, not just instant gratification, but instant sanctification. The lifelong process is simply too wearisome, too burdensome. We need a God who speaks in newer, better, faster ways. We need a God who’s just more efficient. Please be easier to understand, God. Please speak to me right now, God. Please give me a “word” that makes things better for me, God. What we want from God diminishes the very idea of “God.” What we want from God diminishes our chances of becoming more like him. Still, we want it. And believe me, it’s astounding what “God” will say to a desperate, vulnerable mind. I’m adamant here … because I’ve been there. And back, thankfully.
God gave us the Word, His radical love letter to the world. He woos us to The Enduring Romance, but we settle for the quick, cheap thrills of “333” on the back of a car. He gave us His precious Spirit, but we still crave a sign, any sign, as long as it’s the one we want. His Word gives us a foundation, but we long for flights of fancy, for the whimsical escape of other, newer words. We are desperate for His love, but numbed to the bloodied, beautiful proof of it on the cross.
Just give me another sign, God. Speak a new word to me, God. Thanks for 333, God.
We have The Cross. We have The Word. We have The Holy Spirit.
What else do we need?
“Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding.” Proverbs 9:6
