First, New Girl at Work, gimme a break. Your name is Alexandra. Good name. Fine name. Whatever. Your nickname could be “Alex” or “Lexie,” even “Allie,” I guess. There ARE reasonable choices you could be called. You don’t have to resort to some gimmicky name that degrades you and me and everyone who hears it or dares to even breathe it.
That being said, New Girl at Work, I will NOT be calling you “Aquarius.”
I am now an apron-wearing, coffee-sloshing, milk-stained barista, but I still have my standards. My dignity. My sense of right and wrong. And this is just WRONG. Wrongwrongwrong. WRA-ONNNG.
Just …. oh, seriously. Slap yourself so I don’t have to. How ’bout I call you “Ack” for short? “Ack” is good. Ack. Just … ACK.
Or, really, I’m not going to bother to call you much of anything for this very reason:
Customer to ACK: What are you brewing right now?
ACK: Um …. (looking at labels, then looking at me) …. I don’t ….. uh … how do you say this one?
ME: Um, CO-LUM-BEE-YA.
ACK (pointing): What about this one?
ME: That’s ZIM-BOB-WAY, hon.
Customer to ME: I’ll just take the French Roast.
Two weeks tops, Ack. Buh-bye. SIGH-A-NAR-A.
WHAT?!
Wow.
Just, wow…
oh my. how old is she??
Heh, heh… who hired this girl?
I mean, I know it’s sometimes hard to tell in an interview how someone will do on the job, but… are you desperate? Will any warm body do?
Good grief.
Maybe you need to bring in a map, to show her, like, all these countries?
I dunno. I’m trying really, really hard not to break out the snark here, but I just have a THING about people who rename themselves…I’m not talking about “When I was David, I was a drug addict, so I am changing my name to Steve now that I am in recovery.” That I get, that I will celebrate.
I’m talking about “I’m changing my name to something cute that’s going to make everyone notice me! Whee! And I might change it again next week!” (I’ve KNOWN people like that. Which is probably why I’m not being totally successful at not breaking out the snark.)
What happened to people noticing you, not for your weird name, but for the quality of the work you did – or the quality of your personality.
When the moooooooon is in the seventh hooooouse
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peeeeeeace will guide our pla-a-net
And lo-ove will fill the stars
This is dawning of THE AGE OF AQUARIUS
AGE OF AQUARIUUUUUUUUS
AQUARIIIIUUUUUUUUUUU-US
Ok – give the newbie a break….ok, that’s long enough. Sarah K asked how old she is…I’m afraid I don’t want to know.
Okay. I will call her Aquarius if I can sing it with, like, 12 U’s in it.
Hahahahahaha!
Oh, and you guys, she’s about 22, 23. She seemed normal, briefly.
Okay…I have officially changed my name to Princess Starshine.
I am putting a piece of glitter paper with pretty stickers over the nameplate on my door as we speak. I will call the printer this afternoon for new business cards. Maybe they can do them up in purple with shiny pink lettering!
I’m just sure this will help me succeed in the real world. After all it is such a unique and pretty name.
Who wouldn’t take me seriously with a cool, funky name like that?
Shannon — Ooooh! Princess Starshine! It’s like you’re a My Little Pony. Who doesn’t like My Little Ponies?
I think we must all rename ourselves. I mean, “Sarah”? “Ricki”? “Missy”? “Tracey”? We are not trying very hard. We are conforming to the man, man. We must be our TRUE selves. So let’s hear it:
What is your new TRUE name?
Obviously, Princess Starshine is taken. Bummer. I need to think for a bit about mine.
Ooooh! “I SO escited!!!!”
If Shannon gets to be “Princess Starshine” then I want to be “King of all Tarnation” as in “where in tarnation are you from?”… Yes!!!
Too bad Princess Buttercup was already taken. I could go for that.
Does she know that those are actual COUNTRIES and not hard names that The Beanhouse made up just to trip-up wanna-be hippies?
ASM — I doubt it. I’m amazed she can pronounce Aquarius.
Just call me Queenie. I’m way past that “princess” thing.
Please call me Celtic Twilight from now on. Thanks.
Well, I was going to be ‘Texanna LoneStar’.
But on further consideration, I would like to be ‘Prairie Winecup’ instead.
So ‘Texanna LoneStar’ is free again.
I am DYING at these names!!!! Hahahahaha!
I’m too tired to think of mine right now. It’ll come to me.
I would very much like to be renamed Queen of the Prairie. Yup. That works. Or Raven Darklingplain.
Or, I know: I can be Queen of the Prairie when I’m in a good mood, and Raven Darklingplan when I’m in a bad mood. And you have to know what kind of mood I’m in so you can call me by the right name, ha ha!
I am Lily Whitebottom.
except when you’re Olive Boyl
Hahahaha! Oh, OWWW. Don’t remind me, Sal. 😉
Need to think of a different name now ….
Heh. We did a Bad Name Tag Night at Friendly’s back in the day. I was Ekim. “Hello, my name is Ekim, and welcome to Friendly’s!” We had a lot of fun. But you can’t really sing to Ekim. I can sing to Shannon, though –
Good morning starshine
The earth says hello!
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Glivvy glah glooby
Livvy lava looby…
That song … what was the DEAL with that song?? Hahahahaha!
Tef and I decided to name our children after 70’s bands crossed with Black Xploitation films. The top 2?
Cleopatra Speedwagon
&
Foxy Supertramp
I think it’d work…