So my mom and dad recently went up to watch my nephew play in a basketball tournament. Piper was there, of course. At one point, she was wandering outside the gym with Nana when she suddenly stopped to have this conversation. Um, I’m still not over it:
Piper: Nana, let’s si’down and have a tawk.
Nana: Okay. About what?
Piper: About da woild.
Nana: Oh, well, what in the world do you want to talk about?
Piper: Deers.
Nana: Deer?
Piper: Ye-ah. I think deers are bery beautiful. Don’t you, Nana?
Nana: Well, yeah, deer ARE beautiful, but they’re very dangerous. We once saw a deer jump up on a man and rip open his chest.
UHM, WHAT?? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MOM?! YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT DEERS AND THE BEAUTIFUL WOILD AND YOU SUDDENLY TURN INTO MARLIN FREAKIN’ PERKINS FROM MUTUAL OF OMAHA’S WILD FREAKIN’ KINGDOM?? WHY DON’T YOU JUST POP ‘BAMBI’ INTO THE OL’ DVD PLAYER WHILE YOU’RE AT IT?? DAMMIT!!
AND BY THE WAY, WHEN DID THAT CHEST-RIPPING DEER INCIDENT EVER HAPPEN?
Okay. Sorry. Obviously, I’m not over it. I think about it and fume inside. (Or, um, outside, like now, but just this once; I promise.) I mean, she’s just a little girl and I love her so much it aches and I don’t want her beautiful woild shattered, especially by people she loves and trusts. UGH. I’m ranting here because I doubt I’ll ever talk to my mom about it. Besides, that’s my sister and brother-in-law’s prerogative, I suppose.
But I feel compelled to vent and protect and find like-minded people to do the same, like this guy:
“LOOK OUT, PIPER! WILD NANAS CAN BE VERRY DANGEROUS!!”
I honestly want to know where that deadly deer attack was.
Was Timothy Treadwell involved??
Poor little Piper. I hope this won’t ruin her view of the deer “woild”. (I love that)
I know! WHAT is she talking about? Where was I? You know, there ARE a lot of deer roaming ’round San Diego.
“Was Timothy Treadwell involved?”
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Well, we all know that there are periodic epidemics of RABID DEER ravaging the countryside.
We should all get vaccinated pronto!!
Yeah! Watch out, Bird Flu! The Rabid Deer are ALREADY HERE!!
Tracey, that is so horrible!
They get to be innocent for such a short time. Why do people feel the need to make that time as sort as possible.
Nana should have warned her about the killer packs of saber-tooth bunny rabbits and razor-clawed puppy dogs while she was at it.
I am so sorry Piper had to have this experience.
Razor-clawed puppy dogs! My friend has one of those!
Nana needs to stop watching “When Good Deer Go Bad” and “World’s Deadliest Herbivore Attacks.”
I was reminded, though, of this:
As a long-haul trucker, my uncle used to drive a Peterbilt 18-wheeler. One night, somewhere in the upper Midwest, he hit a buck.
The antlers punctured the radiator.
He told me this story when I was nine. It made me laugh then, and it makes me laugh now.
I think Piper will be okay. Of course, I’m a sociopath, so what do I know?
//“When Good Deer Go Bad†and “World’s Deadliest Herbivore Attacks.â€//
hahahahahahahahaha