Just in case anyone’s been losing sleep wondering, “Hey, what happened with Tracey’s drama class?”
Ready. Set. RANT:
So you remember when I had that upcoming gig teaching home school drama classes for flaky NFL wife, right?
Yeah, well, I was spot-on about that whole “flaky” thing. The week we were supposed to start, she cancelled. Next week, next week for sure, she said on our machine. I called back, left a message. I need directions to your house. I heard nothing. “Next week” arrived. It was the day before. I called again, left a message. I need to hear from you by 7 p.m. tonight or I will assume class is cancelled.
When I came home later that evening, there was a message on my machine from NFL PLAYER HIMSELF. Tracey, this is Player You Really Admire. Uh, Flaky is out of town until tomorrow night. (Class is supposed to be the next afternoon at their house and she is out of town??) Um, I don’t know the status on the class. I can see how you need to talk to someone. Um …. (He chuckled. HE CHUCKLED ON MY ANSWERING MACHINE, PEOPLE!) He gave her cell phone number, but the machine cut off before I got it all.
NFL Player was having to call for her because she was so disorganized.
But he’s married to her.
Why — I began to ask myself — should I have to keep chasing this woman down??
The next day arrived. I still hadn’t heard from her, so I made other plans for the day. Because, frankly, she’d strung me along since September. She’d regularly chosen noncommunication as her preferred method of communication. She’d called at the very last minute giving information I’d never heard before as if I’d heard it before. She was basically just a sweet-voiced little pain in the ass. Did I want to teach these classes? Yes. But did I want to be her personal Little Miss Snap-To? Uh, no. And I was really starting to feel like that. The phone rang 20 minutes before class was to start. She had directions on how to get to her house, a 40-minute drive away. I swallowed hard and just said it: It’s not going to work for me today. I didn’t hear from you, so I made other plans. I’m very sorry.
I actually didn’t think I’d hear from her again. I mean, we’re coming down to the end of the school year, here. What had been envisioned as a 10-week drama course was now, what, 3 weeks?? Why bother? I’d invested both time and money and gotten bupkis. But she did call, the day before the “next” session — remember, this class had not yet met AT ALL! — to leave me a message that there was a “change of venue” and we’d be meeting at someone else’s home. I had no idea if we’d be meeting in someone’s living room or bathroom or laundry room. This matters to me, a lot actually, because to teach a decent drama class YOU NEED SOME FREAKIN’ SPACE! I had no idea what kind of “space” I had now. And she’d left no phone number or directions to this “change of venue.” She just said, Oh, it’s the Smith’s house. They’re on such-and-such street. I think that’s near you. WHAT?? It’s not ANYWHERE near me. I live 40 minutes away from that. I don’t know that street. What was I supposed to do? MapQuest that street, cruise on over, and just start yelling, “SMITHS! SMITHS! WHERE ARE YOU? AM I NEAR YOUR HOUSE YET? AM I GETTING CLOSE? IT’S ME — THE WUSSY DRAMA TEACHER WHO LETS COOKIES LIKE YOU WALK ALL OVER HER! BUT I’M HEEEERE! WHERE ARE YOOU??”
I’m sorry. That was it for me. It was all too retarded. I decided that as much as I might want to teach this class, I didn’t want to be treated with such perky-voiced presumption and carelessness anymore. It was becoming too stressful, too ridiculous. And with each passing week that the class didn’t meet, I was making less and less money anyway.
So I called and said “no thanks” to the WHOLE thing. Maybe it was a cop-out. I don’t know. But I actually felt a huge relief when I finally just MADE that decision for myself instead of feeling desperate, as if I HAD to have it and had to tolerate her chirpy neglect.
Sorry, NFL Player. No, really, sorry. Sorry your wife is such a flake. And sorry, little rich kids. I don’t know what you’re gonna do now. Maybe Paloma has some spoons you can play with.
Ach. They were all middle schoolers anyway. Despicable age.
All right. Rant over.
(And now to cleanse your palates …. look at the pictures below!)
Ah well, you know that whole “the Lord works in mysterious ways” thingy? This is probably one of those times.
Coule you imagine how crazy it would be driving you if you were actually a few classes in and she started changing venues or decided that she wanted dancing bears or something?
Good on ya.
good for you, quitting that annoying “job.” who wants to be accountable to a flake anyway.
i am LAUGHING at the thought of you shouting up and down the streets for the Smiths. “Uh, yeah, I am s’posed to teach a drama class? Maybe in your guest bathroom? Could you check for me?”
“SMITHS? SMITHS???” hahahahaha
The woman sounds like a moron.
Good for you! You did the right thing. I have had many a boss like that and they always make me feel like I’m the one flaking out. It’s good to just look at the facts and move on. There will be better opportunities in the future with not so flaky folks.
One cannot allow reality to be determined by those with the least grasp upon it. Good for you!
It drove me CRAZY that any time she called, she always sounded so obliviously perky! I am convinced you cannot really be living life if you are obliviously perky ALL THE TIME. C’MON, stupid! Be like me. Aware and depressed. Now THAT’S really living!
Her perkiness would be FINE if it was paired with a knowledge that one cannot do a 40 minute drive in a 20 minute time period. hahahaha
I mean … so annoying!
I’m mainly annoyed because I love your drama teacher stories and she has now deprived you of more stories to tell. 🙂
Oh, red, don’t worry. I have stories I haven’t told yet. 😉
On a related note, I’m also not doing drama camp this summer! AHHHH!! The place we lease the space from strung us along as to availability, then said we could have it, IF we handed them over 50% of the gross of camp. WHA?? It was too late to find another space. We’ve had it there every year for 4 years now and they suddenly decided to be impossible jerks.
I honestly don’t know what’s going on in my life right now … MAJOR upheavals …
Oh, but lest I sound too despairing, there’s this:
I get to take a sexual harassment awareness class at The Beanhouse today.
Are you going to bring up Iced Tea Guy?
I have a Major League Baseball player & his wife as a client…she is also “obliviously perky”, and more than a bit flaky. If must be in the job description for althlete wife.
Sal — No, but I might bring up fellow employee who won’t stop talking about his career as a gay porn “STAR.”
Have I not mentioned him yet? SOO far behind on updates on that place.
Shannon — Hm. Why am I not surprised?
Sorry to hear that you meet all the nuts, but you do live in California so you gotta kind of expect it. I might need to move back so I have something more interesting to write about.
Love Nightfly’s comment!