A lady who looked normal but wasn’t came into The Beanhouse and I, lucky girl, got to converse with her:
LADY: So what kind of stuff do you have here?
(Seriously????)
ME: Uh, coffee …. tea ….. pastries ….. you know.
LADY (looking at menu board over my head): What’s a “Beanhouse Cappuccino”?
ME: Well, that’s our specialty. It’s a layered drink: steamed milk, espresso, foam, topped with whipped creme, shaved chocolate, and cinnamon.
LADY: Ew. Sounds really sweet. Does it have sugar in it?
ME: Well, the whipped creme has some.
LADY (visibly shuddering): EW. No. Okay. What’s a latte?
ME: Espresso, steamed milk, and foam.
LADY: Does it have sugar?
ME: Not unless you put sugar in it.
LADY: Okay. Because I don’t want sugar.
ME: I see that.
LADY: Hm. What’s an au lait?
ME (listen, Quizzie Borden): It’s coffee and steamed milk ….
LADY: D —
ME: ….. and it doesn’t have sugar either.
LADY: Okay. What’s a con panna?
ME (LordinheavenkilloneofusNOW): Yeaaah. THAT is espresso with whipped creme.
LADY: But the whipped creme has some sugar, you said?
ME: Yesss. You probably don’t want that one.
LADY: Well, then, what’s a macchiato?
ME (!!?#@%!??): It’s espresso topped with …… “death,” Tracey, SAY it ….. uh, foam.
LADY: Hmm. Okay. Well, I’ll just have a cup of coffee.
And then, just then, my eyes rolled back in my head and the thousand hell demons inside me roused, rumbled, and growled in fiendish chorus:
GETTTT OOUUUUUUTTTT!!!!! GETTTT OOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT!!!!!!
But then ….. well, the moment was over and my eyes rolled front and center again, and she was still there, staring, staring, a persistent wench, unmoved by my thousand growling hell demons and I had to pour her a damn cuppa coffee.
But you know what?
I did NOT tell her to have a nice day.
The customer service gods are all in a tizzy over you not saying have a nice day. The repurcussions were felt as far away as Gnome, Alaska where a Target employee felt compelled to take a basket out to a car for an old lady.
See what you do!
This: It’s espresso topped with …… “death,†Tracey, SAY it, was pure genius.
DEATH! DEATH! Total props.
Yeah! No Death for my coffee!!! How could it even be suggested???
Sounds like the woman NEEDED some sugar in her life. Sounds like she’s been drinking too much bitter coffee to me.
I mean, puh-lease. You walk into a coffee shop and don’t know what they serve?!?! I am NO expert on coffee, and will be the first to admit that, but I least I put forth the effort. Try it once, if you don’t like it, move on to something else. But goodness gracious, she must have been in caffeine withdrawal or has been chewing on too many cocao beans.
Now, I’ll have a toffee-nut, non-fat, no whip, decaf latte please. (I’m not ordering one from you, but after all this coffee talk I just need one.)
Topped with Death! I love it! Somebody needs to make a t-shirt!
Seriously, you guys, in that moment I would not have been responsible ……
Cullen — Anything I can do to help little ole ladies …
WG — Sometimes, you just have these THOUGHTS, you know??
Anita — no I would not put death in YOUR coffee But then you are not insane, right? 😉
Lyn … if only I could wear it on the job.
Tracey, I am a little insane. But I wouldn’t make a big fuss about a little death sitting on the top of my latte. 🙂 I just don’t think good lattes need to be covered with death to be consumable. Know what I mean, vern?
I love the parade of crazies that come in and out of your shop daily! Very entertaining…not so much for you though.
Has this lady been living under a rock for the past decade? I’m with AmStaff Mom…this lady needs some sugar in her life!
Soooooo, when will this wonderful series show up in your sidebar?
She definitely needed the sugar.