bitter town

I love it when I write something, read it again much later, and still agree with myself. On the other hand — not to be too one-sided — it could very well mean that I haven’t grown one iota on a personal level since writing that particular something, which would then be kind of no bueno.

But for the purposes of this post, let’s assume that continuing to agree with oneself is muy bueno, otherwise this all falls apart, ‘kay?

I found a post from our FOC blog that I never posted here. It’s actually a comment I posted on one of the big FOC blogs during the FOC implosion last summer in response to all the pro-FOC people who liked to come on these blogs and denounce the wounded as bitter people who just needed to “get over it already.” (I reposted it on our FOC blog because, well, I liked it.) It’s gotten to the point where you can always spot a FOCker by the regular recitation of the “you’re all bitter and need to get over it” mantra. It’s a dead give-away. A dead dismissive giveaway. So one day, my slow burn on this topic finally erupted and I responded to these chronic invalidators.

Here’s the comment and, yes, I still agree with myself:

Can I say something in a general way to the steady stream of people who traipse onto the blog suggesting we’re all on a slow train to Bitter Town or already living there in our giant scowling mansions, building more rooms every day?

It’s always fascinating to me how these people presume to know the invisible condition of strangers’ hearts. Since one assumes, based on how massively irritating it all is, that these people aren’t Jesus, they can’t possibly know if we’re “bitter” or “unable to let it go” or whatever dismissive lingo they choose to use. Still, they presume to know what they cannot know, all the while dismissing what’s empirically in front of them, especially now: years and years of the FOC’s abuse and dysfunction and unrepentance.

Here’s the thing, though: We “bitter” souls wounded by the FOC are closer to finding freedom and healing than the unrepentant souls who wounded us. We can – and do – find those things in Christ even if/when our wounders never say “boo” to us. We can work through forgiveness apart from any healing actions or redemptive words from them. That’s just how good God is.

We don’t necessarily need them in order to be free. We ultimately need only him.

But ….. and here’s the problem for them …….. they need us in order to be free. They can go to God all they want saying, “Uh, sorry, God, sorry. Sorry about that thing with that person,” but that doesn’t truly free them because they haven’t sought forgiveness from the person they’ve wronged. I mean, I can extend forgiveness in my heart all the livelong day – and I do, I swear I do – but forgiveness isn’t received unless it’s sought. A gift that sits unwrapped isn’t a gift received. And that’s the job of the unrepentant where forgiveness is concerned: to seek it and receive it. Until they do, there’s no true freedom for them. We can find freedom without them. They can’t find freedom without us. They need us for their own healing.

I’d worry less about the people presumably living in bitterness and more about the people imprisoned by their own stubbornness. One group is much closer to true freedom than the other.