I’m beginning to feel a bit sheepish and silly about the length of the Maybe Church saga. (We’re about halfway at this point, just so you know. Weeee!) When we posted the story on our FOC blog over the summer, the blog went “live,” so to speak, with all the posts already up, in chronological order. We didn’t post one on Day 1, the next on Day 2, etc. They were all there as a complete story for people to read or not. Because of that, maybe I lost a sense of, uh, the sheer volume of what I’d written here. It’s strange to me to think that’s the case because it took so much out of me to write all of this, but I really think that’s what happened. Once it was up, I think I just viewed the story in bulk, not in individual posts. Now I find myself looking at it and thinking, “Good grief, Trace,” or as if I’m hearing George Burns in my head — “Say goodnight, Gracie” (or “Say goodnight, Tracey.”)
On the other hand, I’m assuming if anyone is feeling burnt out on the story (which I could understand), they simply wouldn’t read the posts anymore. I don’t want anyone feeling any obligation to read the posts simply because they have the password, okay? It’s a real commitment to read these posts and I want to acknowledge to all of you that I know that and I so appreciate any of you sticking with it.
Because, seriously, now that I see them all lined up in my drafts box like little soldiers waiting to be deployed, well, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at how insane that looks to me.
(That said, I’m sure I’ll be posting the next installment shortly. Hahaha.)
Your saga is utterly fascinating. I’m glad to read twice these posts (but not glad for what you went through that inspired them.)
It’s a compelling story. And you write well. And you worry too much.
Tracey, you make me giggle. Not only do I want to keep reading these posts, I can hardly wait for each subsequent post to arrive. You are a phenomenal writer, really you are (I’m a little jealous even :)). It is kind of a bummer that you are having to use your skills to recount such a crappy situation. But, I’m glad you are doing it. And I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. It makes me sad.
I feel obliged to read the posts in the same way that I feel obliged finish a good book when I’ve got a work deadline coming… I tell myself that I wouldn’t be able to work effectively while I don’t know what is going to happen NEXT in the story.
I’d beg you to please post faster, but I’m guessing that these posts are difficult for you to write, both from an good editing perspective and from an emotional one.
Nooooo! Don’t feel that way! I’m fascinated/horrified by this train wreck of events, and can’t wait for mah next fix! It’s awesome. And you are incredibly awesome and brave for putting it out there. Brave. YOU. Keep em comin!
Thanks, you guys. I guess I looked at my drafts box this morning and just went “ughhh …” at the sight of it all. But I’m also mindful that there are people reading this blog who don’t have the password, so I’m trying not to have it become “All FOCkers, all the time.”
JFH — All the posts are already written. I could conceivably put them all out there at once — which I’ve toyed with doing — but again, I don’t want to turn off completely the people who don’t have/didn’t ask for the password.
Besides that, when I originally wrote it, I tried to write it in small chunks — just for myself. I had no thought at that time that I would do anything with what I was writing, maybe a vague notion that I’d eventually put them up here, but I was undecided at that point. But I actually kind of divided everything in my own head into these little digestible bits. It helped ME to process everything. I mean, the story has been weird so far, but it’s about to get REALLY weird.
So little digestible (or indigestible) bits is best, I think.
Keep ’em coming! I’m hooked and need resolution. If you stop now it would be like watching the first six episodes of Lost and then the network cancels the show because it was getting weird. I’m just waiting for the polar bears to show up.
Brian — No polar bears. I could have used one earlier though.
I think you’re raising up the lid of a fascinating and rather secret organization that runs by its own rules – whose days are numbered, if you believe the stories. You’re showing how it operates – from a very personal on-the-ground level and I am so glad you wrote it all down AS it was happening. The posts have that immediacy, that very real wrestling with what is going down.
The church is a group with its own rules. I wonder if some of its more strict teachings – the insistence on what a Christian should look like (in dress, in lifestyle, etc.) – is part of its appeal to some (I’m sure it is). But more than that; it gives the comfort of belonging to a GROUP. “Oh, at least I know who I am when I am in the midst of my Group. I don’t have to think all this thru for myself. It’s all decided for me.”
Great comfort in that for those who are lost.
Anyway, keep on keepin’ on. You’re an incredible writer.
Under no circumstances should you stop doing what you need to do on our account! If we tried to coerce you into dictating content on your own blog, we’d be exactly like Maybe Church.
We’re here for you for as long as you choose to write about this – and whatever else you choose to write about.
What everybody said. We are coming back to read and support you!